Saying YES…..(not what you’re thinking)

Happy April!!! So after my last blog I have decided to get my life. 35 will not defeat me. So I am going to start taking care of me. Per my last post (yes…please say it like you’re typing someone in an email “per my last email 😑😑”) I am going to be a little more selfish and start focusing on Me and saying yes to Me. I have a plan…. guess I can share it because maybe one of y’all will keep me accountable.

I had to go into my war room (aka my car….. hush your face I pray where I want) this morning and ask God for some help (Nothing will move you more than a dream of you dying…*shutters*). So in my dream last night I died. I literally felt the life leave my body and woke up coughing. It wasn’t the death that scared me more than feeling like I was going to leave this world and no one would notice or care (sorry if this is morbi but…..).Nothing scares me more than dying and not having anything accomplished and no these 3 degrees are not accomplishments to me (and I don’t care what you and ya mama think about it). I felt that in my dream last night. That my hopes and dreams had ended before I could ever get them started….but let me NOT digress. This plan, let’s talk about it.

1. I’m going to read more. My passion for reading has been killed by the distraction of everything. I love reading but as of lately I haven’t been able to read anything except lesson plans and dumb quizzes on facebook. I’m going to start by actually reading Shonda Rhimes Year of Yes. Why this book…. because I forgot how yo say Yes to myself.

2. In May I’m attending a conference called Women Winning at Work, and yes I bought a VIP ticket because I am saying Yes to myself. I really want to be more productive in my career, not only that, I want to be more productive in my endeavers outside my career. I feel this conference will not only push me to achieve better but will light a fire under my feet to get on the good foot (let’s go sugar foot!!!)

3. I am listening to more podcasts and doing my homework. Living in fear of backlash is keeping me from moving forward with something that could be amazing for me. It’s time for me to start pushing myself out in the public eye a little more. I mean yes I’ve done this as an athlete and a coach but I feel that at some point I need to known as this person I am at this minute. I’m not going to be ashamed of mistakes in the past or mistakes in the future, because someone may actually need to hear my story.

4. The book WILL BE DONE BY JUNE. No further explanation needed for that.

Hopefully my few and faithful will continue to push me. HOPEFULLY they haven’t lost faith in me like I have for myself, but if they did I am going to give them something to believe in one more time.

Little razzle dazzel for the one time ❤

Dreams…..

A 6 months ago I had a dream that literally was screaming for me to move forward. No matter how much I feel my old issues are resolved they sneak up subconsciously to torment me.
In this dream I am mourning the loss of a relationship and refusing the possibility of a new one. All my exes encircled me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so confused considering I know most probably hate me, but then something caught my eye. Each ex wore a shirt that had a list as to why we could never be together. Insecurity, luster, greed, envy, shame, doubt, weak, angry….all were valid reasons….all reasons why we could never fit the puzzle pieces together. You can never force a round peg into a square hole (yeah I know I reversed it). I could never reduce myself enough to make them feel important enough to be with me.
So I woke up prayed, moved forward, and let go.

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Smiles are genuine

The Friend Zone….. Dun Dun Dunnnnn

Thank God this year is over. What the hell was 2016’s deal? Like seriously…..you couldn’t leave without taking someone close to me huh? You just had to touch everyone in the horrible way that you knew how…..bastard (I’m going to get in trouble when my mom reads this….)

Anyway okay so a lot of people are scared of it,  few embrace, me…..I love it. Yes I’m talking about the friend zone…..dun dun duuuunnnnn. I seriously enjoy being in the friend zone, why?  Because I actually get a chance to know someone. I can be myself without worrying about if I’m impressing that person or not. I don’t understand what the big deal is about the friend zone…(dun dun duuuunnnnn).

I’m lying, I do know why everyone else in the world hates the dreaded friend zone. We get so wrapped up in rushing things that we can’t take a freaking deep breath and smell the freaking roses. Do we not understand faster isn’t better? I know when I rush I tend to forget things. This year I left my whole coaching bag at the school while traveling to the district cross country meet. I was totally unprepared and had to wing it the whole meet.  Do you get what I’m trying to tell you? Stop rushing and be prepared.
I know we want to live life in the moment, I know we want things when we want them but look it’s not helping us at all.

When you bypass the getting to know you phase, when you push past because you want to see what that mouth do, you bypass all the important parts. What makes the other person happy, what is it that you can compromise because you know something is important to them? What is the person’s character like beyond what their “representative” shows? What is that person’s deal breakers? See all this is important before you try to “stick just the tip in”….(I’m really going to get in trouble for this lmbo). Quit being driven by sexual desire and the need to conquer and posses.

The friend zone should be utilized as a tool not a punishment. Here are some pointers:
– Do not bring up sex while in the friend zone
– Do get to know the person beyond a fat ahh, big boobs,a hard chiseled chest, broad shoulder, etc (God knows I love a good set of shoulders…..yum)
– Learn what makes that person tick
– Do find fun activities without the pressure of thinking it’s a real date or it being extremely expensive.
– DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!!!

You can use the friend zone to your advantage. It can help establish a great friendship with someone even if you don’t end up in a relationship. I promise this will probably cut down on the amount of broken people walking around trying to find someone to make them whole. Man just embrace the friend zone……dun dun duuuunnnnn lol

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Honey I’ve always been fabulous lol

More Than Wife Material…….

Hey Loves!! Well this is the month of love or lust or maybe just needing to be with someone. I get it, I get it,but just remember this is not a real holiday and you can make any month your month of love ( August for me :)). Don’t make yourself feel bad because you are single on Valentine’s day. Go out buy yourself some flowers and whatever else you want. Treat yourself to a nice dinner and love on yourself. Self love and acceptance is so much better than hoping someone accepts the wonderful person that you are. Oh yeah and Beyonce=total slayage….let’s get in formation ladies (yassssss)

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Okay okay enough of that, let’s talk about this whole thing about being “wife material”. Now listen I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being married or aspiring to be married. I applaud you ladies, you have made a wonderful commitment to be someone’s partner to build and work together to do amazing things for the for the rest of your lives. But can I ask this, was being wife material your only aspiration? I seriously doubt it. Most of my married friends are movers and shakers in the world. They are getting things done along with holding down a household. I guess my issue is should we really only strive to be “wife material”, shouldn’t it be to strive to be the best “YOU” you can be?

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I have been called wife material many times in my adult life but I’m not married. So should I be disappointed? See I refuse to wrestle with this idea. I have come to a place in life where if I get married great and if I don’t….great. Truthfully I want to be known as a great person. I want to make an impact on people that eclipses my marital status, financial status, religion or race. I want to be the type of person that when people talk about me there’s nothing really negative you can say and the ones that do say negative things know deep down that its a lie. I want to live a life that is so great that when I die people will know that I lived a truthful, fruitful, prosperous, eventful, never a dull moment life.

So excuse me if I don’t thank you for calling me wife material. Thank you for thinking that I will be a great companion and spouse, but I know that I am so much more. The same goes for the ladies that are married. They had identities before they said I do and that’s what their husbands fell in love with. Not their cooking and cleaning or their ability to be submissive. No they fell in love with their personality, their drive, their ability to do extraordinary things. So instead of saying that someone is wifey (or husband) material how about we just tell them they are a great person and have the ability to make great partnerships.

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Oh please believe and understand this is not me being anti-marriage. I love marriage!!! It is ordained by God so everything about being married is pleasing to the Lord. I can’t hate what is ordained. But as for me to only want that in life….oh no no no. God said the Earth and all of its fullness is mine to experience. So if that one aspect in my life isn’t fulfilled at this moment, I’m not going to miss out on the rest of what life has to offer.

Until next time Loves, have a beautiful time in life, learn to appreciate the little things and do something great :)!!!!

Let the Fun Times Begin…….

It’s official I am ending the mancation. I have come to the conclusion that I will not put myself on the shelf. I am way too great of a person to exclud myself from life because someone hurt me (yeah,  it hurt a lot). What I’ve learned during my mancation process is that not every man is the same. There are two extremes: confident Alpha men (no I’m not talking about the frat, although the majority of yall….YESSSSSSS!!!)  and narcissistic beta males.

An Alpha male is one who is confident and whole within himself. He doesn’t fight for attention or praise from others. He has an inner sense of self that cannot be shaken by anyone else. Cocky, he is not but he does walk with a sense of purpose. He has all his ducks in a row. No illegitimate children running around, he takes care of his family, and makes no excuses when he misses the mark. Most men want to be him and woman want to marry him. His life is full with or without a mate. Sounds great right ladies? We all want this man, our dream. …but unfortunately this is not the man we attract.

I had to be truthful with myself about which of these men I found myself more attracted to…..unfortunately it was the beta male. They can talk a good game but when it comes to true genuine actions they can’t back it up. No matter what a female brings to the table, they can NEVER make the beta male feel secure. Why you may ask? The beta male has to figure out what he needs by himself, which is hard because he continues to search for his wholeness in others. Which in turns leaves the beta male with a trail of broken promises and hearts.

So where does this leave me? Truthfully it has made me take a look within myself. I had to understand why I felt the need to settle. I really felt my faults where too big to deserve anyone who was my equal. Yes I know I’m smart and gorgeous, single, no kids and very independent, but I don’t like to cook (even though I can), I hate folding laundry (that ever growing b***h of a mountain), and I work long hours. I felt I deserved punishment for all of this, like somehow these things didn’t make me good enough. So I settled…..but not now. Now I’m taking the bull by the horns and letting the world know I am good enough.

So now that I’m back on the dating scene I know what I want. I refuse to slip into a situationship because of what I feel I deserve. I will not accept lip service or make excuses for others. I’m too old and too knowledgeable to let that happen again. So here’s to a happy life and cheers to many incredible dates to come.Snapchat-4347591048817667302.jpg

 

Things This Single Woman Detest (such a strong word but if the stiletto fits) ………

As I sit here on my fabulous red couch (yes back home in my quiet) I think about all the things I seriously hate as a single woman. Now before someone looks at me sideways I have my own definition for the word SINGLE (all caps makes it scary but it’s really quite a nice little word……SSSSIIIIINNNNGGGGLLLEEE, rolls right off your tongue). To me being single means that I have yet to make the commitment to marriage. I am in a relationship, but are we at a point that we are thinking about marriage, not that I know of. But it’s okay…no worries here because although I would like to do the whole married with kids and white picket fence with a small dog and neighbors that bring over baked goods and jello and all that jazz (random runon sorry), I don’t think I’m ready for it. I’ve prayed about it and all I hear God say is nothing (lol because He knows I’m not ready for it either). I feel as though I am on a different path at the moment (Again prayed about that too and God said “Go and enjoy all the things I have put in this world that I want all to enjoy”…..yep just like that). Anywho….enough of that here are the things I despise………………

Laundry!!! You would think that as a single person who lives in a house I wouldn’t have that much laundry but I do and I hate it. I feel like I’m making a dent and then I look in the laundry room and see a mountain that will put Mt. Everest to shame. I swear I don’t know where all these clothes come from. I have given clothes away every year for the past five years and yet and still……TOO MANY CLOTHES. But every week I seem to be washing a ton of clothes most of which I don’t remember buying or wearing. Like at this moment I’m looking at a basket and breaking out in hives knowing that I have to fold them at some point in life. If I were married yeah…..I’d probably make sure that he can fold and put up the clothes…..yeah that would be his job (Kanye shrug lol), but I promise I would wash and dry….I’d do my share I promise 🙂

Being treated as though I am a child……okay look I’m 32 years old not 15 or 21 or 25…….I AM #@(@(#( 32!!! Yet because I don’t have kids or I’m not married I tend to be treated as a child, not by my parents (you would think right BTW if yall are reading this I LOVE YALL SOOOO VERY MUCH), no by people who think “aww you poor baby, someone will scoop you up soon..” that’s not the way this works. I have a whole house note, car note, hwa fees, escrow and career (i think all this qualifies me as a responsible adult) I am grown beyond measure. Being single doesn’t mean I am not mature or can’t fend for myself. I am perfectly capable to do all of the above. I love the fact that people worry about my well being, but please understand I am not in my house burning pieces of wood and hunting the stray cats in my neighborhood to eat and stay warm (I just laughed out loud for real at that thought). I may not have always had a partner to discuss all major decisions but I do have others in my life that have trained and made me perfectly competent to do all these things and more.  I can take care of myself.

Fairy tales……I don’t think I’ve ever really liked fairy tales. When I was younger my grandmother started my Disney video collection. The first VHS (yep i said it….) ever gave me was The Little Mermaid. I loved the singing and dancing but I could never understand why Ariel wouldn’t just swim up to the prince and introduce herself. I mean it would have cut out the whole Ursela and losing her voice deal and the prince and her dad would just have to deal with who she really was anyway…..(was I the only 9 year old who thought this?? probably) I guess I don’t get the whole concept of a fairy tale. To me living happily ever after means accepting yourself for who you are and living your life to the fullest. If you want to get married, GREAT!! If you want to stay single and travel to every continent around the world and learn to say hello in every different language known to man…..DO IT!! It’s your life and you don’t have to wait for anyone else to tell you to how to live it. As long as you put God first and seek Him as you travel through this great journey we call life you should be happy. That’s the fairy tale I guess I believe and it’s the one I am living.

This one is fun…..being set up!!! Please stop, don’t do it….(I think of this and die several slow deaths) I love that you think so highly of me that you want me to be with someone you think I would be perfect for…..but please don’t. Usually the situation just turns really awkward and then I have to report back to you about the total level of awkwardness and then hear about how you “just thought we would be great for each other”. I swear I truly love you for thinking I would be a great match for anybody and believe me, I know I am awesome (no…really I’m super awesome :)) Unless I ask you just hold off on the match making. It saves me and the other person from wasting an hour and a half of our lives trying to be cordial to one another while thinking about other things we could be doing (like folding all that freaking laundry….seriously it’s like never ending).

I hope this wasn’t too much (remember this is just me confessing ergo the title “Confessions From a Red Couch”)…..but just a little list of things that irk me. I love my life and where I’m going. Am I always quite sure where it’s going to lead me….No!! But I trust and have faith in God that He will never steer me wrong. I use every experience as something to learn from, pass on, and live through. This part of my journey I’m on is great and no matter how long it lasts, I’m going to make sure I enjoy it to the fullest :o)

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When did life get so complicated………

Can someone explain to me when life got so freaking complicated?

I would like to say that I am writing from my nice comfy red couch in my reading room at my house. Drinking a nice glass of wine for……ummm digestive and heart purposes (yeah right). This post is coming from my parents’ house. This is my sanctuary when things get crazy in my mind and the quietness in my house seems too loud. Today is that day. I am overly frustrated with life, and it used to not be this way. I remember a time when I was carefree without a worry in the world. I was about to graduate from from grad school, I had a job and was out of a seven year relationship that I ended (first grown up decision of my life). I had no real expectations about life all I know is that I wanted to live life to fullest and then something happened…………I started living out others expectations on my life.

I know other people (especially those older than us) have the best intentions in mind when it comes to our lives but I can honestly say that it has left me 30 lbs overweight, anxiety ridden and not living the life that i ever had envisioned for myself. It’s not their fault for imparting wisdom, it’s my fault for trying to take all the ideas and perform them at once.

My vision……my vision in life is to help others anyway I can. I don’t want one specific group. I think only using my super human powers (yes I’m a superhero….no for real) to service one group of people is pretty dang selfish. No I’m not talking about healing the world in a month or solving global warming, but giving a smile when someone needs it, or a hug, even being that shoulder for someone to cry on. This is my purpose in life, this is what brings me joy and satisfaction. This is why God gave me this beautiful smile, flirty eyes, gorgeous disposition, and a personality that can light up a room (yes I do know my assets and I will brag about them daily). I wasn’t put on this Earth for just one purpose, I am here to live life 🙂

My issues…….yes I have them and now I am learning how not to be ashamed of them. I CAN NOT be perfect……let me repeat this…..I CAN NOT be perfect nor do I want to be. A perfect life is a boring life and for a while that’s the direction my life was pointed…..BORING!!! My issues have shaped me into the woman I am and the woman I am becoming. As much as I wish I wasn’t a type A, procrastinating, introverted, sleep deprived young lady, it’s who I am. I mean I can’t apologize for and yes I can make a few changes but my flaws and strengths are what have made me who I am.

My body…..my body is beautiful (take that society), it is just as beautiful now as it was when I was working out 5x times a week, eating chicken breast with every meal and drinking about 5 L of water a day. I have been criticised about my shape since before I knew I had a shape. I have been told that I needed to hide it, cover it, reduce it, bind it blah blah blah!!! I have finally realized it doesn’t matter whether I wear a potato sack someone is still going to have a problem with it. But it’s fine because their issues are not mine. It took 32 years to make this body what it is today and if I wasn’t supposed to have any of this then I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to carry it so well (POW!! Take that 🙂

These my dear friends are things that I have lost sight of as I have traveled down this road we call life. Neglecting all these wonderful things about myself and listening to others has made me forget how wonderful of a human being I am. I have learned that life becomes complicated when I stopped believing in the person that I am and started believing in the person others wanted me to be. I became frustrated with life when I believed in the expectations others had for my life instead of believing and trusting in the plan I was already on. Life became dissatisfying when I stopped trying to make myself happy and started taking others happiness and satisfaction as a bigger priority.

So as I sit here, I know how to make life less complicated…..I have to trust my life process and believe that all things will work out for me even if it seems a little foggy and I can’t see the end of the road. My life is my life and its the only life I have. I have a choice in making it what it can be……and what I want it to be is a lot less uncomplicated 🙂C360_2015-02-28-20-03-01-094

Confessions from a Red Couch

Good evening,

This Saturday helped me realized things that I enjoy.

1. I really enjoy waking up in the morning and going back to sleep. I’m not a morning person, I am more of a wake up for 2 hours and go back to sleep for an hour type person. This is particularly significant because my profession does not allow this to happen often. It explains why I’m not fully functional until about 9:30-10am, I’m still waking up.

2. I love to clean my house in t-shirt and spanks. No I’m not talking about the figure altering brand of shape contorting under garments. If you have ever played organized volleyball or were a track athlete, you know I’m just referring to really short spandex. It’s actually quite liberating since house work is kinda like a workout anyway lol.

3. Not having to rush out of the house to do anything is THE MOST fabulous thing in the world. During the week I have to complete things for my job, for church, or just helping others out. When I get a Saturday where I get to choose what I truly want to do it is absolute bliss!!

4. Uninterrupted reading time!!! I love to read….for enjoyment. I remember when I graduated from college I vowed to only read for enjoyment…..no text books or manuals or anything educational, and then I became a teacher (p.s. teacher editions are the devil). So when I get time to get lost in a book I relish. I spent the whole day reading, cleaning and eating!! That my friends is what I call the best day ever 🙂