TAAAADAAAAA…….

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Tada!!!! Why have we stopped saying that when we do something awesome? Like when a three year old does it with simple things we give them the biggest round of applause (I mean seriously kid everyone takes a poop in the potty, you’re not special). We have celebrated so much marginal behavior (yeah I said ya kid ain’t special) that we overlook the amazing things we accomplished in our adult lives.

Every time you pay your house note you should run to your driveway and yell “TADA!!!!” as loud as possible.  When you get your kids dressed, fed, dropped off to school on time and you make it to work on time, you should get out of your car and yell “TADAAAAA!!!” in the parking lot of your job. Yeah this might freak the people around you out but you’ll have the biggest smile on your face and your day will probably go a whole lot better.

Well…..I’m doing mine right now…..TAAAADAAAA!!! Yessssssssss lol for my 33rd birthday I was able to drop all my “stress/life” weight that I gained over what I call “the 3 years from hell”. You name it, it happend. The culmination was the blood clot and a stay in the hospital.  I lost my mind and myself for a minute but this summer I got it back. So I owe myself a freaking TADA and I feel great about it lol. The picture in the orange was never posted by me….actually I never posted any pictures from that birthday and you see why.

So with that being said, make sure you find and give yourself a TADA moment every now and then. Celebrate your amazing moments even if no one else will. Find some thing even if it’s a simple every day thing to make you celebrate because the fact that you are here, alive and kicking is reason enough to jump up and give God some glory 🙂

Ladies and Gentleman…..Nikki Giovanni

So why didn’t I know about this fabulous poet until recent? Omg!!! Fell in love after reading one poem. I have life lol

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Afreakingmazing!! This one poem spoke more to my soul than any”selfhelpgetoverdramatolivearegularlife” book could ever give me. So i bought her book of love poems and I’ll read a poem a night to keep the idea of love in a positive light and chase away the doubt.

Good night loves 🙂

I really don’t want to write until……

I really don’t want to write until I get over this break up. I don’t want this to be a whole “moment” or a “significant point” in my life. I don’t want to give it the energy it’s trying to take out of me, especially since it’s my birthday week. But maybe if I write about the things I miss about being in a relationship it will help me move the hell on with life:

  1. I miss having someone other than my family or best friend’s to share my significant events with. Maybe it’s the fact that someone else out there cares enough about me, that makes me feel connected with the world. Birthdays, first day with faculty, the new shoes I just bought lol you know the real important stuff.
  2. I miss caring about someone so deeply. Yes I know I have my friends and family. Please believe I will go to war for them, but I’m supposed to. But to have someone whose not related or bound to you by your mutual love for shoes and MMXXL (figure it out, it’s a movie, and I’m trying to stop others from judging), that’s something different. To allow someone to let your guard down (especially mine, I’m freaking guarded like Fort Knox) to the point that you put them in the category of your shoe loving, print watching, socially awkward friends is a serious act of……. hell an act of Congress lol.
  3. I miss having someone have my back. Like this world is so crazy, you never know what or who people ate these days. It’s nice to wake up and know someone in this big old world has your back and supports you. Also someone who will check you when you need it. Yes my family does it but it’s always good to get an outsiders point of view.

Ok I feel a little better. I don’t understand why things happen and end but they do. I read that you have to let go of something to pave the way for better. So i promised myself I wouldn’t focus on the negative look at the positive and continue to push forward. I mean what’s the worst that can happen? I stay single, travel the world, and become a philanthropist? Or I could find the love of my life, get married, have two mini people and be happy?  Either way sounds good to me 🙂

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*I’m in my new classroom*

Can I run away……

Can’t breathe…..shoulders tense….can’t sleep at night. I want to run away….

Away from the headaches and stress. Away from the pain and torment. I want to run away as fast as possible.

That’s not going to happen. I start a new job, new requirements, new team, new chance to start over, but all I can think about is running away. I should be happy, excited, thrilled, but instead I’m having migraines and bs panic attacks.  What is wrong with me? my_panic_attacks____by_criminal_defect-d32kl9v

F.O.E…..

F.O.E= family over everything! Man when I tell yall this is my family….. if I had any questions in my mind if this was true, this trip proved it. My family will go to war together and for each other. To say they have my back would be an understatement, they’ve got my front, back, head to toe and side to side. They tell me when I’m wrong, when I’m right, when I’m acting crazy, and when I need to shake it off. This trip came at the right time. Yes, I went through a break up (I’m getting over it please believe) but I’ve been letting it eat me up inside. So much so I lost myself. Lost my smile, my disruptive personality, my joy….blah, blah, blah. To my family I bring the “sunshine” lol I am literally the party animal of the family. It’s okay I accept my role, that’s who I am in life. The disrupter, the person who hates a quiet room full of people, the one always making noise, making people smile and giving my daddy a reason to say “girl it’s something wrong with you” and chuckle.

Oh but this trip…..I am ashamed to say I brought a person who I have never seen in my life. This person was grade A, top quality, Queen Biayotch of the east. She had a broom stick, an ugly sneer, and a tongue that could cut like a sword. The only time I was a glimmer of myself was at the beach on Key West, but at dinner I was back to being Queen Biayotch of the west (changed directions lol). My family brought me back to myself. My fabulous little sister told on me (yep she told her 20 year old self told on my 32 year old grown behind) after a blow up (yes for those who know me I blew the freak up, crazy right?). My mama and daddy helped me straighten up, and everyone else just loved me through the process. They didn’t tell me I didn’t have a right to be angry, but they did let me know I couldn’t let it turn me into someone I’m not.

See, that’s what I’m talking about. To me family doesn’t let you continue throwing temper tantrums. They don’t let you become a shadow of yourself. No matter what’s going on, who hurt you, who died, who left, sickness, health, it doesn’t matter, they bring you back to your natural essence. Why? Because they know and love the real you, not the masks we put on to fool people. If you don’t have a family like this, don’t worry you can join mine (like for real we love everybody). They are my support, my thermometer, my reality check! F.O.E definitely equals family over anything.

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*It’s more than this, but they went on the trip with me*