Hey Loves! It’s November and I have actively decided to sit this year’s cuffing season out. Just too much I need to accomplish by the end of next and truthfully I don’t want any distractions. As much as I miss a constant companion, snuggling when it gets cool at night, getting my booty rubbed until I fall asleep (yep I said it…..don’t judge me) and a whole slew of other things you do when your cuffed…. I just can’t at the moment. God ain’t through with me yet.
There’s still things that I need to get right before I can even enter into another relationship. And yeah people think I’m great and my character is amazing but there are great qualities of my character that I am just now mastering. I have a big heart….I give too much. I am learning to master that. I am very empathetic to others situations so much so that I will allow it to affect my mental being. I have to work on that. My love runs deep, so deep that at times it makes me uncomfortable. I have to work on that. Each of these qualities have been abused by myself or someone else. But as I said before God ain’t through with me, I’m working on it. I am learning how not to let people take advantage of me and in the process make sure that I don’t become hard-hearted and bitter.
Here’s an example…..
DISCLAIMER: Yes this actually happened to me and no I’m not throwing them under the bus. Just my experience…….
The other night I received a dm (I swear I’m unplugging from social media in January) from someone I blocked due to me allowing them to abuse my kind soft heart (notice I have taken full responsibility…..you see how I did that). Now my soft heart allowed me to call that person, while blocking my number (*67 still works), just because I was hoping they had changed for the better, but I got the exact opposite……it was a phone call of manipulation. Another phone call to talk sweet and work their way in, and my response……….nothing. I wasn’t moved. My emotions weren’t touched. I felt no resentment, no hate, no bitterness, no nothing. I responded to his situation without belittling him and hung the phone up. I received a nasty text message after the phone call and still I had no response. I once again hit the block button and decided to move forward with life.
All this to say I’m living and growing. I refuse to stumble into another relationship blindly just because I don’t want to be lonely. I have to make sure I change, grow and become secure in myself before I can join into a partnership. God ain’t through with me yet…..
It’s official I am ending the mancation. I have come to the conclusion that I will not put myself on the shelf. I am way too great of a person to exclud myself from life because someone hurt me (yeah, it hurt a lot). What I’ve learned during my mancation process is that not every man is the same. There are two extremes: confident Alpha men (no I’m not talking about the frat, although the majority of yall….YESSSSSSS!!!) and narcissistic beta males.
An Alpha male is one who is confident and whole within himself. He doesn’t fight for attention or praise from others. He has an inner sense of self that cannot be shaken by anyone else. Cocky, he is not but he does walk with a sense of purpose. He has all his ducks in a row. No illegitimate children running around, he takes care of his family, and makes no excuses when he misses the mark. Most men want to be him and woman want to marry him. His life is full with or without a mate. Sounds great right ladies? We all want this man, our dream. …but unfortunately this is not the man we attract.
I had to be truthful with myself about which of these men I found myself more attracted to…..unfortunately it was the beta male. They can talk a good game but when it comes to true genuine actions they can’t back it up. No matter what a female brings to the table, they can NEVER make the beta male feel secure. Why you may ask? The beta male has to figure out what he needs by himself, which is hard because he continues to search for his wholeness in others. Which in turns leaves the beta male with a trail of broken promises and hearts.
So where does this leave me? Truthfully it has made me take a look within myself. I had to understand why I felt the need to settle. I really felt my faults where too big to deserve anyone who was my equal. Yes I know I’m smart and gorgeous, single, no kids and very independent, but I don’t like to cook (even though I can), I hate folding laundry (that ever growing b***h of a mountain), and I work long hours. I felt I deserved punishment for all of this, like somehow these things didn’t make me good enough. So I settled…..but not now. Now I’m taking the bull by the horns and letting the world know I am good enough.
So now that I’m back on the dating scene I know what I want. I refuse to slip into a situationship because of what I feel I deserve. I will not accept lip service or make excuses for others. I’m too old and too knowledgeable to let that happen again. So here’s to a happy life and cheers to many incredible dates to come.