God Ain’t Through With Me Yet But…….

 

Hey Loves! It’s November and I have actively decided to sit this year’s cuffing season out. Just too much I need to accomplish by the end of next and truthfully I don’t want any distractions. As much as I miss a constant companion, snuggling when it gets cool at night, getting my booty rubbed until I fall asleep (yep I said it…..don’t judge me) and a whole slew of other things you do when your cuffed…. I just can’t at the moment. God ain’t through with me yet.

There’s still things that I need to get right before I can even enter into another relationship. And yeah people think I’m great and my character is amazing but there are great qualities of my character that I am just now mastering. I have a big heart….I give too much. I am learning to master that. I am very empathetic to others situations so much so that I will allow it to affect my mental being. I have to work on that. My love runs deep, so deep that at times it makes me uncomfortable. I have to work on that. Each of these qualities have been abused by myself or someone else. But as I said before God ain’t through with me, I’m working on it. I am learning how not to let people take advantage of me and in the process make sure that I don’t become hard-hearted and bitter.

Here’s an example…..
DISCLAIMER: Yes this actually happened to me and no I’m not throwing them under the bus. Just my experience…….

The other night I received a dm (I swear I’m unplugging from social media in January) from someone I blocked due to me allowing them to abuse my kind soft heart (notice I have taken full responsibility…..you see how I did that). Now my soft heart allowed me to call that person, while blocking my number (*67 still works), just because I was hoping they had changed for the better, but I got the exact opposite……it was a phone call of manipulation. Another phone call to talk sweet and work their way in, and my response……….nothing. I wasn’t moved. My emotions weren’t touched. I felt no resentment, no hate, no bitterness, no nothing. I responded to his situation without belittling him and hung the phone up. I received a nasty text message after the phone call and still I had no response. I once again hit the block button and decided to move forward with life.

All this to say I’m living and growing. I refuse to stumble into another relationship blindly just because I don’t want to be lonely. I have to make sure I change, grow and become secure in myself before I can join into a partnership. God ain’t through with me yet…..

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Yeah I can get spiffy when I want to……

Let the Fun Times Begin…….

It’s official I am ending the mancation. I have come to the conclusion that I will not put myself on the shelf. I am way too great of a person to exclud myself from life because someone hurt me (yeah,  it hurt a lot). What I’ve learned during my mancation process is that not every man is the same. There are two extremes: confident Alpha men (no I’m not talking about the frat, although the majority of yall….YESSSSSSS!!!)  and narcissistic beta males.

An Alpha male is one who is confident and whole within himself. He doesn’t fight for attention or praise from others. He has an inner sense of self that cannot be shaken by anyone else. Cocky, he is not but he does walk with a sense of purpose. He has all his ducks in a row. No illegitimate children running around, he takes care of his family, and makes no excuses when he misses the mark. Most men want to be him and woman want to marry him. His life is full with or without a mate. Sounds great right ladies? We all want this man, our dream. …but unfortunately this is not the man we attract.

I had to be truthful with myself about which of these men I found myself more attracted to…..unfortunately it was the beta male. They can talk a good game but when it comes to true genuine actions they can’t back it up. No matter what a female brings to the table, they can NEVER make the beta male feel secure. Why you may ask? The beta male has to figure out what he needs by himself, which is hard because he continues to search for his wholeness in others. Which in turns leaves the beta male with a trail of broken promises and hearts.

So where does this leave me? Truthfully it has made me take a look within myself. I had to understand why I felt the need to settle. I really felt my faults where too big to deserve anyone who was my equal. Yes I know I’m smart and gorgeous, single, no kids and very independent, but I don’t like to cook (even though I can), I hate folding laundry (that ever growing b***h of a mountain), and I work long hours. I felt I deserved punishment for all of this, like somehow these things didn’t make me good enough. So I settled…..but not now. Now I’m taking the bull by the horns and letting the world know I am good enough.

So now that I’m back on the dating scene I know what I want. I refuse to slip into a situationship because of what I feel I deserve. I will not accept lip service or make excuses for others. I’m too old and too knowledgeable to let that happen again. So here’s to a happy life and cheers to many incredible dates to come.Snapchat-4347591048817667302.jpg

 

Baby Fever……..give me the cure (Oh and Shouts out to my SIngle Moms)

After seeing all these cute little kids and babies on my timeline and pictures on instagram, I can officially say I have caught baby fever. I want a cute, chubby faced version of me and someone else that I can love and nurture and spoil until they become too independent and break my heart lol….but seriously my biological clock is ticking so loud I get distracted from everyday tasks thinking about what it would be like to have a child. It has caused me to reevaluate some of my life choices and reasons I have for not having any at this moment……

The first and obvious issue……..I’m not married.  My number one issue, I truly believe in first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. No jabs at the women who are holding it down being a single mother. I understand that life, my mother was actually a single teenaged parent. I just don’t think I’m about that life, I need partnership if I’m going to have a baby, and I’m not talking about co-parenting or any of that new stuff. I need commitment!! Having a child is a huge responsibility, one that should be shared. Plus I really need someone to balance out my weirdness, because I can get a little strange if left to my own vices. I really have to make sure that I have somebody around 24/7 as a good sounding board.

My lifestyle is not conducive to having kids. Once again hats off to the single working moms. I have no idea how you guys do it, seriously (ginseng, ginkgo biloba, an IV of caffeine????) I am an educator and a head coach, half the time I have to set my alarm on my cell phone to make sure I eat, does that really sound healthy for a child. I’m serious, I forget things even when they are written down, put in my cell phone as a reminder, tattooed on my wrist (just joking no wrist tattoos lol) . I couldn’t imagine having to take care of another human being (the thought of the extra laundry alone is making me cringe…..actually the thought of my mountain of laundry….I digress). I truthfully can’t do it on my own, to manage my schedule, sometimes I’m gone for days…..let me put it this way I’m surprised my two plants are still alive.

I’m not quite ready for my body to change. I just don’t know if I can go through with it. I’m already top heavy…..and they grow through pregnancy….. OMG!!!! That will be ri-dunk-ulous!!! I would seriously have to be married so I could get back rubs every night and someone to hold them up when the bra cubes out… (I’m dead serious)

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To be or not to be a Southern Belle……

My grandmother was a true southern belle. When she became “of age” she turned in her play shoes, patched up pants and hoop dreams (she was a beast at half court lol) to become the epitome of a true southern woman. No she was never stuck up, she just oozed the essence of a well mannered (in public), well spoken, connoisseur of  etiquette and beauty. She taught me how to properly set a dinner table, which forks to use at a formal dinner,how to cook gumbo (still haven’t tried her recipe), proper undergarments (I’m still rejecting the girdle), financial advice, dating advice, and how to successfully host a party, get together, soiree, or gala. She was a great wealth of knowledge.

Now there’s me……I can look the part but when it comes to acting the part……that’s another story. I know what a good southern woman should be and do but it just takes too much energy (yes I aware that’s sounds really lazy), but my life is so much different than what my grandmother experienced.

1. Southern belles speak eloquently in any situation. They think before speaking, enunciate every word, address other’s as “sir” or “ma’am”, and are respectful in conversations and wait their turn to speak.

Ha I wish this were me in every situation but I have a tendency to do things a little different. I mumble and ramble sometimes with no clear thought process. If I use sir or ma’am chances are I’m being extra sarcastic and not respectful. Matter of fact I think my blood has extra “sarcastic cells” that run through it, sometimes I can’t even tell the difference.

2. Southern Belles have the most impeccable appearance in public and in private. Every hair is curled, make up is always on, finest of clothing or housecoat, and always abiding fashion rules .

Yeah okay my dress up days are Sundays and that’s not an all the time occurrence (we have polo shirts we were for different Sundays, THANK YOU JESUS). When I go to work I try to at least dress business casual 2 out of the 5 days of the week, what can I say….I’m a teacher and a head coach. We are in season…..what’s easier in the morning suit or sweats…..um yeah if you say suit you’re lying to yourself or I’m just jealous that you make better fashion decisions than I do (po po to you :-P)

3. Southern belles are known to be charming, slightly helpless and extremely polite. Graceful movement and elegance must be worked and anger must never be shown in a public setting.

HAHAHAHHAHA I just laughed when I thought about how I almost tripped today at church but no one caught it but me lol. Graceful would not be a word that I would use to describe any of my movements. On a daily basis I trip, bump into, yank, pull , forcefully exert my will onto others…..does any of that sound graceful to you? Oh and the whole damsel in distress….yeah never going to happen. At one point in my life I could bench press 225 lbs 5x, really helpless, I think never.

4.Southern belles are known for throwing memorable, elegant soirees. True belles are light, sweet and sociable without being overbearing when out for the evening. A certain amount of mystery must be maintained by a belle, even with her most intimate of friends. Cooking for others is often seen as a characteristic of a bonafide belle.

So this whole mystery thing….ummm does it count when you tell the server  “Surprise me!!!” when making a beverage? No, well mysterious I am not. Lol I don’t know how to whisper, when I get excited I get microphone voice (you know you start getting louder and louder without even knowing it), and that whole sweet thing yeah not happening lol. I have truly tried but Lord knows when I get out and have fun especially with my girls, I just become more than the life of the party (does that mean I get annoying??…ehhhh). And having anything at my house means that all my laundry is folded, floors are vacuumed and I have been home during the week to do (which means it aint going to happen)

No I’m sure I my life where a little less complicated, I worked less hours, my job thought I was human and not a computer, etc, I could lead the life of true Southern Belle, but until then I can play dress up and pretend. But my true nature will always dominate. I am who I am, a successful, thirty something educator, who hates doing laundry, hopes to at least put on mascara in the morning, and for dang sure will never be a damsel in distress!

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Read more : http://www.ehow.com/info_8122642_southern-belle-characteristics.html