#LesssonsLearned The Adjustments

What’s up good peoples!! It has been an amazing start to October. No joke I am still happy August and even September have drifted away. We are now in the 4th quarter of the year and I am ready to get 2019 over with. Let’s talk about some of the new adjustments that have taken place.

Now don’t get me wrong 2019 hasn’t been all horrible a couple of great things happened:
  1. We got married….That’s why we are talking about the adjustments LAWD!!
  2. The Confessions From a Red Couch podcast was born. I was able to put these words into full actions and personality.
  3. I was featured in Voyage Houston Magazine where I talked about the balance between Life and Work 
  4. The Journey Back To Loving Yourself  ebook was finished in July and is now available for purchase. I spent 4 years thinking through this concept and was finally able to put it to paper (keyboard).
  5. Season 2 of the Confessions From A Red Couch Podcast has begun. I have also been blessed to collab with other amazing podcasts. Make sure your are following the instagram page so you can check out the features. I’ll also post on here just to keep you in the loop.

As you can see as much as I have complained about the couple of months of craziness, it has been a great year. I know in a couple of months I will look back and be okay with how things are turning out.

The Adjustment

I know I promised you guys a series but I just couldn’t get my thoughts together to type it out. So I went ahead and presented it on the Season 2 premiere of the podcast. It’s super cray because I went from being single and independent to married life. You can watch here or listen on any major major listening platform (links listed below).

Apple podcast

Google Podcast




#lessonslearned: The Adjustment Series

The adjustment


We gonna start this thing off right!! We J Strick-Nunn in the house tonight ( Thank you DJ Jubilee) Hello my loves and welcome back to another session on the red couch. For the next group of posts I will be focusing on my adventures in marriage, I shall call it The Adjustment. So listen I have not done anything like this in my life and please believe it’s not for the faint of heart. I love my husband Lord knows I do but this is a new crazy adventure for me. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I didn’t know what I was getting into when I got into it. There was no book, or past experience that could get me through any of this. 

For the next five weeks I am going to talk about the five areas I had to make the most adjustment to: 

  1. Sharing my space: Wait you need me to move my things
  2. Not being the ULTIMATE boss: But I don’t know how not to be
  3. Sticking to a budget: Uggghhhhh this isn’t life
  4. Having a Social Life: Naw I can’t go there with them
  5. I got kids!!!: Instant kids, instant love

Somebody said I needed to write a book about all of this, but I’m still learning….it’s only been 8 months (whew I remembered). As you read remember, these are my confessions and my truth. You may not have the same truth as me and that’s okay. Just read for your enjoyment and laugh at my uncomfortableness as I progress through this life long journey with this amazing man. Make sure to check out episode 7 of the Confessions From A Red Couch Podcast to hear how My Husband and I have approached marriage and what we are doing to make sure we stay in sync with one another. Also learn how I had to love myself BEFORE I could even enter a relationship with Chris in my new ebook The Journey Back to Loving Yourself (click here).


#Lessonslearned The Update from August

Hey September!!! Thank goodness you made it because August kicked my firm high sitting butt. I have never been more disappointed by my birthday month more that this year (that includes the year I lost my job). It sucked the majority of life I had left in me, almost to the point where I wanted to tell God. Like I literally wanted to be a tattle tale (smh I guess I kind of did because I have been praying). Don’t worry though I am definitely going to get a new therapists (stupid referral system) so that I can talk all this out. 


I have still been working on the blog and podcast. Trying to bring you new things to keep you engaged and entertained. The blog appearance has changed. I am hoping it’s easier to navigate and you can get to the merch site easier (get a t shirt …you know you want one). The podcast is on hiatus until October. I was supposed to start this month but I didn’t have it in me after August. I had no creative juice to spare to create anything, but I’m ready now. Also don’t forget the ebook Journey Back to Loving Yourself is now available as well (just click the merch tab)

What’s to Come…

For the rest of this month I will be talking about several things that have to do with marriage. Why? Well it’s the season that I am in. I have learned so much in these 8 months of marriage than what anyone could ever teach. As the saying goes, “Experience is the best teacher”. Like no lie and no joke. There was no amount of preparation from marriage counseling or advice from other married couples that could help with this thing. It’s utterly confusing, gratifying and some days I want to choke the $#!+ out of him, but when it all comes down to it, I love and support him till death do us part (whoever brings it on without getting charged for it). 

So stay tuned. I promise I won’t leave you hanging like I’ve done in the past and continue to help and support me ( if you know anyone looking for a freelance blogger mention me). While you wait for a new podcast episode check out the podcast tab and listen or watch your favorite. 

Back to School…..Teacher Edition

Back to school

Welcome to August!! I hope things are working out great for you this month. It’s my birthday month so I am usually upbeat around this time. But it also brings about all the back to school hoopla. Being a teacher I thought I would give the non-educators a bit of what we look forward to with the beginning of the school year.

Here are some things teachers have to look forward to with the start of the new school year:

Your sleep pattern screws up two weeks before you go back:

I am outraged!!! The first month and a half of summer I would go to sleep at 1030 and wake up at 630 am with no problems. I could even get in little naps. Now that it’s August my body and mind are rebelling. I lay down at 1030 at night and my eyes don’t close until 2 am. Really body? You know good and well we have to start waking up at 5 am…..what is your problem?

Now you will know the actual date and time:

For teachers the only dates we know during the summer are Memorial Day weekend, the last day of school, and the day we have to report back to school. That’s it. Other than that if there isn’t a professional development scheduled in June or July or even a vacation planned, we lose all concept of days and time. Sometimes you may look up and have lost of couple of days because it’s really not that important.

You have to uninstall the games on your phone:

You gotta let them go. Now our days are about to be filled with meetings, professional development, oh and teaching and engaging our students. So candy crush will have to wait until your next long break. I’m an Empires and Puzzles fan myself. All of this will have to take a back seat so that we can get our minds to function on the right wavelength.

You have to remind your friends not to mention you in the group text:

I don’t know about you but my group chats can be the highlight of my day. My friends and I celebrate each others accomplishments, update each other on important news, and give immediate comfort when someone is just having a crappy day. Now I will have to wait until lunch or my off period (depends which comes first) to respond. If your group chat is like mine then it’s possible you need to ask someone for a recap lol

Time to train your bladder again:

Le sigh…this is the one I hate the most. Retraining my bladder. There’s no more going to the potty when you want. I mean you can but you might lose your job for leaving the students unattended without finding someone to cover your class. Once you figure out your schedule it can be pretty easy. You’ll be able to schedule your drinks of water and when you can sprint to the restroom.

If you’re reading this and you are not a teacher, pray for us. We need it. If you are a parent and happy your kids are going back, keep that same energy when we contact you about lil Sarah and Lil Johnny’s behavior in class. Don’t hit us with “They don’t ever act like that with me” especially if you’re about to throw a whole going away party for them on the first day of school. 

Confessions update: 

Podcast is taking the month of August off to prepare for season 2. It will all get started September 4. If you or anyone you know would like to be a guest on the show please email me at theconfessionsfromaredcouch@gmail.com. We would be happy to share your story. Also we would love you feedback. How are you liking the podcast/blog? Click here 

It’s finally here!!! The Journey Back To Loving Yourself is now available for purchase. It is my journey back to loving myself after dealing with a job from hell, a health scare, and the most confusing situationship I’ve ever had. I had to take certain steps to get back to proper self-love and self-care and I wanted to share them with those who are struggling as well. It’s an ebook that offers interactive exercises to help you work through the process. 


#lessonslearned I Know….I Know

I know

Hey hey Kids!!! I feel like Krusty the Clown from The Simpson’s when I typed that lol. I know I didn’t finish what I started but let me explain. July turned out to be busier than what I’d thought it would be. I had to do curriculum writing…ummm yayy…fun…yeah that’s right lol. I will be featured on two podcast, And She Creates and Shall We Proceed, both can be found on Spotify and all other major listening platforms. Oh and the new episodes of my podcast!!!

As you can see it’s been kinda busy but let me get to the thing that I’ve been avoiding. If you just tuned in then you don’t really know this but for my regular readers I would like to apologize. I promised you guys #30daysofblogging and it didn’t happen. Unfortunately I got distracted by something more important.

Y’all I finished my book!!! Yes, the book I’ve been working on for the past four years!!! It was the hardest thing I’ve done in a while.

It will be available August 1st on my website http://buyconfessionsfromaredcouch.com and Amazon. This year has been a year of birth for me. Most people probably would have waved it off because I didn’t do it the way they wanted me to, but guess what I DON’T CARE!!! I pushed myself extremely hard this year and it may not show yet but this year ain’t over yet.

So this week I’m going to enjoy my vacation with my girls. I’m going to show my husband the attention that he needs and we’re going to finish out this year strong as hell. I promise we are going to be set up nice for 2020. I’m too excited!!!

#Lessonslearned Self Destructive Behaviors Is What I Used To Do

self destruction

Hey hey kids!!! I am still here, still going strong. #30daysofblogging has been a completely amazing journey. Day 15 is in full effect and the halfway mark. I had to take a brief break to recover from the weekend. No I wasn’t kickin it (lol waiting until the Girls Trip 2019), but Chris had his first catering job. I am super proud of him and the amazing job he did. If you are in the Houston/Dallas area and you need amazing food made by a professional chef contact All or Nunn Catering. He does food prep, intimate date nights and large parties. Okay enough with me gushing over bae, let’s talk about self destructive behaviors.

Since I started this blog I have been fighting some bad habits and behaviors. I knew I had to change some self destructive tendencies I had adapted into my life. Why, because they just made it easier to traverse through life. Now just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s right…and that’s my TED talk 🤷🏾‍♀️. I kid, but I’m going to be transparent about my foolishness.

Negative Self Talk

I wrote an entry earlier this year about the damage of negative self talk and how to move forward. Negative self talk is a cancer to your life. I know for a fact that the majority of my other self destructive tendencies stem from this one right here. Think about it, if you have nothing positive to say about yourself how can you believe what anyone else says about you. I used negative self talk to beat others negative criticism about me, and the crazy thing is that no one else was doing it but me. I had to shift my way of thinking about myself in order to appreciate the things that I have been doing as much as everyone else around me.

Failing to Take Action

I used to be the queen of planning things but never moving past the plan. So much so I was being honored with an award and right before I told everyone who was supposed to show up that I wasn’t coming. Why, because of failure to action. I didn’t want to do it because it would bring attention to me. And by bringing attention to me people would see that I wasn’t worth the award. Now do you see that stupid way of thinking? Just dumb….I don’t want to act because it will bring attention to me.

Oh here’s another one I fail to act because I’m afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I will not act. Therefore I wouldn’t know if my idea would work or not because I DIDN’T ACT. What foolishness is this. I’m in a rut because I refused to act and it’s no one else’s fault but mine. Chillleeee if y’all don’t give me an offering after this…..LAWD. My book is not done yet because of fear of failure. I don’t do Facebook/IG live because of fear of failure. I don’t act so I DON’T SUCCEED.

Hiding From Emotion

I was the emotionless queen for a while. I didn’t have appropriate emotional responses to certain situations. Instead of being sad anger was the only response I could show when I was hurt. I never cried l and I only showed love to my family and really close friends. And when I did cry it was usually because I was so angry and I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. How confusing is was this to others? Honestly I was the epitome of the stereotypical “Angry Black Woman”.

I started to see the effect it had on my relationships and knew I had to change. I realized showing emotions was not weakness and angry does not make me strong (but it did make me look crazy).

Sabotaging Relationships

Hello my name is Janae and I used to utterly DE-STROY relationships. You don’t do something I like? Gone. I get a bad vibe….skert skert (sorry I’m listening to Migos lol). Why, I think it has to do with showing emotions and being vulnerable. I didn’t want ANYONE think that they could do anything to hurt me. So relationships l, for me, were only temporary and based on my needs getting satisfied. Sure the other person might have thought I was being sweet and caring, but in reality I was counting down to the days I would ghost them (I didn’t say I have always been a great person). I didn’t learn it was possible to have a healthy relationship until I started to work on myself. That was when I decided to stop sabotaging my relationship with myself so that I could actually have healthy relationships with others.

That’s what this blog and podcast are all about. I really want people to see that I know where you’re coming from and I can get you to where you want to go. Life is hard, but when you add self inflicted pain from self destructive behaviors it becomes sad and lonely. Do yourself a favor and let that stuff go. You need to drop your guard and have healthy boundaries.


#Lessonslearned The Heavy Burden of Being The Oldest


Oldest Child

Day 12 I feel like it’s been the 12 days of Christmas lol. Each day has brought some type of new experience, thought, or idea. I’m in awe of the progress and the process. I’m sorry I didn’t post this yesterday but I was helping my husband with his first successful catering job (I’m SUPER proud). Today let’s talk about the heavy burden of being the oldest.

Being the oldest is the most overrated experience in my life. I really don’t understand why God chose to put me here first because honestly I would have chosen to be the absolute last. There’s a sort of freedom you get to have when you’re the baby of the family. Not quite that for us older children, we aren’t really afforded that freedom.

1. I always had to be the example

Do you know how hard it is to live up to a standard you never asked to have. Okay so I know I’m strong willed and goal oriented but honestly I really didn’t have a choice in all of this. I was the first and whether I liked it or not that was my job. To achieve the highest achievement and not to let everyone else down. Why because I have to set the example for those who came after me (even though sometimes I feel resented because if it).

2. My shoulders are broad and my back is strong

I feel like being the oldest adult child is the hardest when it comes to bearing everyone’s issues. We catch everything from everyone because they feel we can hold it all. Most of the times we do because we know one else can. So we are built with broad shoulders and strong backs to hold the world for everybody else. We hold it all. Why, because we know both worlds.

3. We’re didn’t ask to be here

Unbeknownst to most of the world, the oldest child never really asks to be here. The middle and youngest are usually the ones that get the happy celebration of knowing they are welcomed in the world, but like most of the oldest children in the world I wasn’t planned. So my arrival was more like an “Oh s#:+” or a “what are we going to do now” target than a “yay we are getting a baby girl”. I think this is what makes most of us fighters. We have the sink or swim mentality. It’s  been the survival of the fittest since birth and you just have to keep fighting.

4. We protect the family at any cost

In the entry about My 2 Dads I said I would go to war for my family. If it ever comes to that point just know I’m winning that war. I pride in the fact and they know it. It’s not that I’m territorial, it’s a result of the absolute love I have for my family. My need to perfect them from any hurt or danger. That’s my job as the oldest.

But here’s the root of the root, the heart of the heart,  when it comes to being the oldest I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I believe God sent me first because he knew I could do the job. It’s hard and stressful but I get the job done. And if any of my siblings addre reading this know yall were always the first lovers of my life,  and I’d still mess anybody up who tries you.

I want to give a big shout out to all those who have subscribed, liked, commented, visited the website and shared the blog, the podcast, and anything else I have produced or brought to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Episode 13

#LessonsLearned #30daysofblogging and a Better Head Space


Day 11 and here I am. The #30daysofblogging challenge has dramatically improved my mental space. I can’t say I’m 100% okay because no one actually is but I can say I’m in a much better head space. If you are new to the blog well let me catch you up and for others let me give you an update. 11 days ago I was in a really bad place mentally. My depression and anxiety were at an all time high. So much so I missed 2 networking events because of panic attacks. I was able to identify I needed to do something different and came up with a plan. 

The plan was simple: limit my time on social media, blog for 30 days straight, increase my cardio and spend 10 minutes of each morning in silence. So far I’ve been doing okay but I still need help in some areas. 

No more messenger:

 Not only have I been limiting my time on social media but I also have gotten rid of Facebook messenger. That was the hardest thing to let go. I honestly have 2 of my top three group chats on messenger but I had to let it go.I knew I couldn’t be a good friend/sister if I wasn’t in a good head space. Do I feel like I’m missing out on their lives, nope I can always text them to make sure they are okay. Mental health is the single most important thing to help you foster positive relationships. If my friends don’t get it, then they aren’t my friends anyway 🤷🏾‍♀️

Cardio sucks but power lifting is my jam:

Yes I’m still getting my cardio in but not as frequent as I said I would. I don’t know but it’s just not my go to. I’m more of a power girl and so in October I’m going to compete in my first power lifting meet!!! I feel so amazing about it because it gives me a goal to shoot for. With that being said if you are reading this you are now officially an accountability partner. Make sure you check up on me every now and then and give me some good old words of encouragement. 

Not quite 10 minutes….:

I’m still trying to master this 10 minutes of quiet time. It’s freaking hard with 1 million things going on during the day. Oh and did I mention a husband, yeah he searches for me in his sleep so leaving the bed in the morning is kind of hard. Regardless, I’m going to try a little bit harder to get a little bit of silence in my life. Especially before school starts back. 

As you can see I’m trying. That’s the biggest thing, I refuse to quit and let the darkness of the depression win. Make sure you check out the recent podcast if you haven’t watched or listened to it yet.  The next episode will be on July 10 and we will be discussing why you shouldn’t date when you’re lonely. Also check out the MERCH website and let me know what you think. Would you like to see something added or taking away. If so, just leave a comment on this page. 

Episode 13

#LessonsLearned: My 2 Dads and My Daddy Issues

My two Dads

Day 10 of the #30daysofblogging challenge and I am officially doing so much better. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If anything it means I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I love this journey that I have taken. I fill so much more fulfilled and encouraged. Thank you to all of those who have been reading my foolishness I really appreciate it. Now this entry is near and dear to my heart. So with having two dads I still had daddy issues. It wasn’t until I got older, and started this scam of adulting, did I begin to understand that my dads had to be take off the pedestal that I had put them on. As life happened to me it allowed me to see that life was happening to them but I was around to see it.

My two dads, both named Bruce, are amazing people. No they are not perfect but they each had a chance to sow into my life and honestly they still do. I think God did this on purpose because seriously who else in the world would have two dads with the same name raising a very strong willed, independent little girl. I needed that male guidance in my life to ensure that I didn’t think all men were trash.

Just Regular

Now having two dads did not stop me from having daddy issues, I wish. Nope, they were just trying to be the best dads they could be. Let me say this again this is in NO WAY bashing them. My father’s are m&*^f&*((*& amazing. I would absolutely go to war for them on any given day ( which means you will die). The biggest lesson I had to learn is that they were human, regular black men who are just trying to make it in this world. The world that sees them as a danger no matter how good, how loving, how innocent they are. They were trying to protect their families and themselves from all the dangers that were are right outside the front door.

Not Superheroes

As much as I wanted to believe that they weren’t, they were just regular men trying to live. I think all little girls believe that their dads are the superest of superheroes. We want to believe that they are above the cares of the world and their one and only job is to make us happy. Well my friends that is not the case. Dads are just men who are trying to make it the best way they can in this world. Fathers have the almost equally as tough as being a mom:they have to provide, protect, nurture and be a man. There’s no manual to that stuff. They feel just like everyone else. They hurt, they love, they mourn and when no one is looking they cry. Dads aren’t faster than a speeding bullet, they aren’t super strong, or have laser eyes. They are humans who make human mistakes.

I appreciate you

I appreciate them and all they have done for me. As I got older I all the resentment I had for the little things  went away. As an adult I understand that some things they were just working out for themselves. They had life trauma they needed to work through just like me but the difference is seeing a therapist is more acceptable now than back then. Mental health is now a priority and not some thing that people look down upon.

Say Something

If you haven’t gotten anything out of this you need to understand this: if your dad was present, supportive and loving in his own way, then you had a great father figure. Now this is in now way excusing s&*^)# behavior from anyone. If your dad sucked beyond measure, if he was absent or abusive call him out on it. Why, because you have a right to confront the issue. With that being said, I would definitely love to thank my 2 dads. My Bruces (lol) for all the love and support that they could give to me. I know you weren’t perfect and neither am I but I do appreciate you.

Well this entry was short and to the point lol I don’t want to belabor the point. Make sure you like, subscribe comment and share. It’s always appreciated. Also visit this link to listen to the podcast or get Confessions From A Red Couch merch. Day 11 will probably be just a quick update of things that have changed in the past 10 days since I started the challenge.


#LessonsLearned: I Don’t Have Time

I don't have time
Day 8 and away we go. Just a recap, #30daysofblogging is still going strong. I am in a better mental place AND my productivity is kicking booty. I got something I need to get off my chest though. My really good sister-friend Kimbrella uses one of my favorite phrases to state how she feels about foolishness “I DON’T HAVE TIME!!!” That’s the way I feel about certain things in life….I DON’T HAVE TIME. Anything that’s not productive or life changing is a waste of time I do not have. What’s the purpose of putting energy into things that aren’t beneficial to my life right now. I have enough on my plate as it is.
Things I DO NOT have time for:

Hyper judgmental people:

Why, WHY must we still be on this judgmental thing: Like it’s 2019, we’ve had a black president, taken multiple trips to the moon and outer space, even electric cars. People still have opinions about what others are doing with their lives. Guess what there’s more than one way to do things, so stop. Stop getting mad because people aren’t doing what you think they should do. Also how about you go judge ya mama because she probably ain’t doing nothing you want her to do either.

People who are just mean for the simple fact of being mean:

So I was looking through my comments and ratings for the podcast and somebody gave me a one star rating. Now if I wasn’t secure in myself I would have been shaken, but come on now lol 1 star hahahhaha that’s hilarious. Which leads me to this, why are you so miserable with your life that you have to make everyone else miserable? What is your purpose? Do you need a hug? Or maybe just something productive to do like actually doing something semi positive for someone else…..just maybe.

People who try to find you even though you’ve blocked them on pretty much everything:

If I block you guess what DON’T FIND ME ON ANYTHING ELSE. It means leave me alone. Don’t you find it strange that you are telling me to call you from LinkedIn and it’s not about a job opportunity. I don’t have time for your foolishness that’s why you were blocked in the first place.

People that are stuck:

Okay so you are stuck. You are in a place in your life that is uncomfortable and you don’t know your next move. We have all been there but you don’t have to stay in that position. You can make a plan and get out. It may not be easy but you can do it. Life is too short to dwell in a dead place and no one wants to constantly hear about it. So if you’re stuck…..MOVE something…anything just move.

People who lie about the most simple things:

My God in Heaven, why lie about the simplest things. Now I know sometimes people tell “white lies” to get out of tough situations, I get it. Is it right, nope but I get it. Now here’s my issue, when you lie all the freaking time for things that don’t even matter. Like I don’t get it. Here’s the issue, once you tell one lie, you have to keep lying. Look telling the truth may be hard but it’s the best way to go.
I hope this isn’t as petty as it sounded while I was typing it. But when I say I don’t have time, I mean I DON’T HAVE time. Honestly no one really has time for any of this foolishness. And neither should you. As I have told many of my students, life is too long AND too short to deal with any of the above or anything else you feel is just interfering with you living your best life. Make sure you listen to the podcast tomorrow which will be live on Facebook at 8 pm. We are going to talk about the journey to living a fulfilled life.

podcast promo

Loading cart ⌛️ ...