Hey Kids!!! Welcome back to the misadventures and fooleries of Confessions From a Red Couch. I am pleased that you have came back for more tales of life, romance, and the in between. Like I’ve said I plan to share my lessons I have learned throughout life. This post is no different. So well let’s begin shall we…..
#lessonslearned: You will never be everybody’s cup of tea!
Now look…I know myself and my personality and I can tell you this, I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I have been talked about, passed over, thrown away, and looked down upon my whole entire life. I’ve been promoted, demoted, and everything in between but I’m still living and loving. Why do I keep progressing? Honey I learned I’m not for everybody and neither are you.
Now I’m not saying that it’s okay to be a butthole (please don’t), it’s not your job to rub people the wrong way on purpose. It’s not okay to treat people with a nasty attitude. It’s not okay to be the negative Nancy or a sobby Susan (sorry if your name is Nancy or Susan, just well alliteration 🤷🏾♀️), your job in life is to be the best you you can be inspite of people’s attitudes toward you. This is what I have learned:
Other people’s perception of you are not who you are in total. Everyone we encounter gets a glimpse of who you are and build upon that. If someone sees you always happy that’s the perception they have of you. If someone always sees you losing it and cussing others out, that’s their perception of you. The small windows of prescription that we allow people to see are how people then perceive us. People who saw me as JUST a track coach have a different perception of me as a Science teacher. Do I try to correct their perceptions… nope. Why? It’s what they believe and until they see me in any other capacity then what’s the point. Their perceptions don’t change who I am or who you are.
People have a right to not accept you for who you are, but as long as you’re not being oppressed you keep moving foward. Look I know we as a society are trying to push that we are all special, but if we are all special… then who is truly special? Yes we all have purpose, we all have things that only we can accomplish but are we God’s only gift to the world? Nope. Do people HAVE to treat you like your ish has never stank? Absolute not. The only thing people honestly have to do is treat you with respect….DAS IT!!!
I say all this to say….you ain’t for everybody and it’s okay. Keep living, loving and being yourself. You will find your tribe and be their cup of tea while being able to spill all the juicy tea honey ❤
Hey y’all HEY!!! First I just want to toot my own horn and say YAAAASSSSS!!!! I have officially written three weeks in a row. Child when I set my mind to do something (good or bad) oh I gets it done. Secondly I want to praise God for the fact that I have less than 40 days left of this school year. For some reason this year has tested my will and my to do. From the look of my social media time line, so are the rest of my teacher friends. I don’t know if it’s the way we started the school year off (Harvey…..enough said) or it’s just the fact that it’s time for educational reform (this just might be my way into a doctoral degree……..and that’s a BIG MIGHT!!) but whatever it is I’m so ready for the end of it.
Okay let’s talk about letting the trash of life go. I’m not talking about that ex that did you horribly wrong and you feel like you just need to throw the whole dude away like he was never born (Sis I know the feeling….don’t worry I addressed that in an earlier post). No I’m talking about all the times you messed up and disappointed someone, you missed the mark that someone set for you, you slept with that person, you drank that drink, you did whatever you did knowing that it went against someone else’s idea for your life. Look I know about this all too well because I feel like I am the Queen of the let downs.
Don’t get me wrong when I do right and hit it out the park that ball goes for miles but the same goes for when I mess up……that dang ball goes on for miles (what can I say…..I don’t know how to do things on a small-scale). I’m writing all this to say I let the way I disappointed people in the past shape the steps I have taken in my present and toward my future. I have always felt and others have made me feel as though my mistakes, times I have misspoke, things I have typed, choices that I have made have disqualified me from continuing to accomplish the plan that God has for my life. As I continue to live I understand that all of those things, all of that foolishness, all the missteps are what have shaped me into the 35-year-old I am today.
SO TONIGHT I AM WRITING TO SAY: YEAH I DID ALL THAT AND MORE!!! Judge ya mama. I’m tired of letting people look at me like I’m not worthy enough to fit in the inner circle. I’m tired of people holding mistakes I’ve made ten years ago over my head and making me wear a scarlet A. I may not have turned out like you expected me to but DEAR GOD I’M HERE (thank you Alice Walker for the best quotes of my life). Your approval means nothing to me anymore. Making you proud is no longer on my list of accomplishments. Either you get behind me and support me or you can officially watch this train roll on. Your ideas of me will no longer hold me hostage.
Hey guys….. I’ve been MIA and I apologize. I wanted to write something else but this wouldn’t leave me alone so……
I don’t want to be that girl anymore. Yeah she might be skinnier, a little more attractive, a little easier but nah I don’t want to be her. See back then she used to sweat the small stuff. She used to allow what others thought and said about her drive her crazy. So she tried to fit a mold. A mold that she wasn’t ever meant to fit. A mold that no one can ever fit.
That girl was full of anxiety and unsure about her future. She believed many lies that were told to her and that she told herself. She believed that she was unlovable. Something proven to her by people who she thought cared about her. They would provide lip service but could never back it up with action.
So instead of living she just existed. There was no drive, there was no purpose, she was just there. Until one day something inside of her screamed to be released. Someone who she had lost so long ago. She decided to let her free. Free to be whoever she wanted to be. That’s when I found me. I was finally comfortable in my own skin being who I was supposed to be. No more pretending, just living the life I really wanted to live.
Now I understand those experiences have shaped and molded me. I may not be perfect but I can tell you I’m definitely content and happy (and maybe just a little exhausted).
A 6 months ago I had a dream that literally was screaming for me to move forward. No matter how much I feel my old issues are resolved they sneak up subconsciously to torment me.
In this dream I am mourning the loss of a relationship and refusing the possibility of a new one. All my exes encircled me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so confused considering I know most probably hate me, but then something caught my eye. Each ex wore a shirt that had a list as to why we could never be together. Insecurity, luster, greed, envy, shame, doubt, weak, angry….all were valid reasons….all reasons why we could never fit the puzzle pieces together. You can never force a round peg into a square hole (yeah I know I reversed it). I could never reduce myself enough to make them feel important enough to be with me.
So I woke up prayed, moved forward, and let go.
Thank God this year is over. What the hell was 2016’s deal? Like seriously…..you couldn’t leave without taking someone close to me huh? You just had to touch everyone in the horrible way that you knew how…..bastard (I’m going to get in trouble when my mom reads this….)
Anyway okay so a lot of people are scared of it, few embrace, me…..I love it. Yes I’m talking about the friend zone…..dun dun duuuunnnnn. I seriously enjoy being in the friend zone, why? Because I actually get a chance to know someone. I can be myself without worrying about if I’m impressing that person or not. I don’t understand what the big deal is about the friend zone…(dun dun duuuunnnnn).
I’m lying, I do know why everyone else in the world hates the dreaded friend zone. We get so wrapped up in rushing things that we can’t take a freaking deep breath and smell the freaking roses. Do we not understand faster isn’t better? I know when I rush I tend to forget things. This year I left my whole coaching bag at the school while traveling to the district cross country meet. I was totally unprepared and had to wing it the whole meet. Do you get what I’m trying to tell you? Stop rushing and be prepared.
I know we want to live life in the moment, I know we want things when we want them but look it’s not helping us at all.
When you bypass the getting to know you phase, when you push past because you want to see what that mouth do, you bypass all the important parts. What makes the other person happy, what is it that you can compromise because you know something is important to them? What is the person’s character like beyond what their “representative” shows? What is that person’s deal breakers? See all this is important before you try to “stick just the tip in”….(I’m really going to get in trouble for this lmbo). Quit being driven by sexual desire and the need to conquer and posses.
The friend zone should be utilized as a tool not a punishment. Here are some pointers:
– Do not bring up sex while in the friend zone
– Do get to know the person beyond a fat ahh, big boobs,a hard chiseled chest, broad shoulder, etc (God knows I love a good set of shoulders…..yum)
– Learn what makes that person tick
– Do find fun activities without the pressure of thinking it’s a real date or it being extremely expensive.
– DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE IN THE FRIEND ZONE!!!!
You can use the friend zone to your advantage. It can help establish a great friendship with someone even if you don’t end up in a relationship. I promise this will probably cut down on the amount of broken people walking around trying to find someone to make them whole. Man just embrace the friend zone……dun dun duuuunnnnn lol
Beautiful world……I’m coming off the roller-coaster ride of my last post to bring you this lol what happened to real dating? What happened to people being cordial to one another without some under lying motive.
Case in point I had the great opportunity to have a brief text conversation with a gentleman (using this term very loosely). For some reason a he was under the strange impression that I should have asked him out on a date. Now I’m all for women’s rights (I dare not say I’m the “F” but …I am), but if someone expresses that they have an interest in you shouldn’t they be the one to set up the date? Please by all means answer…..I’ll wait…… (okay getting bored and tired of waiting)….well my answer is yes. In my world if you like me you will pursue, and yes it’s because I’m a treasure and you need to know my worth. Truthfully on a first date I’m looking to see if the man will step up and take control and I will by all means pay my share.
Well this fine gentleman thought that since I am an independent, successfully employed, childless single woman it was my job to take care of him. He even offered to have me drop all contact with other men because of his interest but not take me out on a date. Doesn’t this sound foolish? At what point did it become the woman’s job to take charge in a relationship? Not even that, when did the roles reverse? While you’re thinking of the answer I’ll just leave you with his response when I told him I didn’t think I was the woman for him. Please feel free to correct me if I am wrong but….this time I don’t think so……….
Well let’s do this again…..I did it in 2012 and now it’s time for another one. I need to get my focus back without any distractions. I have a lot of things I need to accomplish in the next three years. The last time I did this I ended up in a relationship at the end. Not this one….the goal is to make sure I gain a new sense of self. I’m starting now and plan on ending in December (family cruise!!!)
Here are the rules:
1. No serious dates.
2. I will not give any of my contact information to anyone new.
3. Those who I have erased and they feel the need to contact me will not be getting a response.
4. Anytime I think about going against the mancation rules I have to do 20 pushups.
5. Those who are able to contact me will be on a 10 minute limit. If they can’t get it out in 10 minutes then the conversation is meaningless.
I hereby promise to stick to these rules, if not I plan on having some very fabulous arms by December and in time for our family cruise.
So i am now the single girl that’s not in a relationship. I’m in the process of moving forward with the rest of my life, because that’s what you do move forward. But I’m still baffled by the whole thing. How can someone say they have your back one moment turn around and place your whole life in danger and make you feel like the situation was your fault? How does someone reject encouragement and faithfulness? Okay….I need to bring it back because this is not what I want to talk about (woosahing…. breathing…. living)
Back to the nature at hand (shout out Dr.Dre)…I really do want a forever kind of love. Not that googly eye, heart flutter, leg melting thing. That’s all based on emotions, things that wear off. That’s all temporary the excitement of something new. Some people thrive off this and end up jumping from relationship to relationship. They don’t have the maturity, emotional or spiritual deepness to get past this point. Think about your Middle school/high school crush…… (oh Lord I remember mine)…. think about the feeling you had as he walked down the hallway. He probably gave you a quick greeting that made you feel like you were going to absolutely melt that moment. Now fast forward to your 10 year reunion….. did you feel the same way? Hell I didn’t….. zero emotion whatsoever, it wasn’t ever deep. Just so superficial (and I’m pretty sure he didn’t look the same).
I want that married for 65 years type of love. That love that lasts through infinity and time. That love that you don’t ever have to question no matter what you’ve been through. Im over the emotions and games people play. Anybody can love when things are new and fresh, but can you do it when I don’t understand you? Can you do it when I know you have to make a hard decision that’s doesn’t bring comfort to either one of us? Can you do it when your back is against the wall? That’s the forever type of love I’m looking for. Yes I’m putting pressure on the next one. I don’t want my heart to be played with. So if you don’t want what I want please don’t play games or be a pretender….. life is too short to not live it the way you want.
So I’m sitting on this couch thinking about thinking…..(no for real….) and part of this verse from the Bible hit me “And the truth shall set you free”. I don’t know why but I want to know what truths will set you free? I know I have a couple that I think I finally want to share that may change your opinion about me but I’m at a point in my life where I just don’t care (I would say sorry but….)
I am so happy I didn’t get married the first time someone proposed to me (or the second time…..hush lol). I think that I probably could have been married by now and had a family, it would have been nice to have my grandparents there. Truth is I more than likely would have been a divorced (or widowed because I found out that….well not important) single mother. Would planning the ceremony and celebrating a union that wasn’t ordained by God in the presence of my family, friends and loved ones really be worth more than my happiness. Nope not at all!! Do I still communicate with him, occasionally, but I don’t miss him in that capacity. I still have love for him but I’m not the same person I was when I graduated from college. I have grown so much as a woman and he still expected me to remain the young bright eyed girl that loved blindly. I’m not her and I think if I would have married him we would have grown apart because of my desire to experience life at a greater level.
I get restless when I stay in town for too long. I have to travel!!! I think it just flows through my blood. Like right now at this moment I am going crazy because I have been in Houston way too long. I need to spread my wings and make a new experience really fast. This is how I start getting stir crazy. All work and no travel makes Janae a crazy, anxiety filled, nut bag. I don’t even know when this started happening. I always traveled in college because of track (one of the reasons I excelled, I got to travel different places) and when I graduated from college I would always go on some road trip. Right now I’m itching…..i need a get away and it doesn’t matter who takes me (hint hint lol).
I sometimes worry that I will get replaced. Even though I know I am the one and only (seriously I don’t think the world could handle another me). But there is that little place deep down inside that tries to figure out what will happen when ppl forget me, could they replace me easily. I had a health scare in January that helped me realize this. Once I leave can I be easily replaced? Am I really as special as I feel most days? This is a terrifying thought. I think all the lives I have touched and is it really a bad thing that I am forgotten? There’s always someone better or more equipped but I don’t think I’m ready to come to that conclusion.
Last but not least…….it’s easy for me to love but not to fall in love (that’s not a truth….that’s an Atom bomb that just exploded). I can honestly say I love everybody (stop laughing it’s the truth remember) but to become vulnerable enough to let go and fall head over heels, no holds bar, heart uncovered in love with someone scares the living crap out of me because I have serious trust issues. Too many times have I shown glimpses of my heart for it to get treated like a worthless toy, so I keep it locked in my little treasure chest and hide the key until someone is worthy enough to handle all it can offer.
So these are my truths and they have been proven. No hope is lost for my future, I just find it hilarious that the truths have been proven. Remind me of Geometry though, and I hated it lol
After seeing all these cute little kids and babies on my timeline and pictures on instagram, I can officially say I have caught baby fever. I want a cute, chubby faced version of me and someone else that I can love and nurture and spoil until they become too independent and break my heart lol….but seriously my biological clock is ticking so loud I get distracted from everyday tasks thinking about what it would be like to have a child. It has caused me to reevaluate some of my life choices and reasons I have for not having any at this moment……
The first and obvious issue……..I’m not married. My number one issue, I truly believe in first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage. No jabs at the women who are holding it down being a single mother. I understand that life, my mother was actually a single teenaged parent. I just don’t think I’m about that life, I need partnership if I’m going to have a baby, and I’m not talking about co-parenting or any of that new stuff. I need commitment!! Having a child is a huge responsibility, one that should be shared. Plus I really need someone to balance out my weirdness, because I can get a little strange if left to my own vices. I really have to make sure that I have somebody around 24/7 as a good sounding board.
My lifestyle is not conducive to having kids. Once again hats off to the single working moms. I have no idea how you guys do it, seriously (ginseng, ginkgo biloba, an IV of caffeine????) I am an educator and a head coach, half the time I have to set my alarm on my cell phone to make sure I eat, does that really sound healthy for a child. I’m serious, I forget things even when they are written down, put in my cell phone as a reminder, tattooed on my wrist (just joking no wrist tattoos lol) . I couldn’t imagine having to take care of another human being (the thought of the extra laundry alone is making me cringe…..actually the thought of my mountain of laundry….I digress). I truthfully can’t do it on my own, to manage my schedule, sometimes I’m gone for days…..let me put it this way I’m surprised my two plants are still alive.
I’m not quite ready for my body to change. I just don’t know if I can go through with it. I’m already top heavy…..and they grow through pregnancy….. OMG!!!! That will be ri-dunk-ulous!!! I would seriously have to be married so I could get back rubs every night and someone to hold them up when the bra cubes out… (I’m dead serious)