To be or not to be a Southern Belle……

My grandmother was a true southern belle. When she became “of age” she turned in her play shoes, patched up pants and hoop dreams (she was a beast at half court lol) to become the epitome of a true southern woman. No she was never stuck up, she just oozed the essence of a well mannered (in public), well spoken, connoisseur of  etiquette and beauty. She taught me how to properly set a dinner table, which forks to use at a formal dinner,how to cook gumbo (still haven’t tried her recipe), proper undergarments (I’m still rejecting the girdle), financial advice, dating advice, and how to successfully host a party, get together, soiree, or gala. She was a great wealth of knowledge.

Now there’s me……I can look the part but when it comes to acting the part……that’s another story. I know what a good southern woman should be and do but it just takes too much energy (yes I aware that’s sounds really lazy), but my life is so much different than what my grandmother experienced.

1. Southern belles speak eloquently in any situation. They think before speaking, enunciate every word, address other’s as “sir” or “ma’am”, and are respectful in conversations and wait their turn to speak.

Ha I wish this were me in every situation but I have a tendency to do things a little different. I mumble and ramble sometimes with no clear thought process. If I use sir or ma’am chances are I’m being extra sarcastic and not respectful. Matter of fact I think my blood has extra “sarcastic cells” that run through it, sometimes I can’t even tell the difference.

2. Southern Belles have the most impeccable appearance in public and in private. Every hair is curled, make up is always on, finest of clothing or housecoat, and always abiding fashion rules .

Yeah okay my dress up days are Sundays and that’s not an all the time occurrence (we have polo shirts we were for different Sundays, THANK YOU JESUS). When I go to work I try to at least dress business casual 2 out of the 5 days of the week, what can I say….I’m a teacher and a head coach. We are in season…..what’s easier in the morning suit or sweats…..um yeah if you say suit you’re lying to yourself or I’m just jealous that you make better fashion decisions than I do (po po to you :-P)

3. Southern belles are known to be charming, slightly helpless and extremely polite. Graceful movement and elegance must be worked and anger must never be shown in a public setting.

HAHAHAHHAHA I just laughed when I thought about how I almost tripped today at church but no one caught it but me lol. Graceful would not be a word that I would use to describe any of my movements. On a daily basis I trip, bump into, yank, pull , forcefully exert my will onto others…..does any of that sound graceful to you? Oh and the whole damsel in distress….yeah never going to happen. At one point in my life I could bench press 225 lbs 5x, really helpless, I think never.

4.Southern belles are known for throwing memorable, elegant soirees. True belles are light, sweet and sociable without being overbearing when out for the evening. A certain amount of mystery must be maintained by a belle, even with her most intimate of friends. Cooking for others is often seen as a characteristic of a bonafide belle.

So this whole mystery thing….ummm does it count when you tell the server  “Surprise me!!!” when making a beverage? No, well mysterious I am not. Lol I don’t know how to whisper, when I get excited I get microphone voice (you know you start getting louder and louder without even knowing it), and that whole sweet thing yeah not happening lol. I have truly tried but Lord knows when I get out and have fun especially with my girls, I just become more than the life of the party (does that mean I get annoying??…ehhhh). And having anything at my house means that all my laundry is folded, floors are vacuumed and I have been home during the week to do (which means it aint going to happen)

No I’m sure I my life where a little less complicated, I worked less hours, my job thought I was human and not a computer, etc, I could lead the life of true Southern Belle, but until then I can play dress up and pretend. But my true nature will always dominate. I am who I am, a successful, thirty something educator, who hates doing laundry, hopes to at least put on mascara in the morning, and for dang sure will never be a damsel in distress!

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