#LessonsLearned: My 2 Dads and My Daddy Issues

My two Dads

Day 10 of the #30daysofblogging challenge and I am officially doing so much better. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If anything it means I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I love this journey that I have taken. I fill so much more fulfilled and encouraged. Thank you to all of those who have been reading my foolishness I really appreciate it. Now this entry is near and dear to my heart. So with having two dads I still had daddy issues. It wasn’t until I got older, and started this scam of adulting, did I begin to understand that my dads had to be take off the pedestal that I had put them on. As life happened to me it allowed me to see that life was happening to them but I was around to see it.

My two dads, both named Bruce, are amazing people. No they are not perfect but they each had a chance to sow into my life and honestly they still do. I think God did this on purpose because seriously who else in the world would have two dads with the same name raising a very strong willed, independent little girl. I needed that male guidance in my life to ensure that I didn’t think all men were trash.

Just Regular

Now having two dads did not stop me from having daddy issues, I wish. Nope, they were just trying to be the best dads they could be. Let me say this again this is in NO WAY bashing them. My father’s are m&*^f&*((*& amazing. I would absolutely go to war for them on any given day ( which means you will die). The biggest lesson I had to learn is that they were human, regular black men who are just trying to make it in this world. The world that sees them as a danger no matter how good, how loving, how innocent they are. They were trying to protect their families and themselves from all the dangers that were are right outside the front door.

Not Superheroes

As much as I wanted to believe that they weren’t, they were just regular men trying to live. I think all little girls believe that their dads are the superest of superheroes. We want to believe that they are above the cares of the world and their one and only job is to make us happy. Well my friends that is not the case. Dads are just men who are trying to make it the best way they can in this world. Fathers have the almost equally as tough as being a mom:they have to provide, protect, nurture and be a man. There’s no manual to that stuff. They feel just like everyone else. They hurt, they love, they mourn and when no one is looking they cry. Dads aren’t faster than a speeding bullet, they aren’t super strong, or have laser eyes. They are humans who make human mistakes.

I appreciate you

I appreciate them and all they have done for me. As I got older I all the resentment I had for the little things  went away. As an adult I understand that some things they were just working out for themselves. They had life trauma they needed to work through just like me but the difference is seeing a therapist is more acceptable now than back then. Mental health is now a priority and not some thing that people look down upon.

Say Something

If you haven’t gotten anything out of this you need to understand this: if your dad was present, supportive and loving in his own way, then you had a great father figure. Now this is in now way excusing s&*^)# behavior from anyone. If your dad sucked beyond measure, if he was absent or abusive call him out on it. Why, because you have a right to confront the issue. With that being said, I would definitely love to thank my 2 dads. My Bruces (lol) for all the love and support that they could give to me. I know you weren’t perfect and neither am I but I do appreciate you.

Well this entry was short and to the point lol I don’t want to belabor the point. Make sure you like, subscribe comment and share. It’s always appreciated. Also visit this link to listen to the podcast or get Confessions From A Red Couch merch. Day 11 will probably be just a quick update of things that have changed in the past 10 days since I started the challenge.

 

#lessonslearned Dump that toxic baggage

Let’s talk about what afflects us all…..baggage. Some baggage we can chalk up to lessons learned and some of it is just garbage we need to burn in a trash heap. As much as we’d like to say that “Oh girl I’m good, just happy to be out of it” or “You know I’m just happy I can move forward to better” we still have to deal with the issues that we carry from the toxic dump nuclear waste of a situationship.

1. Take responsibility for your actions and responses only. If you did all you knew how to please the other person then that’s all that matters. You can only be responsible for the things that you can do physically and emotionally. In relationships whether friend, family, or significant other we tend to judge the success based on the response of others to our actions. You can not, I repeat, YOU CANNOT control someone else’s response to your best intentions.

2. Each situation is not like your last. Take each new relationship as a new beginning. They are not like the last person so quit treating and making them seem like they are. You have every right to wish the best in every new situation until you have a reason not to. But do not hold others responsib\nle for your hurt feelings.

3. Let go of the guilt. Things don’t work out for a reason. As humans we crave the constant praise and accolades for how well we are doing. That’s not life and most times you get it wrong. That’s okay!! If this relationship went horrible quick, whether it was your fault or the other parties fault, get up, forgive yourself and move forward. Holding on to the guilt from your past mistakes can keep from moving forward, in life and relationships.

I know it may seem like things won’t get better but I promise they will. I’m trying to make you understand that you have control of being a victim or a victor. Focus on the positives and moving forward. Life and relationships aren’t always about the good times, more so can you be a survivor and flourish through what life brings you. You learn from every interaction in your life. Please don’t let one or two keep you from living your best life ❤

You know just looking cute for my fiance and what not