As I sit in the deck, relaxing, drinking a fun ship special, watching the waves slowly move past the boat (jealous yet lmbo) I realized that in the past 3 years I limited my endless possibilities. You know those things that you tell yourself you can do because you are Superwoman (or She Hulk in my case)? Those goals and challenges that you were so sure you could take on no matter who’s with you. Well I limited myself…. why? Just life: deaths, life, sickness, relationships, friendships, you name it, it has happened to me. Life for the past 3 years has tried to kick my perfectly round and high behind (calling things into existence…. He knows my heart lol), and this year was almost the straw that broke this camel’s back. But I know what I’m shooting for with the rest of this life that I have. I’m going to live by my endless possibilities.
1. I realize I want to be married. Even though I’m comfortable in my singleness, and I love myself, it would be nice to get married. It took a break up to help me see what I really want. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to get married for the sake of getting married (baby please believe this one is too fine to be desperate), I truly want someone who is as supportive to me as I am to them. I want someone who can make decisions by looking at the bigger picture and not just the uncomfortable situation that’s being faced at that moment. I don’t need need protection (She Hulk status)but it would be nice to be protected. I want stability, hell I can make enough compulsive decisions for the both of us, but I crave some thing that is always sure.
2. I want to make a difference in my community. The great thing about this is my best friend’s and my circle of influence won’t let me ever get distracted from this (thanks Quin!!). With so much going on in the world our kids are getting distracted. Can you blame them? There is no direction, no guidance, no one to point them in the right direction. Never knocking the awesome parents of the world, but I do believe it takes a village. I love my community, I love how creative we are, how by adding just a tad of our ability can make something a that much better. We have to come together not just when there is injustice but also when things seem like they are status quo. That’s when it’s really needed.
3. Lord….I may kick myself after I write this but…..I WANT KIDS (ughhhhhhhh!!!!) Okay yes I want a mini me or him lol. Not going to go any further with this one (yes I am and I want to be married when it happens).
4. Last but not least, I am not limited to my thoughts. It happens to everyone we have a shift in life and our thought process shifts to adapt to the new situation. Well I guess 10 days in the hospital and 15 days off work can shift anyone’s thought process. Mine went from reckless abandonment to little Miss Careful Susie. I’ve always had the faith to love life to the fullest, but a blood clot will have you rethink life. Will I die in my sleep? What if they can’t find the cause? How long could I survive if I couldn’t teach or be an educator (it’s my passion)? What if he doesn’t want me anymore? All these what ifs and only about 2 actually happened, and guess what….I survived them! Being careful didn’t change a thing. Being Miss Careful Susie only made my life boring and gray for the past 6 months. That one life changing situation made me understand that I can’t control a thing that happens in life so why not live with limitless, endless possibilities?