#Lessonlearned: Improving dating In the 21st Century

I know….I know! You’re thinking “Girl aren’t you married” and “This has nothing to do with improving any type of relationships”. But, let’s think about the purpose of dating apps, they are supposed to deliver potential partners to singles in their area What you really get is a modge podge of foolishness. If dating apps did what they advertise then we would have more successful relationships. Instead you get a site that allows con artists, criminals, creeps, perverts and the like to prey on those who are just looking for suitable companions. Yes….why yes, I have had my fair share of foolishness on dating app (check out the post When did the Roles Reverse).This is my way of telling dating apps and sites that they need to do better!

Automatic background checks

This headline alone says it all: Dating App Killer . He used a popular dating site to lure unsuspecting women in, and well you can read about the rest. The issue is he had a past of violence against women. I feel that in order to cut down on issues like this there should be a link to a county’s arrests records. Sounds Big Brother-ish, but this will cut down on the amount of criminal activity that can happen when using dating apps. And it’s already avaliable for free!

Marital status check

Read these words as I type: STAY OFF DATING APPS IF YOU ARE MARRIED!!!! Aht aht!! Stop dating while married. You’re ruining it for the rest of the single folks and giving them trust issues. If you want to cheat they have an app for that, use that one. Stop it!! Dating apps can link county records to find marriage and divorce decrees. I am just now figuring this out, and it could have saved me a lot of frustration when I was in the dating game.

Employment/ entrepreneurial status

I understand employment status should not mean you can’t date. If you don’t have to work, that’s one thing. If all you have to offer is penis or vagina, then you should really just focus on yourself. There should be a way to check this. If there is a way to check someone’s living situation you can definitely check who they say they are employed with, or even if they have a valid DBA.

5 latest post on social media

In this day and age social media is a great indicator of someone’s personality. Yes, I know you are thinking people aren’t their true selves on social media, but it does give you a glimpse into the way their mind works. Seeing a person’s social media can help you see a persons interests or if they are just posers (fake woke, extreme right, sexist, etc).

Rating system after each date

I don’t know how fair this would be, nor do I care. I think you should be able to rate the person honestly after the first encounter. Of course, it would be based on certain criteria, and then there should be an overall experience rating. If you’ve watched the show Four Weddings then you know what I’m talking about. The people with the lowest ratings get kicked off the app. I don’t care some people just shouldn’t date.
You have to do a little searching on your own. Be diligent about who you date and what you’re getting yourself into.
Resource Link: Harris County Records

#LessonsLearned I Failed at….

 

 

Happy April!! I have missed you guys since the last post. But here we are back together again. I want to talk about something that very few of us like to talk about. Failure!!! The big F word. I wrote an earlier post about recovering from failure. Failure can be a driving factor to succeed or to do nothing. Most of the times we run from failure because it’s not fun to say we didn’t get the desired outcome. failure is the biggest teacher in life. It has taught me so many lessons, most were quiet and no one really noticed. Some were public and embarrassing. What I have learned is this, when you fail it’s not the end of the world. So here are some areas where I royally blew it and how it taught me to succeed and do better.

Failure at Explaining myself

A long time ago I felt it was necessary to explain my intentions. I wanted people to hear why I did xyz and what my emotional, physical and metaphysical reasoning for a decision that had nothing to do with anybody but me. I felt I needed the world to know my intentions for my every move. You know what happened…..I was still misunderstood. People would still get their panties in a bunch or twist my words to seem negative.
So I stopped. I started making moves without answering others questions. Writing this blog, my move. Starting a podcast….my move. It was liberating. I stopped worrying what people were thinking about my decisions and actions and just started living. It helped me to make important without asking for permission. I guess this leads into the next one…..

Failure at Living up to others expectations

Lord knows I tried my hardest to fit into boxes others molded for my life. I really did, but it wasn’t comfortable. It always felt a pair of shoes that were ill fit. Just felt odd, like I was wearing a mask. It wasn’t until one day I looked in the mirror and cried because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I was uptight, stressed, and closed minded. How could I love anybody else if I didn’t love myself enough to be myself?
I began to take suggestions about how and what I should have been doing with a grain of salt. Sure I have the degrees and titles but what would be the purpose of acting like I was better than anyone I was trying to serve? So I began to make sure that I was happy with who I was to myself and others. Did I care if I met others’ expectations…nope. This is my life to live not theirs, and I am going to live it being true to myself.

Failure at Checking and responding to email

This one may not seem as deep as the others but let me help you out. Important information comes through my personal, work and business email daily. If I don’t check either one with consistency AND follow up it could mean loss of a sponsor, missed parent/student communication, missed opportunities, and the worst missed money. I actually lost a job because I didn’t follow up with an email. Yes missed money all because I didn’t take the time out to read.
Now I check my email three times a day. I make sure I follow up with my school’s administration, my parents, my readers/listeners, and other opportunities. As of now some of those don’t pan out but the majority of the time they do. So I make it a point to employ a 24 hour rule when it comes to email communication. I flag unanswered emails and make sure they are priority. The age we are in now, email is a vital part of effective communication. I will never drop the ball like that again.

What have you failed at that has made you more successful now? Please comment the lessons you have learned from failure. I love to know what you have done to progress into a better person.