#lessonslearned: My Faith ALWAYS Pulls Me Through…….

 

Faith: Bible and my picture

Day 4, blog 4 and here we go. If you are just tuning in well let me catch you up. I am doing a #30daysofblogging challenge to fight depression and stay productive. The things that have kept me pushing forward are my family, my friends and my faith. My faith is what has always kept me rooted and grounded in the best kind of way. It’s been the one thing that has always been there to pull me through life.

My RELATIONSHIP not my religion

I have a firm solid relationship with God that has been tested and tried in the fire. I knew that a relationship with God was more than hoping that I get what I needed from Him, like a genie in a bottle. There’s a difference between the two. Religion keeps you in a box. A relationship frees you from that box. I learned the difference from living life. See in my mind I had to be the good little church girl which I was trying my hardest to be.

I was at church every Sunday, bible study every Wednesday night, prayer meetings, conferences, working with the youth, singing in the choir, child I tried it. You know trying to be the model christian girl, the one others looked up to, the “Chosen One” in the church. Therefore, I was working so hard at putting up this front that I was screaming on the inside and was miserable, not because I was serving God but I was trying too hard. Sounds confusing right….well let me explain.

The Change

I learned that I couldn’t bribe God with good behavior. The process I had to work through was that I knew that God had called me and chosen me. Even if I didn’t feel like I was worthy. I was miserable because I was trying to make everyone proud and instead actually being genuine.Now don’t get me wrong I’m still trying to figure out the perfect balance for my life. I do know that God wants me to enjoy the earth and the things He has blessed me with. And that my life is in His hands, my faith is the reason I move in confidence and not in fear.

The remedy

Now am I not saying I’m perfect….heck to the no. I’m pretty sure at some point I have broken a few commandments while writing this blog (help my mouth Lord!!!). If you’re offended after reading this all I can tell you right now is to stop reading my blog or listening to the podcast all together. And if you feel the need to judge me…..honey judge your mama. Child please don’t go running to your pastor. First of all this is what works for me, because it’s my relationship not your’s. But I can tell you this, I feel a much bigger connection.

Inspiration

Now let me leave you with some scriptures that help me to continue pull through, every single day:

  1. Ephesians 3:20
  2. Philippians 4:13
  3. Proverbs 4:23
  4. Isaiah 41:10
  5. I Peter 5:7

Like I said before, I am definitely not trying to tell you how to serve God. My goal is to try to be as transparent as possible and not have you believe there’s some mystical nonsense to God. Just believe and listen, I promise things will change. No you won’t always get what you want, but remember GOD IS NOT A GENIE. That’s not the way life works.

#lessonslearned: What About Your Friends….

I don’t know if ya’ll are going to get tired of me or not but here I am again. If you are new and reading then let me catch you up. In order to fight this battle against depression I am doing #30daysofblogging challenge. I am just trying to make sure I stay productive, transparent and true to myself. It’s really exciting to look forward to creating something new and committing to it each day. This entry is dedicated to some of the most influential people in my life, my friends. As the popular 90’s girls group would say “What about your frieeeennnnnndddddssss”. I posted an article on my Facebook account that talked about how the majority of your friends really don’t like you. Which is inconceivable (Name that movie in the comments lol) but I believe it.

I love each and everyone even the ones who judge and talk about me behind my back. Why, because at some place in their inner core they are still who they were when I met them. Now does this mean I deal with them the same, hell no. Did you not just read that first line? Just because I love someone does not mean that I can trust them. Baby life has shown me that when a person has shown you their actions believe that and not their lip service. I digress….this is not about that. I just want to talk about the different type of friendships you may encounter in life and some of the pitfalls that can come between the relationship if you let it.

The Childhood Friend:

This is your friend who has known you since before you could even think about adulting. The friend who can recall when you got your first bra, period, boyfriend and heartache. This is the friend who knows your secrets and will take them to the grave. She/He will have your back until the end and will never let anything come between your friendship….unless. The hard thing about this type of friendship is it hurts when they change on you and I’m not talking about the good kind of change. What destroys this relationship is when one of the parties begins to feel like you aren’t doing what they feel you should do.Quote about friendship

They stop being true themselves and you. They can’t accept the positive changes that are happening in your life because they want you to stay the exact same. If you get to this point make sure you try to rectify the situation and bring it to their attention. This friend will either hear you out and see your truth OR they will just continue to live the lie that they have created for themselves.

Friends Made In Crisis:

This is a friendship that’s starts through crisis. Through some kind of tragic life event and they support you through it. They offer amazing advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just a listening ear. These friendships create strong support systems. Now they hard part is can this friendship stand times of peace. This is usually when crisis friendships end. They can’t last unless something crucial is happening.

Co-worker Friends:

It is hard to make have friendships in the place where you work. often times you just want to go to work and go home. In the event where you do make friends with co-workers, it can make your work day go by with less stress and more support. No the downfall of this can be if that co-worker friend doesn’t know how to separate work from personal. It’s when they step outside the lines and bring up something extremely personal in front of other co-workers who don’t know personal details. This is when you have to set boundaries. Co-worker friends need to know everybody is not invited to the friendship party.

First Time Hit It Off Friends:

I honestly love these type of friends, they can be the BEST friends ever or your worst enemies (don’t judge me, I like a gamble). You meet a person at a gathering and you know immediately that ya’ll are just going to kick it forever in life. A month later you are on a girls trip like you’ve known each other for all of your life. The best thing about these type of friendships is that there’s no preconceived ideas about anything. Get to know that person for who they are and not what they used to be. Now this friendship can still be a little dicey. I mean sociopaths are charismatic when you first meet them. So you may have to slow things down to make sure they are who they say they are.

Friends by Association:

These aren’t really friends but they are friends of friends so they must be cool right. Ugghhh nope not at all. You have to be really careful, they could just be using someone else in the friend group. With this type of friendship I would keep my distance and get to know the person before you truly call them a real friend.

Well I hope this was informative. I can think of one person in each of these categories and how the friendship has impacted my life. I feel if you don’t have friends you need to evaluate your life and to see what is causing you to be so closed off. Friends are there to love you, support you, make bad decisions with and tell you about yourself. How can you grow as a person if you don’t have that in your life? Make sure you tune into the podcast next week. I think I am actually going to make it a viewer’s choice episode because I need something lighthearted and fun in my life.

#lessonslearned I Wanna Do Over

Have you ever wondered what if your life went different? The “What ifs” are sometimes what keeps us moving forward in life. I always wonder what would happen if things went a tad bit different. I get that my past has shaped who I am today, but I still some times have a few “What if” questions that stay in the back of my mind. There are things in my life that I am extremely proud of: 2 Master’s in Education, owned my home home before 30, an amazing family, great sister friends, etc. I just really wanna do over!!!

Do Over: No credit card at 18….

I promise I am so happy that universities have stopped credit card companies from preying on college students. Now my credit card usage was okay, but that was a lot of responsibility to hand to me at 18. I didn’t turn 18 until the first day of classes my freshman year in college. My parents taught me a little about credit: make sure to pay your bills on time and not missing payments. To hand a high rate card to an unsuspecting immature 18 year old is like giving a gun to a baby. It’s not fair.

Do Over: No serious relationships until 21….

Okay this one is a reach but hear me out. I was really not ready for the relationship I had in college. I was still trying to find myself. Doing that and trying to date was craziness. Most of the fights we had were mostly because we were fighting to let our true self to be heard. I remember when we broke up I was sad because I knew I was losing a friend but I was free. There was a freedom to discover

the things I liked and disliked. A freedom to express myself the way I wanted and not try to keep myself as 18/19 year old for the rest of my life. Check out my post The Solo Act, my journey in random situationships.

Do Over: I would have JUST did it

I held myself back from a lot of things because of others.There was an invitation to try out for the US bobsled team, but I let my relationship keep me in Missouri. I was invited to go on an

backpacking tour out of the country but I stayed. It was always a struggle between making sure everybody else was okay and my feelings. Instead of doing what I do now, NOW I just act and think more about how it will bring value to my life. At the end of the day that’s all that really matters, how I feel about my life and how it turns out is the only thing that matters in the end
This “What ifs” are the reason why I live my life the way I do now. No more regrets, no more welllll, I’m just living my life to the fullest. I’m sure people don’t like but IDGAFF…..I’m going to make sure what I do honors me and makes this world freaking amazing. Check out the podcast and go look at some of the new MERCH!!

#Lessonslearned This Depression is Hitting a Little Different

I am so happy mental health is becoming more of a priority,because depression is real. Honestly I feel like the black community can still do better with supporting going to therapy. There’s so much trauma we deal with on a daily basis. You are probably thinking to yourself “We all have our issues”. Let’s be clear, certain things hit a little differently when you have over 500+ years of trauma in your DNA. Oh but that’s not it my friends, let’s add to the daily stress of being pulled over by the police, living, walking and breathing without having the cops called on us, oh and on top of that the stress of just being a human, yeah if you don’t get it now then you won’t EVER get it. Depression is just too regular and unchecked.
With that being said, my depression and anxiety are on a complete over freaking load. I honestly have no clue what’s really going on. I’m working out at least 5 times a week. My husband is the greatest, honestly I couldn’t ask for anyone else. Things are okay overall, nothing that’s really out of the ordinary, besides trying to monetize this blog and the podcast. I just know for the past week or so I have had 2 panic attacks and I just don’t want to leave the house. I have missed two events so far why…..because I just couldn’t do it.
Instead of letting this ruin another week I am going to employ some techniques from my therapist:

Manage my time

For the next thirty days I am going to put myself on a better schedule so I can be more productive. I’m usually pretty good, but I notice I lose time just doing nothing. While I’m doing nothing, my brain is definitely free to think the dumbest, most self destructive thoughts it can possibly think. So tonight I am officially on a new schedule, what really helps is that I have some conferences and a professional development that I have to take care of for work. Now outside of work I plan to schedule the HELL (like literally) out of every day for the next 30 days. Yes you can expect a blog post almost everyday. Yes the podcast will continue as scheduled AND I am going to make sure the book is formatted and released at the end of those 30 days.

Social media monitoring

Look I stay on social media because I have to share relevant content, continue to keep my followers/subscribers informed and gain new followers. Truth is I find myself scrolling mindlessly more so than anything else. For the next 2 weeks I plan on monitoring my time on social media. I have to, I think it is also attributing to my non-productivity. Just going to make sure while managing my time, I am only going to go on social media 4 times a day. Also going to schedule it during the times my insights say I get the most traffic. I’m hoping to get my time spent on social media down to just that, to get out of this rut called depression. I guess I’m going to pull a Lebron and go #zerodark30

Wait IKYFL….not more pain

Upping my cardio will add to my pain lol workout pain that is. I guess my workouts aren’t helping me release enough endorphins, so I’m either going to chase it with the stair master or running. I hate cardio with a passion. If I could get away with eating steaks everyday and maxing out on every single lift I can, I definitely would. But I think adding cardio will add a little different mix with my workout and will help me hit a different type of high, which will help stabilize my mood.

Silencio por favor

This is the hardest one, 10 min of silence. WTH am I thinking? Oh yeah that’s right, I’m thinking about my mental health. I always have some thing in the background to stop my brain from thinking the crazy negative thoughts. Instead of that I am going to quite my mind to bring some focus back in my life.
You can still keep up with me by clicking my link (buy a t-shirt while you’re there). I’ll keep most things up to date and relevant. If you want to check on me just text, call or email. I do know this 30 day sabbatical is going to be filled with a lot of prayer, work and rest.

#lesssonslearned Why I Started A Podcast

My podcast video

 

Hey my loves!!! Long time no hear from. Honestly it’s my fault. I’ve been trying to get other things off the ground and I am totally excited. The first thing…I actually finished my book. That’s right, a whole entire book. Actually I’m going to get started on my second book and that makes me even more excited. Second thing make sure you are following my Instagram and Facebook account for the launch of the the MERCH website (lol). Yes, there are things that advertise the blog and podcast BUT there will also be #lessonslearned collection and and affirm yourself collection. So go like, follow, share, buy and take selfies, I promise I will repost you looking amazing in my stuff .

Updates

So if you haven’t noticed I started a podcast in January based on the blog. You can click here to catch up on episodes. But yeah that really happened and it happens biweekly on Wednesday nights. The episodes can be found on major listening platforms as well as YouTube for the live replay. Honestly I still don’t feel like I am totally in my groove but I’m extremely happy that I started.

 

Why did I start a podcast?

Ummm…..because I felt like I needed to step out from behind the keyboard and let my extra country voice be heard. I wanted to actually be the face of what I type because well I look like the majority of my audience. Being a semi-young, educated, middle class, AFRICAN AMERICAN women, who takes pride in wearing graphic t-shirts and glasses that are not needed. I am very expressive with my body when I talk and a cuss word may slip out if I’m not really being really careful about what I am saying (yes….judge ya mama, oh and this is a shirt, go buy it lol).

I love creating and I love sharing what I create. Even though before each episode I am extremely nervous, probably have a migraine and my eye is twitching, I absolutely live for the thrill of discussing how to build a better relationship with yourself and hearing my guests chime in. I try to keep things unmessy (is that even a word) but you know things happen and well you gotta talk about them.

It feels great to create. Some times being in your field it’s hard to veer into an uncharted area. As a teacher I don’t have much freedom to create because everything is geared toward your students and how they learn. In this realm I am free to do just about whatever I want. So to all my return readers/subscribers thank you for sticking with me. To my new readers just know I will always tell my truth no matter how hard it is for me to write or speak it. 

#lessonslearned: 5 ways I stay motivated

Look sis…..this month has been crazy. I am a TEACHER in May and let me tell you I am on edge. I’m not focused, I am just trying to get my students to finish out the school year  and ON TOP of I’m trying to get this business off the ground. I’m overwhelmed and under motivated. Here are some ways I make sure that I can stay motivated and continue to be productive.

1. I schedule my month

I have learned to schedule my months. Since I am now an entrepreneur and work full time, I have to have some way of staying afloat. Planning out my month helps me know what needs to be written, what needs to be posted, and what I need to do for my actual job. I can look at it as a guide and know if I’m falling behind. Currently….I’m falling behind.

2. I randomly ignore that schedule (lol)

Yep sometimes you have to step away from that beautifully organized schedule. Of course I know it’s full of motivational quotes, positive affirmations, little doodles of flowers and stars and hearts, but it can still get overwhelming. Which brings me to my next point…..

3. I look at the big picture of the project and attack the smaller tasks.

You have to step away when you get frustrated. Look at the end result of what you are trying to accomplish. Take a look at your checklist, see what small things you have done and can do. Attack those smaller things that don’t need a lot of thought. Creating graphics, writing a thank you email, etc….these are things that don’t usually take a lot of thought and can be completed to meet your end goal.

4. I step away when I get frustrated or stuck.

The project will be there but you need to get a refresher. There are those whose mind can be productive for a certain amount of time. It all depends on the person. But if you’re feeling frustrated, take a break. Step away, go workout, go eat….do something that has nothing to do with your project. Your brains has become overwhelmed and you need to remove yourself for a little bit.

Maybe, as my Nana used to say, you just need to take a nap. On episode 003 of my podcast we talked about the importance getting rest. When things get confusing just take a nap, it helps your body and mind restart. Who knows you may even get inspiration from a dream that will help you become more motivated.

5. I check in with someone about my progress

I love to have people I can confide in about things I am doing who are GENUINELY invested in what I am trying to do. When I run my ideas by them they will give good advice and that’s what I need them for…good advice.. They can tell me if I’m on the wrong track, if I’m about to knock it out of the park, or if I need to tweak something to fit my idea. There’s nothing wrong with using your support circle, that’s what they are therefore and they should keep you motivated.

This is how I keep going with everything else that is happening in life. Sure I may ignore one aspect fro a little too long but that is why I have a support system that helps me get right back into place. When it’s all said and done it’s still my responsibility to continue to stay motivated and move forward.

#LessonsLearned: I Want My 90s Television Back

Hey…Hello…Hi!!!

Welcome back to the red couch. Come on in and take a seat. Now we aren’t going to watch regular television. No, no, no….I hate that trash. I’m tired of seeing beautiful black women and men on television shows that encourage dissension, bitterness and utter chaos. Nope that ain’t me. I can’t tell you the last time I watched a Love and, Housewives, True… etc. All of it is garbage….like seriously I can only watch so much before I feel all that fake negative energy creep into my peace.

With that being said let me grab this wonderful Fire-stick remote so we can watch some 90s sitcoms. I’m not talking about Friends or The Nanny. Nope,

Sitting drinking my wine watching my 90s sitcoms
This is the way I watch my shows ❤

although it was great programming, they did not shape my wonderful preteen/teenage brain. I want to see television shows like A Different World and Living Single come back (and not just a reboot). I want shows that show brown men and women in a positive light. Shows that give us a better representation of what we can and should be.

Here are my reason’s as to why they need to come back:

You could see a person of color on television that wasn’t a criminal or just struggling to get by.

Of Course Tommy on Martin didn’t have a job, but you didn’t see him struggling. I loved Black 90s sitcoms for the simple fact that they showed people of color (P.O.C) thriving. They weren’t worried about living check to check or catching a case for doing something illegal. The characters in these shows were making their way. They were positive representatives of the community. They gave us younger generation a better norm to follow. We could now strive to be successful and not fall into the stereotypes that society was placing upon us.

We saw positive relationships between people of color the majority of the series.

From Whitley and Kim on A Different World to Khadijah and her girls on Living Single, we saw the characters supporting one another and offering sound loving advice. Even the men in these sitcoms showed true brotherly love. If you never watched an episode of Martin or Living Single, you are missing out on good quality brotherly love. Even through the goofiness and punch lines they showed that these characters genuinely cared for one another and wanted to see each succeed.

They supported being an entrepreneur, going to college, and even having a trade.

From Maxine Shaw attorney at law to Kimberly Reese the budding medical student, we saw a spectrum of what we could do to be successful.

It didn’t always have to be the traditional route, Khadijah James (Living Single) started her own magazine after graduating and doing odd jobs to raise capital for her investment. Overton Wakfield Jones (Living Single) graduated from trade school and became an independent contractor (handyman), Martin (Martin) became a talk show host after starting out his career as a radio DJ.

These characters helped us see there was more to being successful than just going to college. They helped us understand that no matter what you do, hustle, put in hard work, and things will happen for you. You can tell because most of us 80s/90s (early 90s like 90-93 lol) have been pushing through trying to make something of ourselves in this Orange fool’s ‘Merica. We are apart of the “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop” generation who believe in getting things done by any means necessary (well most of us).

They presented social and political issues on television

My goodness, the first time I heard about rape or date rape was on an episode of A Different World (season 2 episode 20). I saw innocent naive Freddie go out with Garth and he ignored her NO. It put me on alert. It helped me to understand my words should be respected whether I am on a date or at someone’s house. My NO will always mean NO and that was the final story. They also covered apartheid, AIDS awareness and combating the stereotypes that are held against black men and women.

Honestly, I don’t want a reboot of any of these shows. They fulfilled their purpose during their time. I just want to have more shows that focus on the Black issues in this day and age. Shout out to the writers of Insecure, Black-Ish. Boomerang, Grown-ish and Dear White People as well as various others who are trying to bring that vibe back to the mainstream.

Don’t forget to sign-up here to join the email list. You can keep up with new blog postings and podcasts.

#lessonslearned: I’m Tired….

Hey yall!! Hope this first full week of May is treating you well. For me….I’m tired. I’m at a point where I want to dig a hole and just go sit in it. At some point people will stop asking me things or expecting me to do things and handle situations that I didn’t create. I honestly have cut down a bunch of obligations (including that big pile of laundry in my living room) because I know for a fact that my anxiety just can’t handle it. Self care is so much of a priority right now for the simple fact of my survival. But here are some things that are giving me joy.

1. The Podcast

I’m having fun developing the podcast. I have enjoyed creating content and presenting it. I’m having trouble marketing and getting it to my audience like I want to. I know I just started, but I gotta keep pushing for the 2, 200, or 2000 that are listening. Yet I’m STILL tired

Looking tired
My sister friend Sunshine and I on the latetest episode

Click here if you want to check it out

2. The BlogConfessions from a red couch podcast logo tired

I love writing, promise I do. I have been giving my readers a clear view of my thoughts for almost 4 years now. Y’all have been with me through heartbreak and triumphs. You’ve been an audience to my innermost thoughts and frustrations.

Writing this has been one the few things in life that has consistently giving me joy. It has helped me chronicle my journey up to this point. Am I going to continue? You damn right I am. Why wouldn’t I? Things get hard, bulls**t is bulls**t, but, this no matter what happens with it, will continue to be my favorite outlet. But guess what I am….TIRED

Check out some of my old post here. I hope you find some thing worth your time.

3. My Friends

My friends are freaking amazing. They support and cheer me on. I think they forget I don’t absolutely fit into one category. Yes, I love to be the friend that twerks and gets the party started. I might just be that petty friend that can make an observation that has everybody cracking up. As of recently I haven’t been that friend, and it’s heartbreaking that I can’t muster enough energy to do it. You have to always check on your friends that are always smiling and joking. Most of the times we are drowning……and just plain old TIRED

Other than that yall…..I’m mf tied. Marriage is hard work, life is hard work, managing my personal self care has been trash. I fight daily just to carve out time for myself. Most days it doesn’t happen because I’m fighting some outside bs that honestly has nothing to do with me. I just want to see that person I was about 3 years ago…..she was happy.

Marriage

#lessonslearned: Top 5 Newlywed Mistakes in Marriage


Marriage

 

Look I’m new to this thang but I peep game. As much as I never thought I would be happily married….here I am being happy AND married. These are the top five things that are actually helping me steer away from certain marriage pitfalls. Also check out me and my husband on the 7th episode of the podcast Confessions From A Red Couch, make sure you subscribe and like the video

Trying to hold onto complete independence

Biggest lesson I’m still learning is that it’s not him taking care of me or me taking care of him. We are taking care of each, the weight is not solely on one individual. I have to fight daily to understand this concept, because I’m accustomed to taking care of everything by myself for myself. Now I constantly have to shift my thinking from ME to WE. There’s no more just put your head down and power through it.  Now we have to talk about certain decisions….which leads to the next mistake.

Communication is key AND Comprehension is crucial

It’s one thing to hear someone and another thing to listen. In a new marriage it is important that you listen to each other. Listen to you spouse’s words, emotions, message. Don’t just hear to respond. Don’t hear and interject your feelings. What they are saying has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It may not make you feel great hearing it and you may not even agree with it, but you have to listen. Effective communication and comprehension is key to keeping a marriage healthy and thriving.

Agree to disagree…..

You were two different people who lead two different lives before you got married. I know people sell you this idea that you *wILl FiNIsh eACh OthErS sEnTEnCeS* and be simpatico (excuse me while I gag). Y’all that’s all apart of a fairy-tale that DOES NOT EXIST. Stop putting that pressure on each other. You will not agree on everything and that’s okay. What’s not okay is to keep an argument going because you can’t let it go. Remember you married that person because you loved them for who they are, not because y’all agreed on everything. Let things go and come to a compromise so you can move forward in a loving life together.

Marriage is serious but I’m going to need you to laugh

Who ever told them marriage isn’t fun lied to you. My Nunny Bear and I literally crack each other up on a daily. Why? If I can’t laugh at the person I’m going to be with forever then what’s the freaking point? Like seriously, I would hate to be in a marriage when all we do is argue and frown at each other all day. I’d rather be single and happy then deal with that bullspit. Yes there will be times where you have to handle serious situations (health scares, finances, death, job loss, etc) but they should never steal the joy you have on your bond.

Sex is for more than procreation…..I DON’T CARE!!!

SEX IS IMPORTANT AND FUN!!!

I have no clue why people are lying about this.  And the men and women who are living this lie and using the bible…..didn’t read the whole book. They stopped too early, and I’m talking about Genesis early. Who hurt you so much that you don’t sex feels good…..NEW FLASH: IT’S SUPPOSED TO!! It’s how partners connect. Yes you can do it without physical touch, but it’s supposed to lead to that.

I’m not an expert by any means but I will say I had a lot of great examples in life. But also remember, I am the woman who never thought she would have had this amazing life changing experience. I’m not perfect and he isn’t either but we both fight to make this work in a positive way for as long as we both should live.

#Lessonlearned: Improving dating In the 21st Century

I know….I know! You’re thinking “Girl aren’t you married” and “This has nothing to do with improving any type of relationships”. But, let’s think about the purpose of dating apps, they are supposed to deliver potential partners to singles in their area What you really get is a modge podge of foolishness. If dating apps did what they advertise then we would have more successful relationships. Instead you get a site that allows con artists, criminals, creeps, perverts and the like to prey on those who are just looking for suitable companions. Yes….why yes, I have had my fair share of foolishness on dating app (check out the post When did the Roles Reverse).This is my way of telling dating apps and sites that they need to do better!

Automatic background checks

This headline alone says it all: Dating App Killer . He used a popular dating site to lure unsuspecting women in, and well you can read about the rest. The issue is he had a past of violence against women. I feel that in order to cut down on issues like this there should be a link to a county’s arrests records. Sounds Big Brother-ish, but this will cut down on the amount of criminal activity that can happen when using dating apps. And it’s already avaliable for free!

Marital status check

Read these words as I type: STAY OFF DATING APPS IF YOU ARE MARRIED!!!! Aht aht!! Stop dating while married. You’re ruining it for the rest of the single folks and giving them trust issues. If you want to cheat they have an app for that, use that one. Stop it!! Dating apps can link county records to find marriage and divorce decrees. I am just now figuring this out, and it could have saved me a lot of frustration when I was in the dating game.

Employment/ entrepreneurial status

I understand employment status should not mean you can’t date. If you don’t have to work, that’s one thing. If all you have to offer is penis or vagina, then you should really just focus on yourself. There should be a way to check this. If there is a way to check someone’s living situation you can definitely check who they say they are employed with, or even if they have a valid DBA.

5 latest post on social media

In this day and age social media is a great indicator of someone’s personality. Yes, I know you are thinking people aren’t their true selves on social media, but it does give you a glimpse into the way their mind works. Seeing a person’s social media can help you see a persons interests or if they are just posers (fake woke, extreme right, sexist, etc).

Rating system after each date

I don’t know how fair this would be, nor do I care. I think you should be able to rate the person honestly after the first encounter. Of course, it would be based on certain criteria, and then there should be an overall experience rating. If you’ve watched the show Four Weddings then you know what I’m talking about. The people with the lowest ratings get kicked off the app. I don’t care some people just shouldn’t date.
You have to do a little searching on your own. Be diligent about who you date and what you’re getting yourself into.
Resource Link: Harris County Records