Sis…you can take that guilt trip by yourself

Hey Kids!!! I hope your Thanksgiving holiday was filled with family, love and good food. How was mine? Chile I slept, did laundry, cooked and found some amazing shows on Netflix. It was the most amazing rest time I have had in a while. For the first time since I have been teaching I was able to enjoy a break without thinking about if my athletes were eating right, if they were doing the workout, hoping they wouldn’t get hurt or if they were doing the holiday workout or just hoping they were doing the workout period.

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I got to let my mind rest and think about more important things in life (like burning the mountain high pile of laundry I told my fiance I would take care of over break)

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So let’s talk about guilt trips. We all know that one grown person that acts like a two year old when they don’t get their way. They either throw a temper tantrum or try to pull on your emotions or use the whole fake tears and puppy dog eyes to get their way. The “If you love me you would…” or “I thought you were my friend but…..” oh this is my personal favorite ” I thought you were a Christian but…..”. Let me tell you something EVEN JESUS GOT MAD AND FLIPPED TABLES, don’t take my kindness for weakness. Sorry… I got off track.

Okay, don’t let these children in grown people’s bodies make you feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to. All you HAVE to do in life is live, eat food, stay your skin color and die….dassit!!! Don’t let these terrorist hold you and your emotions hostage. They will try to get their way at any cost and that cost could be your happiness and joy. 

Guilt trips are like those bad trips that you take that you thought would be a good idea but the whole time you’re sitting there with this face 

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Because you knew deep down the group of people you were traveling with were full of s*%t and had a travel budget of a weeks worth of a elementary school lunch. Yeah that’s what I think about guilt trips. You take the bait because the other person makes you feel obligated even though you know their situation has nothing to do with you.  So let me stop rambling and help you to avoid these trips from hell. 

  1. Recognize the guilt trip for what it is. If someone is making a “conditional request” or interjecting their sadness or anger to control you that is a guilt trip. These are ways that people are trying to control you by using emotions. Don’t fall for the okie doke. 
  2. Guilt trips are masks for something that is deeper, usually sadness, a “victim mentality” or anger. This person that’s trying to take you for a ride is hiding some deeper emotional issues. What they are really trying to do is communicate that in some way they are hurt by what they feel is neglect from you. When in reality they are just upset that you aren’t doing what they want you to do. I think about this with teenagers (not just boys trying to get the cookie because girls manipulate too) who pressure their peers into risky behaviors. They are doing this not because what they are doing is fun but mainly to get the other person to do it so they feel justified in their actions. 
  3. If the guilt trip works on you then you need to recognize that you are dealing with something that is deeper as well. If they make you feel guilty for something  then you need to look inside to see what is really going on. Guilt trips usually have nothing to do with the person that is being lead to feel guilty. Why do you feel the need to take the blame for something that has absolutely nothing to do with you? SO YOU NEED TO HANDLE YOU before jumping onto that Grey Hound bus that doesn’t have working restrooms and has a crying toddler every other seat for 72 hours (IDK what is wrong with my mind haha).
  4. Do not explain why you don’t want to go on the guilt trip with that person. There’s absolutely no real reason to explain yourself. Guilty people try to explain their way out of a crime. If you know the situation has nothing to do with you, why try to justify your actions? 
  5.  When confronting the guilt tripper DO NOT PLAY AROUND. Please don’t hmmm and haw around with your no or your decision not to fall for the trap. Most of the times guilt trippers are master manipulators and will twist your hesitation into something to benefit them. Make sure you keep putting the situation back on them. “Girl, I hear that you want to borrow $500 but I don’t have it. Let’s figure out a way we can help you budget your money better!” or ” Hey honey I’m sorry you don’t think I’m spending enough time with you even though I work 80 hour work weeks to pay the bills. What are ways that you can help out so I don’t have to work so many hours and have more free time?” (sorry ladies I had to throw that in there for the men). 

I hope these steps will help you form better relationships with others. I found that majority of us still operate as kids in grown bodies (me included). I think if we all work hard to deal with our inner issues we can communicate and relate to others in an unselfish way. I will have to say that I can’t take credit for all of my growth and deep self-healing (SIS, when I say I was a mess…whew chile).  After I started this blog and started learning from life lessons, we started a book series at church. The most recent book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has definitely had a major impact on my personal growth, I highly recommend it if you are wanting to do some self work. It will help you form healthy boundaries and take control of your life! 

Yes I have on a onesie with a hood and YES this is THE book 

#lessonslearned: The Great Beginning

Hey kids!!! I kinda of jumped in this series #lessonslearned without really giving a background of why I even started this blog in the first place. So let’s go back down memory lane *cues Back down Memory Lane by Minnie Riperton* (Awwww yeah)

Confessions From A Red Couch was born out of frustration. I was frustrated with life. My job sucked, my relationship was dying, my mental health sucked and it was affecting my physical health. I was having frequent debilitating panic attacks and migraine headaches. I had lost some of my pillars of strength in life. I had just been diagnosed with a blood clot that appeared out of thin air. My hope was gone. My faith was gone. I couldn’t pray….matter of fact I didn’t even know what to pray. I was mad at everyone including God and felt there was no where to turn (depressing right).

So one Saturday night when I was confined to my house (Dr ordered time at home) I figured I would change my surroundings in the house. So I went to my library/front room (I call it the creamsicle room) and sat on my red couch and started writing EVERYTHING I was feeling that would have led me to commit suicide in that room. Every hurt, every pain, every frustration, EVERYTHING. I would cry, write and sleep (this was the cycle for 2 days) and when I finished I finally prayed. I finally opened my mouth and talked to God. I finally let God heal my heart and dry my tears. I finally let go and at the moment of release God presented me with the name “Confessions From the Red Couch”.

Now it still wasn’t easy. I always thought who in the world could want to read my ramblings. Who would actually read this foolishness? No one will be able to relate to me and my own personal pity party. Everytime I would write an entry someone would inbox me saying how my transparency helped them. Someone would always send an email about how they don’t feel alone in their situation.

I never expected this blog to really be anything, just a place to rant, but it helped save my life. God allowed me an outlet for not only me but for others. Am I rich from blogging? Nope. Do I do this for monetary gain? I want to some day, but for now I’m writing for the simple fact that I owe it to God to share my experiences with others. Are things better now than when I first started blogging? Yep, but it’s not perfect, and I’m okay with that. I’ve learned so much about myself and how to maneuver through life a little bit better.

Well….that’s all folks lol I really appreciate those who have stuck with me as a have traversed this thing called life for the past 4 years. Yall have stuck with me through a lot and for that I am thankful. Since the holiday season is upon us I’m only going to post once in November and December. I really need to spend time with my family and loved ones without any distractions. 2019 be ready for a totally revamped blog, a new podcast and some good old “merch” (aka merchandise). I love you guys be safe and keep being amazing ❤

I said yes to my dress all while being bossy lol

My blessings right here…..my hearts ❤

Me and my love…..✊🏾 Forever