Can someone explain to me when life got so freaking complicated?
I would like to say that I am writing from my nice comfy red couch in my reading room at my house. Drinking a nice glass of wine for……ummm digestive and heart purposes (yeah right). This post is coming from my parents’ house. This is my sanctuary when things get crazy in my mind and the quietness in my house seems too loud. Today is that day. I am overly frustrated with life, and it used to not be this way. I remember a time when I was carefree without a worry in the world. I was about to graduate from from grad school, I had a job and was out of a seven year relationship that I ended (first grown up decision of my life). I had no real expectations about life all I know is that I wanted to live life to fullest and then something happened…………I started living out others expectations on my life.
I know other people (especially those older than us) have the best intentions in mind when it comes to our lives but I can honestly say that it has left me 30 lbs overweight, anxiety ridden and not living the life that i ever had envisioned for myself. It’s not their fault for imparting wisdom, it’s my fault for trying to take all the ideas and perform them at once.
My vision……my vision in life is to help others anyway I can. I don’t want one specific group. I think only using my super human powers (yes I’m a superhero….no for real) to service one group of people is pretty dang selfish. No I’m not talking about healing the world in a month or solving global warming, but giving a smile when someone needs it, or a hug, even being that shoulder for someone to cry on. This is my purpose in life, this is what brings me joy and satisfaction. This is why God gave me this beautiful smile, flirty eyes, gorgeous disposition, and a personality that can light up a room (yes I do know my assets and I will brag about them daily). I wasn’t put on this Earth for just one purpose, I am here to live life 🙂
My issues…….yes I have them and now I am learning how not to be ashamed of them. I CAN NOT be perfect……let me repeat this…..I CAN NOT be perfect nor do I want to be. A perfect life is a boring life and for a while that’s the direction my life was pointed…..BORING!!! My issues have shaped me into the woman I am and the woman I am becoming. As much as I wish I wasn’t a type A, procrastinating, introverted, sleep deprived young lady, it’s who I am. I mean I can’t apologize for and yes I can make a few changes but my flaws and strengths are what have made me who I am.
My body…..my body is beautiful (take that society), it is just as beautiful now as it was when I was working out 5x times a week, eating chicken breast with every meal and drinking about 5 L of water a day. I have been criticised about my shape since before I knew I had a shape. I have been told that I needed to hide it, cover it, reduce it, bind it blah blah blah!!! I have finally realized it doesn’t matter whether I wear a potato sack someone is still going to have a problem with it. But it’s fine because their issues are not mine. It took 32 years to make this body what it is today and if I wasn’t supposed to have any of this then I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to carry it so well (POW!! Take that 🙂
These my dear friends are things that I have lost sight of as I have traveled down this road we call life. Neglecting all these wonderful things about myself and listening to others has made me forget how wonderful of a human being I am. I have learned that life becomes complicated when I stopped believing in the person that I am and started believing in the person others wanted me to be. I became frustrated with life when I believed in the expectations others had for my life instead of believing and trusting in the plan I was already on. Life became dissatisfying when I stopped trying to make myself happy and started taking others happiness and satisfaction as a bigger priority.
So as I sit here, I know how to make life less complicated…..I have to trust my life process and believe that all things will work out for me even if it seems a little foggy and I can’t see the end of the road. My life is my life and its the only life I have. I have a choice in making it what it can be……and what I want it to be is a lot less uncomplicated 🙂