So…..I’m turning 35 (dun dun duuuunnnn……)

Hey loves!!! Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been busy with work, my own personal project and a whole entire real adult relationship (we will speak on that later….). I have been trying to figure out what has changed so much from December of last year to right now at this moment and it has been a series of random events. The one that stands out the most is that I’m turning 35 this year 🙁 WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Okay first….. dating tip #56708: Never trust a man with little hands. He can NEVER support your big dreams with those itty bitty things. (Okay honestly this was just petty lmbo!!)

So 35 is turning out to be hard for me to grasp. 30 was easy I was excited about it but this whole year 35 is truly freaking me out.

  1. My body is changing. Y’all know I love my curves and all the in between but my usual working out and eating is not cutting it. Now I have to make sure I’m taking vitamins every single day, my thyroid needs to be regulated and I think I might need real glasses (WHY JESUS). I want my young body back!! The one that had the high metabolism and would respond to the slightest change in diet and exercise. Can I please get that back?
  2. This lurking sense of doom that I am officially almost middle-aged and I have so much to accomplish. I thought I was doing pretty good until I realized most of my life I have been really trying to chase a dream that others wanted me to accept. I didn’t wake up to this fact until about 3 years ago. Now I feel like I running to catch up with what I want out of life and I’m running out of time.
  3. Where in the world are all these emotions coming from? Like I’m feeling things a whole lot more than I used to. The one great thing is I don’t worry much like, now I just know things will work themselves out.
  4. Okay this baby thing…….I’m going to be 35 and I still have not had a child yet. I am currently in a committed relationship (yes a real life grown up relationship!!!) and we are talking about the future and this subject came up. Now the fact that I am even talking about starting a family with someone is a miracle in itself but then my rational mind took over….how old will I be when this actually happen? Is it even possible? I know celebrities have kids past 37 but I’m not a celebrity. So the thought of having kids after 35 terrifies me yet I welcome it.

After writing this out I feel a little more comforted at the thought of 35. There are more pros than cons (financial stability, good credit, less stress, and cheaper insurance). So I guess 35 wont be too bad, but I am going to miss my youth. It is fleeting…..

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I guess it doesn’t look too bad…

Dreams…..

A 6 months ago I had a dream that literally was screaming for me to move forward. No matter how much I feel my old issues are resolved they sneak up subconsciously to torment me.
In this dream I am mourning the loss of a relationship and refusing the possibility of a new one. All my exes encircled me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so confused considering I know most probably hate me, but then something caught my eye. Each ex wore a shirt that had a list as to why we could never be together. Insecurity, luster, greed, envy, shame, doubt, weak, angry….all were valid reasons….all reasons why we could never fit the puzzle pieces together. You can never force a round peg into a square hole (yeah I know I reversed it). I could never reduce myself enough to make them feel important enough to be with me.
So I woke up prayed, moved forward, and let go.

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Smiles are genuine