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When Did the Roles Switch

Beautiful world……I’m coming off the roller-coaster ride of my last post to bring you this lol what happened to real dating? What happened to people being cordial to one another without some under lying motive.

Case in point I had the great opportunity to have a brief text conversation with a gentleman (using this term very loosely). For some reason a he was under the strange impression that I should have asked him out on a date. Now I’m all for women’s rights (I dare not say I’m the “F” but …I am), but if someone expresses that they have an interest in you shouldn’t they be the one to set up the date? Please by all means answer…..I’ll wait…… (okay getting bored and tired of waiting)….well my answer is yes. In my world if you like me you will pursue, and yes it’s because I’m a treasure and you need to know my worth. Truthfully on a first date I’m looking to see if the man will step up and take control and I will by all means pay my share.

Well this fine gentleman thought that since I am an independent, successfully employed, childless single woman it was my job to take care of him. He even offered to have me drop all contact with other men because of his interest but not take me out on a date. Doesn’t this sound foolish? At what point did it become the woman’s job to take charge in a relationship? Not even that, when did the roles reverse? While you’re thinking of the answer I’ll just leave you with his response when I told him I didn’t think I was the woman for him. Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong but….this time I don’t think so……….

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Was feeling this mask 🙂


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You Thief……..

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Here’s my new confession: I am worried about my intellectual property being stolen. I love this blog and the fact that I am able to be open and speak my mind, however……..I have found that somebody has stolen my voice…… my whole writers identity. Now let me say this so I can stay right with God and myself: I’m glad you thought my work was great. I appreciate that you saw the value in it. Please remember you reap what you sow. I can always continue to put out my material because it comes from my personality. You on the other hand have none. I’m angry and disappointed but I hope you get everything you have been “working hard for”. To my loyal readers I’m sorry you had to see me go in but I have had enough of low down, sneaky people using my kindness and loyalty as a weakness.

So if you think this is about you, it is! Just know I see you…… and you showed your hand. Well played

I dont want to sound negative but…..

I try to be as transparent as possible. Not because I like to tell my business (please believe I do not like being this open) but because I would hope my random confessions and ramblings will help someone else get through whatever they are going through. With that being said…. I hate dating. Okay hate is a harsh word. I’m just not into it right now. I’m at a point in my life where I’m happy with the people who are in my circle at this moment.

Okay…. here we go……I don’t like wasting a really good outfit. Ladies you know you have that “one” outfit that you know would be perfect to wear on a date. You put it on, you look fabulous, you show up and…….whomp whomp waste of an outfit. To waste an outfit for me is death because I’m a “t-shirt and jeans” girl and could do without dressing up at times,  but I am a shoe girl. So to waste a great outfit AND a great pair of shoes *gasp* BLASPHEMY!!! I could have saved it for an outing with my girls who will gladly appreciate a great pair of polka dot, peep toe, around the ankle, stacked platforms (I haven’t worn those in a while actually………).

Next wasting a good place/event. Omg one time at band camp (ok let me get serious)…..I was invited to this benefit party for breast cancer. The theme was all black or white with a touch of pink. So i took a date….. bad choice. I was having fun but the look on his face…. man killed my whole mood. We only stayed for about 20 min. Waste of a fun event smh and they had a crazy sick DJ too 🙁

Wasting my time! I’m guarded about my time. Like seriously I cherish every minute that I get. So when my time is wasted….. yeah I get in a very unpleasant mood. Like sitting in silence for minutes….. waste of my time. Not being engaged on the date (he’s talking too much or I’m just talking for the sake of not dying of boredom) waste of my time. I could be loading my dishwasher, folding my mountain of clothes that I’ve been feverishly washing, or hell who knows something other than being at the epicenter of bad date!!! Don’t waste my time and energy if your just going to sit there on your phone, talking to everyone else that’s around us,  or just staring off into the distance. …. dude you could at least tell me about your day dream or just let me go home if you’re bored.

Well hopefully I get out of this rut after my mancation ends. It would be great to go on a date to something fabulous, like a charity gala or a great festival, can’t get too bored at those lol (yes wishful thinking I know)…. right?

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 *my new way to relieve stress*

Another Mancation

Well let’s do this again…..I did it in 2012 and now it’s time for another one. I need to get my focus back without any distractions. I have a lot of things I need to accomplish in the next three years. The last time I did this I ended up in a relationship at the end. Not this one….the goal is to make sure I gain a new sense of self. I’m starting now and plan on ending in December (family cruise!!!)

Here are the rules:

1. No serious dates.

2. I will not give any of my contact information to anyone new.

3. Those who I have erased and they feel the need to contact me will not be getting a response.

4. Anytime I think about going against the mancation rules I have to do 20 pushups.

5. Those who are able to contact me will be on a 10 minute limit. If they can’t get it out in 10 minutes then the conversation is meaningless.

I hereby promise to stick to these rules, if not I plan on having some very fabulous arms by December and in time for our family cruise.

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TAAAADAAAAA…….

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Tada!!!! Why have we stopped saying that when we do something awesome? Like when a three year old does it with simple things we give them the biggest round of applause (I mean seriously kid everyone takes a poop in the potty, you’re not special). We have celebrated so much marginal behavior (yeah I said ya kid ain’t special) that we overlook the amazing things we accomplished in our adult lives.

Every time you pay your house note you should run to your driveway and yell “TADA!!!!” as loud as possible.  When you get your kids dressed, fed, dropped off to school on time and you make it to work on time, you should get out of your car and yell “TADAAAAA!!!” in the parking lot of your job. Yeah this might freak the people around you out but you’ll have the biggest smile on your face and your day will probably go a whole lot better.

Well…..I’m doing mine right now…..TAAAADAAAA!!! Yessssssssss lol for my 33rd birthday I was able to drop all my “stress/life” weight that I gained over what I call “the 3 years from hell”. You name it, it happend. The culmination was the blood clot and a stay in the hospital.  I lost my mind and myself for a minute but this summer I got it back. So I owe myself a freaking TADA and I feel great about it lol. The picture in the orange was never posted by me….actually I never posted any pictures from that birthday and you see why.

So with that being said, make sure you find and give yourself a TADA moment every now and then. Celebrate your amazing moments even if no one else will. Find some thing even if it’s a simple every day thing to make you celebrate because the fact that you are here, alive and kicking is reason enough to jump up and give God some glory 🙂

Ladies and Gentleman…..Nikki Giovanni

So why didn’t I know about this fabulous poet until recent? Omg!!! Fell in love after reading one poem. I have life lol

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Afreakingmazing!! This one poem spoke more to my soul than any”selfhelpgetoverdramatolivearegularlife” book could ever give me. So i bought her book of love poems and I’ll read a poem a night to keep the idea of love in a positive light and chase away the doubt.

Good night loves 🙂

I really don’t want to write until……

I really don’t want to write until I get over this break up. I don’t want this to be a whole “moment” or a “significant point” in my life. I don’t want to give it the energy it’s trying to take out of me, especially since it’s my birthday week. But maybe if I write about the things I miss about being in a relationship it will help me move the hell on with life:

  1. I miss having someone other than my family or best friend’s to share my significant events with. Maybe it’s the fact that someone else out there cares enough about me, that makes me feel connected with the world. Birthdays, first day with faculty, the new shoes I just bought lol you know the real important stuff.
  2. I miss caring about someone so deeply. Yes I know I have my friends and family. Please believe I will go to war for them, but I’m supposed to. But to have someone whose not related or bound to you by your mutual love for shoes and MMXXL (figure it out, it’s a movie, and I’m trying to stop others from judging), that’s something different. To allow someone to let your guard down (especially mine, I’m freaking guarded like Fort Knox) to the point that you put them in the category of your shoe loving, print watching, socially awkward friends is a serious act of……. hell an act of Congress lol.
  3. I miss having someone have my back. Like this world is so crazy, you never know what or who people ate these days. It’s nice to wake up and know someone in this big old world has your back and supports you. Also someone who will check you when you need it. Yes my family does it but it’s always good to get an outsiders point of view.

Ok I feel a little better. I don’t understand why things happen and end but they do. I read that you have to let go of something to pave the way for better. So i promised myself I wouldn’t focus on the negative look at the positive and continue to push forward. I mean what’s the worst that can happen? I stay single, travel the world, and become a philanthropist? Or I could find the love of my life, get married, have two mini people and be happy?  Either way sounds good to me 🙂

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*I’m in my new classroom*

Can I run away……

Can’t breathe…..shoulders tense….can’t sleep at night. I want to run away….

Away from the headaches and stress. Away from the pain and torment. I want to run away as fast as possible.

That’s not going to happen. I start a new job, new requirements, new team, new chance to start over, but all I can think about is running away. I should be happy, excited, thrilled, but instead I’m having migraines and bs panic attacks.  What is wrong with me? my_panic_attacks____by_criminal_defect-d32kl9v

F.O.E…..

F.O.E= family over everything! Man when I tell yall this is my family….. if I had any questions in my mind if this was true, this trip proved it. My family will go to war together and for each other. To say they have my back would be an understatement, they’ve got my front, back, head to toe and side to side. They tell me when I’m wrong, when I’m right, when I’m acting crazy, and when I need to shake it off. This trip came at the right time. Yes, I went through a break up (I’m getting over it please believe) but I’ve been letting it eat me up inside. So much so I lost myself. Lost my smile, my disruptive personality, my joy….blah, blah, blah. To my family I bring the “sunshine” lol I am literally the party animal of the family. It’s okay I accept my role, that’s who I am in life. The disrupter, the person who hates a quiet room full of people, the one always making noise, making people smile and giving my daddy a reason to say “girl it’s something wrong with you” and chuckle.

Oh but this trip…..I am ashamed to say I brought a person who I have never seen in my life. This person was grade A, top quality, Queen Biayotch of the east. She had a broom stick, an ugly sneer, and a tongue that could cut like a sword. The only time I was a glimmer of myself was at the beach on Key West, but at dinner I was back to being Queen Biayotch of the west (changed directions lol). My family brought me back to myself. My fabulous little sister told on me (yep she told her 20 year old self told on my 32 year old grown behind) after a blow up (yes for those who know me I blew the freak up, crazy right?). My mama and daddy helped me straighten up, and everyone else just loved me through the process. They didn’t tell me I didn’t have a right to be angry, but they did let me know I couldn’t let it turn me into someone I’m not.

See, that’s what I’m talking about. To me family doesn’t let you continue throwing temper tantrums. They don’t let you become a shadow of yourself. No matter what’s going on, who hurt you, who died, who left, sickness, health, it doesn’t matter, they bring you back to your natural essence. Why? Because they know and love the real you, not the masks we put on to fool people. If you don’t have a family like this, don’t worry you can join mine (like for real we love everybody). They are my support, my thermometer, my reality check! F.O.E definitely equals family over anything.

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*It’s more than this, but they went on the trip with me*

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