#Lessonslearned The Heavy Burden of Being The Oldest

 

Oldest Child

Day 12 I feel like it’s been the 12 days of Christmas lol. Each day has brought some type of new experience, thought, or idea. I’m in awe of the progress and the process. I’m sorry I didn’t post this yesterday but I was helping my husband with his first successful catering job (I’m SUPER proud). Today let’s talk about the heavy burden of being the oldest.

Being the oldest is the most overrated experience in my life. I really don’t understand why God chose to put me here first because honestly I would have chosen to be the absolute last. There’s a sort of freedom you get to have when you’re the baby of the family. Not quite that for us older children, we aren’t really afforded that freedom.

1. I always had to be the example

Do you know how hard it is to live up to a standard you never asked to have. Okay so I know I’m strong willed and goal oriented but honestly I really didn’t have a choice in all of this. I was the first and whether I liked it or not that was my job. To achieve the highest achievement and not to let everyone else down. Why because I have to set the example for those who came after me (even though sometimes I feel resented because if it).

2. My shoulders are broad and my back is strong

I feel like being the oldest adult child is the hardest when it comes to bearing everyone’s issues. We catch everything from everyone because they feel we can hold it all. Most of the times we do because we know one else can. So we are built with broad shoulders and strong backs to hold the world for everybody else. We hold it all. Why, because we know both worlds.

3. We’re didn’t ask to be here

Unbeknownst to most of the world, the oldest child never really asks to be here. The middle and youngest are usually the ones that get the happy celebration of knowing they are welcomed in the world, but like most of the oldest children in the world I wasn’t planned. So my arrival was more like an “Oh s#:+” or a “what are we going to do now” target than a “yay we are getting a baby girl”. I think this is what makes most of us fighters. We have the sink or swim mentality. It’s  been the survival of the fittest since birth and you just have to keep fighting.

4. We protect the family at any cost

In the entry about My 2 Dads I said I would go to war for my family. If it ever comes to that point just know I’m winning that war. I pride in the fact and they know it. It’s not that I’m territorial, it’s a result of the absolute love I have for my family. My need to perfect them from any hurt or danger. That’s my job as the oldest.

But here’s the root of the root, the heart of the heart,  when it comes to being the oldest I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I believe God sent me first because he knew I could do the job. It’s hard and stressful but I get the job done. And if any of my siblings addre reading this know yall were always the first lovers of my life,  and I’d still mess anybody up who tries you.

I want to give a big shout out to all those who have subscribed, liked, commented, visited the website and shared the blog, the podcast, and anything else I have produced or brought to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Episode 13

#LessonsLearned #30daysofblogging and a Better Head Space

Update

Day 11 and here I am. The #30daysofblogging challenge has dramatically improved my mental space. I can’t say I’m 100% okay because no one actually is but I can say I’m in a much better head space. If you are new to the blog well let me catch you up and for others let me give you an update. 11 days ago I was in a really bad place mentally. My depression and anxiety were at an all time high. So much so I missed 2 networking events because of panic attacks. I was able to identify I needed to do something different and came up with a plan. 

The plan was simple: limit my time on social media, blog for 30 days straight, increase my cardio and spend 10 minutes of each morning in silence. So far I’ve been doing okay but I still need help in some areas. 

No more messenger:

 Not only have I been limiting my time on social media but I also have gotten rid of Facebook messenger. That was the hardest thing to let go. I honestly have 2 of my top three group chats on messenger but I had to let it go.I knew I couldn’t be a good friend/sister if I wasn’t in a good head space. Do I feel like I’m missing out on their lives, nope I can always text them to make sure they are okay. Mental health is the single most important thing to help you foster positive relationships. If my friends don’t get it, then they aren’t my friends anyway 🤷🏾‍♀️

Cardio sucks but power lifting is my jam:

Yes I’m still getting my cardio in but not as frequent as I said I would. I don’t know but it’s just not my go to. I’m more of a power girl and so in October I’m going to compete in my first power lifting meet!!! I feel so amazing about it because it gives me a goal to shoot for. With that being said if you are reading this you are now officially an accountability partner. Make sure you check up on me every now and then and give me some good old words of encouragement. 

Not quite 10 minutes….:

I’m still trying to master this 10 minutes of quiet time. It’s freaking hard with 1 million things going on during the day. Oh and did I mention a husband, yeah he searches for me in his sleep so leaving the bed in the morning is kind of hard. Regardless, I’m going to try a little bit harder to get a little bit of silence in my life. Especially before school starts back. 

As you can see I’m trying. That’s the biggest thing, I refuse to quit and let the darkness of the depression win. Make sure you check out the recent podcast if you haven’t watched or listened to it yet.  The next episode will be on July 10 and we will be discussing why you shouldn’t date when you’re lonely. Also check out the MERCH website and let me know what you think. Would you like to see something added or taking away. If so, just leave a comment on this page. 

Episode 13

#LessonsLearned: My 2 Dads and My Daddy Issues

My two Dads

Day 10 of the #30daysofblogging challenge and I am officially doing so much better. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If anything it means I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I love this journey that I have taken. I fill so much more fulfilled and encouraged. Thank you to all of those who have been reading my foolishness I really appreciate it. Now this entry is near and dear to my heart. So with having two dads I still had daddy issues. It wasn’t until I got older, and started this scam of adulting, did I begin to understand that my dads had to be take off the pedestal that I had put them on. As life happened to me it allowed me to see that life was happening to them but I was around to see it.

My two dads, both named Bruce, are amazing people. No they are not perfect but they each had a chance to sow into my life and honestly they still do. I think God did this on purpose because seriously who else in the world would have two dads with the same name raising a very strong willed, independent little girl. I needed that male guidance in my life to ensure that I didn’t think all men were trash.

Just Regular

Now having two dads did not stop me from having daddy issues, I wish. Nope, they were just trying to be the best dads they could be. Let me say this again this is in NO WAY bashing them. My father’s are m&*^f&*((*& amazing. I would absolutely go to war for them on any given day ( which means you will die). The biggest lesson I had to learn is that they were human, regular black men who are just trying to make it in this world. The world that sees them as a danger no matter how good, how loving, how innocent they are. They were trying to protect their families and themselves from all the dangers that were are right outside the front door.

Not Superheroes

As much as I wanted to believe that they weren’t, they were just regular men trying to live. I think all little girls believe that their dads are the superest of superheroes. We want to believe that they are above the cares of the world and their one and only job is to make us happy. Well my friends that is not the case. Dads are just men who are trying to make it the best way they can in this world. Fathers have the almost equally as tough as being a mom:they have to provide, protect, nurture and be a man. There’s no manual to that stuff. They feel just like everyone else. They hurt, they love, they mourn and when no one is looking they cry. Dads aren’t faster than a speeding bullet, they aren’t super strong, or have laser eyes. They are humans who make human mistakes.

I appreciate you

I appreciate them and all they have done for me. As I got older I all the resentment I had for the little things  went away. As an adult I understand that some things they were just working out for themselves. They had life trauma they needed to work through just like me but the difference is seeing a therapist is more acceptable now than back then. Mental health is now a priority and not some thing that people look down upon.

Say Something

If you haven’t gotten anything out of this you need to understand this: if your dad was present, supportive and loving in his own way, then you had a great father figure. Now this is in now way excusing s&*^)# behavior from anyone. If your dad sucked beyond measure, if he was absent or abusive call him out on it. Why, because you have a right to confront the issue. With that being said, I would definitely love to thank my 2 dads. My Bruces (lol) for all the love and support that they could give to me. I know you weren’t perfect and neither am I but I do appreciate you.

Well this entry was short and to the point lol I don’t want to belabor the point. Make sure you like, subscribe comment and share. It’s always appreciated. Also visit this link to listen to the podcast or get Confessions From A Red Couch merch. Day 11 will probably be just a quick update of things that have changed in the past 10 days since I started the challenge.

 

#LessonsLearned: I Don’t Have Time

I don't have time
Day 8 and away we go. Just a recap, #30daysofblogging is still going strong. I am in a better mental place AND my productivity is kicking booty. I got something I need to get off my chest though. My really good sister-friend Kimbrella uses one of my favorite phrases to state how she feels about foolishness “I DON’T HAVE TIME!!!” That’s the way I feel about certain things in life….I DON’T HAVE TIME. Anything that’s not productive or life changing is a waste of time I do not have. What’s the purpose of putting energy into things that aren’t beneficial to my life right now. I have enough on my plate as it is.
Things I DO NOT have time for:

Hyper judgmental people:

Why, WHY must we still be on this judgmental thing: Like it’s 2019, we’ve had a black president, taken multiple trips to the moon and outer space, even electric cars. People still have opinions about what others are doing with their lives. Guess what there’s more than one way to do things, so stop. Stop getting mad because people aren’t doing what you think they should do. Also how about you go judge ya mama because she probably ain’t doing nothing you want her to do either.

People who are just mean for the simple fact of being mean:

So I was looking through my comments and ratings for the podcast and somebody gave me a one star rating. Now if I wasn’t secure in myself I would have been shaken, but come on now lol 1 star hahahhaha that’s hilarious. Which leads me to this, why are you so miserable with your life that you have to make everyone else miserable? What is your purpose? Do you need a hug? Or maybe just something productive to do like actually doing something semi positive for someone else…..just maybe.

People who try to find you even though you’ve blocked them on pretty much everything:

If I block you guess what DON’T FIND ME ON ANYTHING ELSE. It means leave me alone. Don’t you find it strange that you are telling me to call you from LinkedIn and it’s not about a job opportunity. I don’t have time for your foolishness that’s why you were blocked in the first place.

People that are stuck:

Okay so you are stuck. You are in a place in your life that is uncomfortable and you don’t know your next move. We have all been there but you don’t have to stay in that position. You can make a plan and get out. It may not be easy but you can do it. Life is too short to dwell in a dead place and no one wants to constantly hear about it. So if you’re stuck…..MOVE something…anything just move.

People who lie about the most simple things:

My God in Heaven, why lie about the simplest things. Now I know sometimes people tell “white lies” to get out of tough situations, I get it. Is it right, nope but I get it. Now here’s my issue, when you lie all the freaking time for things that don’t even matter. Like I don’t get it. Here’s the issue, once you tell one lie, you have to keep lying. Look telling the truth may be hard but it’s the best way to go.
I hope this isn’t as petty as it sounded while I was typing it. But when I say I don’t have time, I mean I DON’T HAVE time. Honestly no one really has time for any of this foolishness. And neither should you. As I have told many of my students, life is too long AND too short to deal with any of the above or anything else you feel is just interfering with you living your best life. Make sure you listen to the podcast tomorrow which will be live on Facebook at 8 pm. We are going to talk about the journey to living a fulfilled life.

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#LessonsLearned: Music Soothes My Soul

Music for my heart

Day 7, Hey hey Kids!! Still on this amazing journey and I can notice a difference. If you are new, you are joining the me during a #30daysofblogging challenge.  I decided to do this to fight my depression and become more productive. I can honestly say that my plan is working, with the help of some banging music. Honestly I am in such a better head space it’s not even funny. I thank God and my support system for helping me to keep it together. My husband MADE me talk to him (which he can do that because I love him). He allowed me to speak my truth without any judgement or even trying to “fix” me. I’m not used to just venting and letting go, and he allowed me to do that very thing that I was in desperate need of.

Let’s get into the meat of this thing. Today isn’t anything really juicy, no real sarcasm or extra foolishness. Just want to talk about the music that’s feeding me at the moment. Now look some of these songs aren’t entirely spiritual and deep because that’s not what I listen to when I workout. I feel that there’s a time and place for everything, even music. When I workout that’s my time for the most ratchet part of my heart to come out. So let’s get into what I’m listening to……

A Great Work by Brian Courtney Wilson

This song has been helping me keep my head up. You know some times it’s frustrating trying to live up to the greatness that everyone sees in you. There are days that I feel like I can’t live up to anyone’s expectations, even my own. This song helps me to remember that I am not in this thing called life alone. The greatness that is in me, the fight to accomplish, the fight to be better than what I want to be, has noting to do with anything that I could have ever planted in myself. It’s a response to what has been in me since birth. When this fire was planted in me it was a fight to not only benefit me but others who I encounter. I may not be training for a track meet or another competition. This is a fight to complete this work that God has placed within me.

The Homecoming Album by Beyonce

Look you can have whatever opinion you want but this grown woman is killing it business wise. Beyonce has created a legacy for her children’s children. If you haven’t watched the Netflix special behind the production of the performance then you need to. The whole backstory is crazy and she pushed herself to the max to put on one hell of a show. So every mix on that album tells me not only am I capable because I am a Woman but I am capable because of who I believe I am.

Press by Cardi B

Now I warned you, and you can’t say I didn’t (refer to the second paragraph) please and thank you). Look this song has gotten me through the worst of leg day for the past two weeks. Talking about PRESS….what better way to tell me to throw up some weight. Soon as that beat drops that part of my lil rachet soul starts to flex (okay it’s not ratchet but you get what I mean).

Now do I have other music on the rotating ever evolving playlist, I sure do. But for now this is what’s keeping me going. Make sure you tune into the podcast that”s going to be on Facebook live at 8 pm tomorrow. Please please please go to https://linktr.ee/redcouchconfessions  to like, subscribe and follow on the different listening platforms (ESPECIALLY YouTube).  We will be discussing what happens when you’re filled but not fulfilled and what you can do.

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#lessonslearned First Comes Love Then Marriage…Then a Kid?!?!?

My eye

Day 6 and awwaaayyyy we go!! I’m proud of myself. Never would I have thought I would have made it this long with consistency (yes I know it’s only been 6 days). I’ll talk about that in tomorrow’s entry though. Today I want to talk about my hopes and dreams of one day having a kid. I’m so happy that God blessed me with a happy marriage and 2 amazing bonus kids. I promise I will seriously hurt someone over these two. Honestly they are the reason we aren’t in a big rush to have a little chocolate bundle of joy. But I can’t help but think what the little superhero would be like (yep that what he/she will be…have you not met me?)

Now I have a couple of things that I need people to know before I even think about getting preggo.

If I don’t ask then shhhhhhhhh……

I see this all the time, people giving women unsolicited advice while they are pregnant or about raising kids. What kind of egomaniac do you have to be to do this? That person has a whole support system that are full of educated or experienced individuals. Who are you to interject ideas and opinions on anyone else? If I don’t ask you then guess what don’t tell me nothing. You may think you are helping out but you have know clue what the whole situation is behind that mother and child.

I will love on my kid as much as I want

DON’T TELL ME MY CHILD WILL BE SPOILED IF I HOLD THEM TOO MUCH. Look black babies enter this world with SEVERAL setbacks. Why would I damage that baby anymore than what the world is going to do to them? So yes I will comfort them when they are sad. No I will not let them cry it out every single time. Do you know that’s how sociopaths are created. This is how you teach your children healthy emotional relationships and attachment. Oh and I’m not just talking about if I have a girl, nope this will happen with my boy as well. We need to teach both our sons and daughters that it’s okay to show emotions and feelings. Maybe this will cut down on the amount of broken unemotional adults that are passing their brokenness to others.

They can make all the messes they want

Studies have shown that children that are allowed to make messes to discover make better connections. They become better problem solvers. You can teach babies how to be messy and how to clean. So if you come in my house and we are both covered in shaving cream or water  don’t be worried. We might be having a drum solo on all the pots in the middle of the living room, just put in the complimentary ear plugs and mind your business. My baby will know that not all messes are bad and you can clean up just about anything. This the reason why my house has never been or will ever be NOT child friendly

If they don’t want to go to you guess what….

I shouldn’t have to explain this but here we go. Kids still have a built in sensor of “I’m not comfortable” and adults seem to ignore that to make other adults feel better. I refuse to take a baby that isn’t reaching for me, why because that child isn’t comfortable around me. So don’t get offended if I don’t make my kid go to you. I will respect my child’s boundaries.

If you haven’t figured it…I’m going to be that extra parent. Just warning you now. So for those who keep asking when, just know I’m going to be super extra. Make sure you tune into the podcast this Wednesday. As always I post it to the podcast page the next day. Please make sure you subscribe and like as you watch or listen on any major listening platforms spotify, apple podcast, or google podcast  

 

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#lessonslearned Adulting Is A Scam

Adulting sucks

 

Hey, hey, and hey!! #30daysofblogging is still going strong. Let’s talk about this scam called adulting. I hate it!!! I blame my parents and those adults I had constant contact with through the years. They made it seem like they were having an absolute ball, when in reality they were just fumbling through it too. I have a couple of things I want to get off my chest so adulting will know that I’m onto it’s scam (lil B.A.N… all me what this means in person and I’ll tell you).

 

Life is full of boring, repetitive, mundane tasks.

It’s all stupid!! All of it! Look I thought I was going to have an adventure everyday in adulthood. I could do what I want, when I want and how I want. Nope it’s all a farce. The most excitement I get in a day is realizing all my bills are paid and I have enough money leftover to maybe get a drink. Seriously Adulting meme 1there’s not a day that doesn’t go by where I’m NOT listening for something to make a weird noise or breaks down. Ughhh which reminds me I have to look for someone to replace the roof soon (I DON’T WANNA DO IT!!!!)

 

None of us really know what we’re doing

I’m a teacher by profession which really sucks because the EXPECTATION is that I have this adulting thing down.When your students see you they see a beaming pillar of adulthood….right? No, nope, uhhh uhh, nah. None of us adults really know what we are doing. It’s like we are all walking around in the dark trying not to trip over furniture, just some of us have been doing it longer than others.Adulting meme2

I see it like this each generation is looking to get advice from the one before us but honestly it’s all just what we experienced in life. Don’t believe me? Okay do this, go talk about a problem with someone who you think is more adult than you and really listen to their advice. If you listen closely you can hear the absolute insecurity behind their confidence. They really don’t know if their advice is going to help your situation. I’m pretty sure most of our grandparents are looking at life and wondering how could they EVER relate to the things we’re going through.

 

Making friends is hard

I love my friends I really do, but making friends now isn’t as easy as when you were little. Back then it was simply “Do you want to play____” or “I like you hair/dress/doll/….etc”. As adults we are trying to figure out who is the most comfortable with our trauma. Who will accept all my issues and say “Sure, let’s be friends”. You have to find somebody who’s willing to be vulnerable with your issues and you have to be the same with theirs.

 

Family…..ummm

Family is a little different when adulting as well. You start to realize you may love them but ummm you don’t really like them. You start to see the toxic qualities and realize they aren’t really healthy to be around. Family begins to become who you accept in and not always what you were born into (I think I said that right). You get to define family and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.  

 

Your dreams don’t mean Sugar Honey Ice Tea

I swear I cried when my dreams of adulthood slowly began to fade. As someone once told me “Your dreams don’t mean $#:+”, and they were right. As you get older you figure out dreams are not fairytales. Things don’t just fall into place….. unless your born into a wealthy family. Your dreams are your vision, your visions evolve into plans and your plans require work. Your dreams don’t mean $#:+ if all your going to do is talk about them.  You don’t want to be THAT friend that has all the bright ideas and dreams but only talks about it. You will soon see the people around you will start to move around when you talk about your BIG IDEAS (insert eyeroll).

Adulting meme 3

The only real comfort I can give you is this: adulting might be a scam BUT you can have some good times along the way.

1.Cherish every moment

2. Don’t hold onto foolishness

3. Be genuine

4. Accept everybody for who they are, not whthey can give you.

#lessonslearned: My Faith ALWAYS Pulls Me Through…….

 

Faith: Bible and my picture

Day 4, blog 4 and here we go. If you are just tuning in well let me catch you up. I am doing a #30daysofblogging challenge to fight depression and stay productive. The things that have kept me pushing forward are my family, my friends and my faith. My faith is what has always kept me rooted and grounded in the best kind of way. It’s been the one thing that has always been there to pull me through life.

My RELATIONSHIP not my religion

I have a firm solid relationship with God that has been tested and tried in the fire. I knew that a relationship with God was more than hoping that I get what I needed from Him, like a genie in a bottle. There’s a difference between the two. Religion keeps you in a box. A relationship frees you from that box. I learned the difference from living life. See in my mind I had to be the good little church girl which I was trying my hardest to be.

I was at church every Sunday, bible study every Wednesday night, prayer meetings, conferences, working with the youth, singing in the choir, child I tried it. You know trying to be the model christian girl, the one others looked up to, the “Chosen One” in the church. Therefore, I was working so hard at putting up this front that I was screaming on the inside and was miserable, not because I was serving God but I was trying too hard. Sounds confusing right….well let me explain.

The Change

I learned that I couldn’t bribe God with good behavior. The process I had to work through was that I knew that God had called me and chosen me. Even if I didn’t feel like I was worthy. I was miserable because I was trying to make everyone proud and instead actually being genuine.Now don’t get me wrong I’m still trying to figure out the perfect balance for my life. I do know that God wants me to enjoy the earth and the things He has blessed me with. And that my life is in His hands, my faith is the reason I move in confidence and not in fear.

The remedy

Now am I not saying I’m perfect….heck to the no. I’m pretty sure at some point I have broken a few commandments while writing this blog (help my mouth Lord!!!). If you’re offended after reading this all I can tell you right now is to stop reading my blog or listening to the podcast all together. And if you feel the need to judge me…..honey judge your mama. Child please don’t go running to your pastor. First of all this is what works for me, because it’s my relationship not your’s. But I can tell you this, I feel a much bigger connection.

Inspiration

Now let me leave you with some scriptures that help me to continue pull through, every single day:

  1. Ephesians 3:20
  2. Philippians 4:13
  3. Proverbs 4:23
  4. Isaiah 41:10
  5. I Peter 5:7

Like I said before, I am definitely not trying to tell you how to serve God. My goal is to try to be as transparent as possible and not have you believe there’s some mystical nonsense to God. Just believe and listen, I promise things will change. No you won’t always get what you want, but remember GOD IS NOT A GENIE. That’s not the way life works.

#lessonslearned: What About Your Friends….

I don’t know if ya’ll are going to get tired of me or not but here I am again. If you are new and reading then let me catch you up. In order to fight this battle against depression I am doing #30daysofblogging challenge. I am just trying to make sure I stay productive, transparent and true to myself. It’s really exciting to look forward to creating something new and committing to it each day. This entry is dedicated to some of the most influential people in my life, my friends. As the popular 90’s girls group would say “What about your frieeeennnnnndddddssss”. I posted an article on my Facebook account that talked about how the majority of your friends really don’t like you. Which is inconceivable (Name that movie in the comments lol) but I believe it.

I love each and everyone even the ones who judge and talk about me behind my back. Why, because at some place in their inner core they are still who they were when I met them. Now does this mean I deal with them the same, hell no. Did you not just read that first line? Just because I love someone does not mean that I can trust them. Baby life has shown me that when a person has shown you their actions believe that and not their lip service. I digress….this is not about that. I just want to talk about the different type of friendships you may encounter in life and some of the pitfalls that can come between the relationship if you let it.

The Childhood Friend:

This is your friend who has known you since before you could even think about adulting. The friend who can recall when you got your first bra, period, boyfriend and heartache. This is the friend who knows your secrets and will take them to the grave. She/He will have your back until the end and will never let anything come between your friendship….unless. The hard thing about this type of friendship is it hurts when they change on you and I’m not talking about the good kind of change. What destroys this relationship is when one of the parties begins to feel like you aren’t doing what they feel you should do.Quote about friendship

They stop being true themselves and you. They can’t accept the positive changes that are happening in your life because they want you to stay the exact same. If you get to this point make sure you try to rectify the situation and bring it to their attention. This friend will either hear you out and see your truth OR they will just continue to live the lie that they have created for themselves.

Friends Made In Crisis:

This is a friendship that’s starts through crisis. Through some kind of tragic life event and they support you through it. They offer amazing advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just a listening ear. These friendships create strong support systems. Now they hard part is can this friendship stand times of peace. This is usually when crisis friendships end. They can’t last unless something crucial is happening.

Co-worker Friends:

It is hard to make have friendships in the place where you work. often times you just want to go to work and go home. In the event where you do make friends with co-workers, it can make your work day go by with less stress and more support. No the downfall of this can be if that co-worker friend doesn’t know how to separate work from personal. It’s when they step outside the lines and bring up something extremely personal in front of other co-workers who don’t know personal details. This is when you have to set boundaries. Co-worker friends need to know everybody is not invited to the friendship party.

First Time Hit It Off Friends:

I honestly love these type of friends, they can be the BEST friends ever or your worst enemies (don’t judge me, I like a gamble). You meet a person at a gathering and you know immediately that ya’ll are just going to kick it forever in life. A month later you are on a girls trip like you’ve known each other for all of your life. The best thing about these type of friendships is that there’s no preconceived ideas about anything. Get to know that person for who they are and not what they used to be. Now this friendship can still be a little dicey. I mean sociopaths are charismatic when you first meet them. So you may have to slow things down to make sure they are who they say they are.

Friends by Association:

These aren’t really friends but they are friends of friends so they must be cool right. Ugghhh nope not at all. You have to be really careful, they could just be using someone else in the friend group. With this type of friendship I would keep my distance and get to know the person before you truly call them a real friend.

Well I hope this was informative. I can think of one person in each of these categories and how the friendship has impacted my life. I feel if you don’t have friends you need to evaluate your life and to see what is causing you to be so closed off. Friends are there to love you, support you, make bad decisions with and tell you about yourself. How can you grow as a person if you don’t have that in your life? Make sure you tune into the podcast next week. I think I am actually going to make it a viewer’s choice episode because I need something lighthearted and fun in my life.

#lessonslearned I Wanna Do Over

Have you ever wondered what if your life went different? The “What ifs” are sometimes what keeps us moving forward in life. I always wonder what would happen if things went a tad bit different. I get that my past has shaped who I am today, but I still some times have a few “What if” questions that stay in the back of my mind. There are things in my life that I am extremely proud of: 2 Master’s in Education, owned my home home before 30, an amazing family, great sister friends, etc. I just really wanna do over!!!

Do Over: No credit card at 18….

I promise I am so happy that universities have stopped credit card companies from preying on college students. Now my credit card usage was okay, but that was a lot of responsibility to hand to me at 18. I didn’t turn 18 until the first day of classes my freshman year in college. My parents taught me a little about credit: make sure to pay your bills on time and not missing payments. To hand a high rate card to an unsuspecting immature 18 year old is like giving a gun to a baby. It’s not fair.

Do Over: No serious relationships until 21….

Okay this one is a reach but hear me out. I was really not ready for the relationship I had in college. I was still trying to find myself. Doing that and trying to date was craziness. Most of the fights we had were mostly because we were fighting to let our true self to be heard. I remember when we broke up I was sad because I knew I was losing a friend but I was free. There was a freedom to discover

the things I liked and disliked. A freedom to express myself the way I wanted and not try to keep myself as 18/19 year old for the rest of my life. Check out my post The Solo Act, my journey in random situationships.

Do Over: I would have JUST did it

I held myself back from a lot of things because of others.There was an invitation to try out for the US bobsled team, but I let my relationship keep me in Missouri. I was invited to go on an

backpacking tour out of the country but I stayed. It was always a struggle between making sure everybody else was okay and my feelings. Instead of doing what I do now, NOW I just act and think more about how it will bring value to my life. At the end of the day that’s all that really matters, how I feel about my life and how it turns out is the only thing that matters in the end
This “What ifs” are the reason why I live my life the way I do now. No more regrets, no more welllll, I’m just living my life to the fullest. I’m sure people don’t like but IDGAFF…..I’m going to make sure what I do honors me and makes this world freaking amazing. Check out the podcast and go look at some of the new MERCH!!