#Lessonslearned Self Destructive Behaviors Is What I Used To Do

self destruction

Hey hey kids!!! I am still here, still going strong. #30daysofblogging has been a completely amazing journey. Day 15 is in full effect and the halfway mark. I had to take a brief break to recover from the weekend. No I wasn’t kickin it (lol waiting until the Girls Trip 2019), but Chris had his first catering job. I am super proud of him and the amazing job he did. If you are in the Houston/Dallas area and you need amazing food made by a professional chef contact All or Nunn Catering. He does food prep, intimate date nights and large parties. Okay enough with me gushing over bae, let’s talk about self destructive behaviors.

Since I started this blog I have been fighting some bad habits and behaviors. I knew I had to change some self destructive tendencies I had adapted into my life. Why, because they just made it easier to traverse through life. Now just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s right…and that’s my TED talk 🤷🏾‍♀️. I kid, but I’m going to be transparent about my foolishness.

Negative Self Talk

I wrote an entry earlier this year about the damage of negative self talk and how to move forward. Negative self talk is a cancer to your life. I know for a fact that the majority of my other self destructive tendencies stem from this one right here. Think about it, if you have nothing positive to say about yourself how can you believe what anyone else says about you. I used negative self talk to beat others negative criticism about me, and the crazy thing is that no one else was doing it but me. I had to shift my way of thinking about myself in order to appreciate the things that I have been doing as much as everyone else around me.

Failing to Take Action

I used to be the queen of planning things but never moving past the plan. So much so I was being honored with an award and right before I told everyone who was supposed to show up that I wasn’t coming. Why, because of failure to action. I didn’t want to do it because it would bring attention to me. And by bringing attention to me people would see that I wasn’t worth the award. Now do you see that stupid way of thinking? Just dumb….I don’t want to act because it will bring attention to me.

Oh here’s another one I fail to act because I’m afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I will not act. Therefore I wouldn’t know if my idea would work or not because I DIDN’T ACT. What foolishness is this. I’m in a rut because I refused to act and it’s no one else’s fault but mine. Chillleeee if y’all don’t give me an offering after this…..LAWD. My book is not done yet because of fear of failure. I don’t do Facebook/IG live because of fear of failure. I don’t act so I DON’T SUCCEED.

Hiding From Emotion

I was the emotionless queen for a while. I didn’t have appropriate emotional responses to certain situations. Instead of being sad anger was the only response I could show when I was hurt. I never cried l and I only showed love to my family and really close friends. And when I did cry it was usually because I was so angry and I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. How confusing is was this to others? Honestly I was the epitome of the stereotypical “Angry Black Woman”.

I started to see the effect it had on my relationships and knew I had to change. I realized showing emotions was not weakness and angry does not make me strong (but it did make me look crazy).

Sabotaging Relationships

Hello my name is Janae and I used to utterly DE-STROY relationships. You don’t do something I like? Gone. I get a bad vibe….skert skert (sorry I’m listening to Migos lol). Why, I think it has to do with showing emotions and being vulnerable. I didn’t want ANYONE think that they could do anything to hurt me. So relationships l, for me, were only temporary and based on my needs getting satisfied. Sure the other person might have thought I was being sweet and caring, but in reality I was counting down to the days I would ghost them (I didn’t say I have always been a great person). I didn’t learn it was possible to have a healthy relationship until I started to work on myself. That was when I decided to stop sabotaging my relationship with myself so that I could actually have healthy relationships with others.

That’s what this blog and podcast are all about. I really want people to see that I know where you’re coming from and I can get you to where you want to go. Life is hard, but when you add self inflicted pain from self destructive behaviors it becomes sad and lonely. Do yourself a favor and let that stuff go. You need to drop your guard and have healthy boundaries.

 

#LessonsLearned: My 2 Dads and My Daddy Issues

My two Dads

Day 10 of the #30daysofblogging challenge and I am officially doing so much better. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If anything it means I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I love this journey that I have taken. I fill so much more fulfilled and encouraged. Thank you to all of those who have been reading my foolishness I really appreciate it. Now this entry is near and dear to my heart. So with having two dads I still had daddy issues. It wasn’t until I got older, and started this scam of adulting, did I begin to understand that my dads had to be take off the pedestal that I had put them on. As life happened to me it allowed me to see that life was happening to them but I was around to see it.

My two dads, both named Bruce, are amazing people. No they are not perfect but they each had a chance to sow into my life and honestly they still do. I think God did this on purpose because seriously who else in the world would have two dads with the same name raising a very strong willed, independent little girl. I needed that male guidance in my life to ensure that I didn’t think all men were trash.

Just Regular

Now having two dads did not stop me from having daddy issues, I wish. Nope, they were just trying to be the best dads they could be. Let me say this again this is in NO WAY bashing them. My father’s are m&*^f&*((*& amazing. I would absolutely go to war for them on any given day ( which means you will die). The biggest lesson I had to learn is that they were human, regular black men who are just trying to make it in this world. The world that sees them as a danger no matter how good, how loving, how innocent they are. They were trying to protect their families and themselves from all the dangers that were are right outside the front door.

Not Superheroes

As much as I wanted to believe that they weren’t, they were just regular men trying to live. I think all little girls believe that their dads are the superest of superheroes. We want to believe that they are above the cares of the world and their one and only job is to make us happy. Well my friends that is not the case. Dads are just men who are trying to make it the best way they can in this world. Fathers have the almost equally as tough as being a mom:they have to provide, protect, nurture and be a man. There’s no manual to that stuff. They feel just like everyone else. They hurt, they love, they mourn and when no one is looking they cry. Dads aren’t faster than a speeding bullet, they aren’t super strong, or have laser eyes. They are humans who make human mistakes.

I appreciate you

I appreciate them and all they have done for me. As I got older I all the resentment I had for the little things  went away. As an adult I understand that some things they were just working out for themselves. They had life trauma they needed to work through just like me but the difference is seeing a therapist is more acceptable now than back then. Mental health is now a priority and not some thing that people look down upon.

Say Something

If you haven’t gotten anything out of this you need to understand this: if your dad was present, supportive and loving in his own way, then you had a great father figure. Now this is in now way excusing s&*^)# behavior from anyone. If your dad sucked beyond measure, if he was absent or abusive call him out on it. Why, because you have a right to confront the issue. With that being said, I would definitely love to thank my 2 dads. My Bruces (lol) for all the love and support that they could give to me. I know you weren’t perfect and neither am I but I do appreciate you.

Well this entry was short and to the point lol I don’t want to belabor the point. Make sure you like, subscribe comment and share. It’s always appreciated. Also visit this link to listen to the podcast or get Confessions From A Red Couch merch. Day 11 will probably be just a quick update of things that have changed in the past 10 days since I started the challenge.

 

#LessonsLearned: I Don’t Have Time

I don't have time
Day 8 and away we go. Just a recap, #30daysofblogging is still going strong. I am in a better mental place AND my productivity is kicking booty. I got something I need to get off my chest though. My really good sister-friend Kimbrella uses one of my favorite phrases to state how she feels about foolishness “I DON’T HAVE TIME!!!” That’s the way I feel about certain things in life….I DON’T HAVE TIME. Anything that’s not productive or life changing is a waste of time I do not have. What’s the purpose of putting energy into things that aren’t beneficial to my life right now. I have enough on my plate as it is.
Things I DO NOT have time for:

Hyper judgmental people:

Why, WHY must we still be on this judgmental thing: Like it’s 2019, we’ve had a black president, taken multiple trips to the moon and outer space, even electric cars. People still have opinions about what others are doing with their lives. Guess what there’s more than one way to do things, so stop. Stop getting mad because people aren’t doing what you think they should do. Also how about you go judge ya mama because she probably ain’t doing nothing you want her to do either.

People who are just mean for the simple fact of being mean:

So I was looking through my comments and ratings for the podcast and somebody gave me a one star rating. Now if I wasn’t secure in myself I would have been shaken, but come on now lol 1 star hahahhaha that’s hilarious. Which leads me to this, why are you so miserable with your life that you have to make everyone else miserable? What is your purpose? Do you need a hug? Or maybe just something productive to do like actually doing something semi positive for someone else…..just maybe.

People who try to find you even though you’ve blocked them on pretty much everything:

If I block you guess what DON’T FIND ME ON ANYTHING ELSE. It means leave me alone. Don’t you find it strange that you are telling me to call you from LinkedIn and it’s not about a job opportunity. I don’t have time for your foolishness that’s why you were blocked in the first place.

People that are stuck:

Okay so you are stuck. You are in a place in your life that is uncomfortable and you don’t know your next move. We have all been there but you don’t have to stay in that position. You can make a plan and get out. It may not be easy but you can do it. Life is too short to dwell in a dead place and no one wants to constantly hear about it. So if you’re stuck…..MOVE something…anything just move.

People who lie about the most simple things:

My God in Heaven, why lie about the simplest things. Now I know sometimes people tell “white lies” to get out of tough situations, I get it. Is it right, nope but I get it. Now here’s my issue, when you lie all the freaking time for things that don’t even matter. Like I don’t get it. Here’s the issue, once you tell one lie, you have to keep lying. Look telling the truth may be hard but it’s the best way to go.
I hope this isn’t as petty as it sounded while I was typing it. But when I say I don’t have time, I mean I DON’T HAVE time. Honestly no one really has time for any of this foolishness. And neither should you. As I have told many of my students, life is too long AND too short to deal with any of the above or anything else you feel is just interfering with you living your best life. Make sure you listen to the podcast tomorrow which will be live on Facebook at 8 pm. We are going to talk about the journey to living a fulfilled life.

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#lessonslearned First Comes Love Then Marriage…Then a Kid?!?!?

My eye

Day 6 and awwaaayyyy we go!! I’m proud of myself. Never would I have thought I would have made it this long with consistency (yes I know it’s only been 6 days). I’ll talk about that in tomorrow’s entry though. Today I want to talk about my hopes and dreams of one day having a kid. I’m so happy that God blessed me with a happy marriage and 2 amazing bonus kids. I promise I will seriously hurt someone over these two. Honestly they are the reason we aren’t in a big rush to have a little chocolate bundle of joy. But I can’t help but think what the little superhero would be like (yep that what he/she will be…have you not met me?)

Now I have a couple of things that I need people to know before I even think about getting preggo.

If I don’t ask then shhhhhhhhh……

I see this all the time, people giving women unsolicited advice while they are pregnant or about raising kids. What kind of egomaniac do you have to be to do this? That person has a whole support system that are full of educated or experienced individuals. Who are you to interject ideas and opinions on anyone else? If I don’t ask you then guess what don’t tell me nothing. You may think you are helping out but you have know clue what the whole situation is behind that mother and child.

I will love on my kid as much as I want

DON’T TELL ME MY CHILD WILL BE SPOILED IF I HOLD THEM TOO MUCH. Look black babies enter this world with SEVERAL setbacks. Why would I damage that baby anymore than what the world is going to do to them? So yes I will comfort them when they are sad. No I will not let them cry it out every single time. Do you know that’s how sociopaths are created. This is how you teach your children healthy emotional relationships and attachment. Oh and I’m not just talking about if I have a girl, nope this will happen with my boy as well. We need to teach both our sons and daughters that it’s okay to show emotions and feelings. Maybe this will cut down on the amount of broken unemotional adults that are passing their brokenness to others.

They can make all the messes they want

Studies have shown that children that are allowed to make messes to discover make better connections. They become better problem solvers. You can teach babies how to be messy and how to clean. So if you come in my house and we are both covered in shaving cream or water  don’t be worried. We might be having a drum solo on all the pots in the middle of the living room, just put in the complimentary ear plugs and mind your business. My baby will know that not all messes are bad and you can clean up just about anything. This the reason why my house has never been or will ever be NOT child friendly

If they don’t want to go to you guess what….

I shouldn’t have to explain this but here we go. Kids still have a built in sensor of “I’m not comfortable” and adults seem to ignore that to make other adults feel better. I refuse to take a baby that isn’t reaching for me, why because that child isn’t comfortable around me. So don’t get offended if I don’t make my kid go to you. I will respect my child’s boundaries.

If you haven’t figured it…I’m going to be that extra parent. Just warning you now. So for those who keep asking when, just know I’m going to be super extra. Make sure you tune into the podcast this Wednesday. As always I post it to the podcast page the next day. Please make sure you subscribe and like as you watch or listen on any major listening platforms spotify, apple podcast, or google podcast  

 

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#lessonslearned I Wanna Do Over

Have you ever wondered what if your life went different? The “What ifs” are sometimes what keeps us moving forward in life. I always wonder what would happen if things went a tad bit different. I get that my past has shaped who I am today, but I still some times have a few “What if” questions that stay in the back of my mind. There are things in my life that I am extremely proud of: 2 Master’s in Education, owned my home home before 30, an amazing family, great sister friends, etc. I just really wanna do over!!!

Do Over: No credit card at 18….

I promise I am so happy that universities have stopped credit card companies from preying on college students. Now my credit card usage was okay, but that was a lot of responsibility to hand to me at 18. I didn’t turn 18 until the first day of classes my freshman year in college. My parents taught me a little about credit: make sure to pay your bills on time and not missing payments. To hand a high rate card to an unsuspecting immature 18 year old is like giving a gun to a baby. It’s not fair.

Do Over: No serious relationships until 21….

Okay this one is a reach but hear me out. I was really not ready for the relationship I had in college. I was still trying to find myself. Doing that and trying to date was craziness. Most of the fights we had were mostly because we were fighting to let our true self to be heard. I remember when we broke up I was sad because I knew I was losing a friend but I was free. There was a freedom to discover

the things I liked and disliked. A freedom to express myself the way I wanted and not try to keep myself as 18/19 year old for the rest of my life. Check out my post The Solo Act, my journey in random situationships.

Do Over: I would have JUST did it

I held myself back from a lot of things because of others.There was an invitation to try out for the US bobsled team, but I let my relationship keep me in Missouri. I was invited to go on an

backpacking tour out of the country but I stayed. It was always a struggle between making sure everybody else was okay and my feelings. Instead of doing what I do now, NOW I just act and think more about how it will bring value to my life. At the end of the day that’s all that really matters, how I feel about my life and how it turns out is the only thing that matters in the end
This “What ifs” are the reason why I live my life the way I do now. No more regrets, no more welllll, I’m just living my life to the fullest. I’m sure people don’t like but IDGAFF…..I’m going to make sure what I do honors me and makes this world freaking amazing. Check out the podcast and go look at some of the new MERCH!!

#lessonslearned: 5 ways I stay motivated

Look sis…..this month has been crazy. I am a TEACHER in May and let me tell you I am on edge. I’m not focused, I am just trying to get my students to finish out the school year  and ON TOP of I’m trying to get this business off the ground. I’m overwhelmed and under motivated. Here are some ways I make sure that I can stay motivated and continue to be productive.

1. I schedule my month

I have learned to schedule my months. Since I am now an entrepreneur and work full time, I have to have some way of staying afloat. Planning out my month helps me know what needs to be written, what needs to be posted, and what I need to do for my actual job. I can look at it as a guide and know if I’m falling behind. Currently….I’m falling behind.

2. I randomly ignore that schedule (lol)

Yep sometimes you have to step away from that beautifully organized schedule. Of course I know it’s full of motivational quotes, positive affirmations, little doodles of flowers and stars and hearts, but it can still get overwhelming. Which brings me to my next point…..

3. I look at the big picture of the project and attack the smaller tasks.

You have to step away when you get frustrated. Look at the end result of what you are trying to accomplish. Take a look at your checklist, see what small things you have done and can do. Attack those smaller things that don’t need a lot of thought. Creating graphics, writing a thank you email, etc….these are things that don’t usually take a lot of thought and can be completed to meet your end goal.

4. I step away when I get frustrated or stuck.

The project will be there but you need to get a refresher. There are those whose mind can be productive for a certain amount of time. It all depends on the person. But if you’re feeling frustrated, take a break. Step away, go workout, go eat….do something that has nothing to do with your project. Your brains has become overwhelmed and you need to remove yourself for a little bit.

Maybe, as my Nana used to say, you just need to take a nap. On episode 003 of my podcast we talked about the importance getting rest. When things get confusing just take a nap, it helps your body and mind restart. Who knows you may even get inspiration from a dream that will help you become more motivated.

5. I check in with someone about my progress

I love to have people I can confide in about things I am doing who are GENUINELY invested in what I am trying to do. When I run my ideas by them they will give good advice and that’s what I need them for…good advice.. They can tell me if I’m on the wrong track, if I’m about to knock it out of the park, or if I need to tweak something to fit my idea. There’s nothing wrong with using your support circle, that’s what they are therefore and they should keep you motivated.

This is how I keep going with everything else that is happening in life. Sure I may ignore one aspect fro a little too long but that is why I have a support system that helps me get right back into place. When it’s all said and done it’s still my responsibility to continue to stay motivated and move forward.

#lessonslearned: I’m Tired….

Hey yall!! Hope this first full week of May is treating you well. For me….I’m tired. I’m at a point where I want to dig a hole and just go sit in it. At some point people will stop asking me things or expecting me to do things and handle situations that I didn’t create. I honestly have cut down a bunch of obligations (including that big pile of laundry in my living room) because I know for a fact that my anxiety just can’t handle it. Self care is so much of a priority right now for the simple fact of my survival. But here are some things that are giving me joy.

1. The Podcast

I’m having fun developing the podcast. I have enjoyed creating content and presenting it. I’m having trouble marketing and getting it to my audience like I want to. I know I just started, but I gotta keep pushing for the 2, 200, or 2000 that are listening. Yet I’m STILL tired

Looking tired
My sister friend Sunshine and I on the latetest episode

Click here if you want to check it out

2. The BlogConfessions from a red couch podcast logo tired

I love writing, promise I do. I have been giving my readers a clear view of my thoughts for almost 4 years now. Y’all have been with me through heartbreak and triumphs. You’ve been an audience to my innermost thoughts and frustrations.

Writing this has been one the few things in life that has consistently giving me joy. It has helped me chronicle my journey up to this point. Am I going to continue? You damn right I am. Why wouldn’t I? Things get hard, bulls**t is bulls**t, but, this no matter what happens with it, will continue to be my favorite outlet. But guess what I am….TIRED

Check out some of my old post here. I hope you find some thing worth your time.

3. My Friends

My friends are freaking amazing. They support and cheer me on. I think they forget I don’t absolutely fit into one category. Yes, I love to be the friend that twerks and gets the party started. I might just be that petty friend that can make an observation that has everybody cracking up. As of recently I haven’t been that friend, and it’s heartbreaking that I can’t muster enough energy to do it. You have to always check on your friends that are always smiling and joking. Most of the times we are drowning……and just plain old TIRED

Other than that yall…..I’m mf tied. Marriage is hard work, life is hard work, managing my personal self care has been trash. I fight daily just to carve out time for myself. Most days it doesn’t happen because I’m fighting some outside bs that honestly has nothing to do with me. I just want to see that person I was about 3 years ago…..she was happy.

Marriage

#lessonslearned: Top 5 Newlywed Mistakes in Marriage


Marriage

 

Look I’m new to this thang but I peep game. As much as I never thought I would be happily married….here I am being happy AND married. These are the top five things that are actually helping me steer away from certain marriage pitfalls. Also check out me and my husband on the 7th episode of the podcast Confessions From A Red Couch, make sure you subscribe and like the video

Trying to hold onto complete independence

Biggest lesson I’m still learning is that it’s not him taking care of me or me taking care of him. We are taking care of each, the weight is not solely on one individual. I have to fight daily to understand this concept, because I’m accustomed to taking care of everything by myself for myself. Now I constantly have to shift my thinking from ME to WE. There’s no more just put your head down and power through it.  Now we have to talk about certain decisions….which leads to the next mistake.

Communication is key AND Comprehension is crucial

It’s one thing to hear someone and another thing to listen. In a new marriage it is important that you listen to each other. Listen to you spouse’s words, emotions, message. Don’t just hear to respond. Don’t hear and interject your feelings. What they are saying has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. It may not make you feel great hearing it and you may not even agree with it, but you have to listen. Effective communication and comprehension is key to keeping a marriage healthy and thriving.

Agree to disagree…..

You were two different people who lead two different lives before you got married. I know people sell you this idea that you *wILl FiNIsh eACh OthErS sEnTEnCeS* and be simpatico (excuse me while I gag). Y’all that’s all apart of a fairy-tale that DOES NOT EXIST. Stop putting that pressure on each other. You will not agree on everything and that’s okay. What’s not okay is to keep an argument going because you can’t let it go. Remember you married that person because you loved them for who they are, not because y’all agreed on everything. Let things go and come to a compromise so you can move forward in a loving life together.

Marriage is serious but I’m going to need you to laugh

Who ever told them marriage isn’t fun lied to you. My Nunny Bear and I literally crack each other up on a daily. Why? If I can’t laugh at the person I’m going to be with forever then what’s the freaking point? Like seriously, I would hate to be in a marriage when all we do is argue and frown at each other all day. I’d rather be single and happy then deal with that bullspit. Yes there will be times where you have to handle serious situations (health scares, finances, death, job loss, etc) but they should never steal the joy you have on your bond.

Sex is for more than procreation…..I DON’T CARE!!!

SEX IS IMPORTANT AND FUN!!!

I have no clue why people are lying about this.  And the men and women who are living this lie and using the bible…..didn’t read the whole book. They stopped too early, and I’m talking about Genesis early. Who hurt you so much that you don’t sex feels good…..NEW FLASH: IT’S SUPPOSED TO!! It’s how partners connect. Yes you can do it without physical touch, but it’s supposed to lead to that.

I’m not an expert by any means but I will say I had a lot of great examples in life. But also remember, I am the woman who never thought she would have had this amazing life changing experience. I’m not perfect and he isn’t either but we both fight to make this work in a positive way for as long as we both should live.

#Lessonlearned: Improving dating In the 21st Century

I know….I know! You’re thinking “Girl aren’t you married” and “This has nothing to do with improving any type of relationships”. But, let’s think about the purpose of dating apps, they are supposed to deliver potential partners to singles in their area What you really get is a modge podge of foolishness. If dating apps did what they advertise then we would have more successful relationships. Instead you get a site that allows con artists, criminals, creeps, perverts and the like to prey on those who are just looking for suitable companions. Yes….why yes, I have had my fair share of foolishness on dating app (check out the post When did the Roles Reverse).This is my way of telling dating apps and sites that they need to do better!

Automatic background checks

This headline alone says it all: Dating App Killer . He used a popular dating site to lure unsuspecting women in, and well you can read about the rest. The issue is he had a past of violence against women. I feel that in order to cut down on issues like this there should be a link to a county’s arrests records. Sounds Big Brother-ish, but this will cut down on the amount of criminal activity that can happen when using dating apps. And it’s already avaliable for free!

Marital status check

Read these words as I type: STAY OFF DATING APPS IF YOU ARE MARRIED!!!! Aht aht!! Stop dating while married. You’re ruining it for the rest of the single folks and giving them trust issues. If you want to cheat they have an app for that, use that one. Stop it!! Dating apps can link county records to find marriage and divorce decrees. I am just now figuring this out, and it could have saved me a lot of frustration when I was in the dating game.

Employment/ entrepreneurial status

I understand employment status should not mean you can’t date. If you don’t have to work, that’s one thing. If all you have to offer is penis or vagina, then you should really just focus on yourself. There should be a way to check this. If there is a way to check someone’s living situation you can definitely check who they say they are employed with, or even if they have a valid DBA.

5 latest post on social media

In this day and age social media is a great indicator of someone’s personality. Yes, I know you are thinking people aren’t their true selves on social media, but it does give you a glimpse into the way their mind works. Seeing a person’s social media can help you see a persons interests or if they are just posers (fake woke, extreme right, sexist, etc).

Rating system after each date

I don’t know how fair this would be, nor do I care. I think you should be able to rate the person honestly after the first encounter. Of course, it would be based on certain criteria, and then there should be an overall experience rating. If you’ve watched the show Four Weddings then you know what I’m talking about. The people with the lowest ratings get kicked off the app. I don’t care some people just shouldn’t date.
You have to do a little searching on your own. Be diligent about who you date and what you’re getting yourself into.
Resource Link: Harris County Records

#LessonsLearned I Failed at….

 

 

Happy April!! I have missed you guys since the last post. But here we are back together again. I want to talk about something that very few of us like to talk about. Failure!!! The big F word. I wrote an earlier post about recovering from failure. Failure can be a driving factor to succeed or to do nothing. Most of the times we run from failure because it’s not fun to say we didn’t get the desired outcome. failure is the biggest teacher in life. It has taught me so many lessons, most were quiet and no one really noticed. Some were public and embarrassing. What I have learned is this, when you fail it’s not the end of the world. So here are some areas where I royally blew it and how it taught me to succeed and do better.

Failure at Explaining myself

A long time ago I felt it was necessary to explain my intentions. I wanted people to hear why I did xyz and what my emotional, physical and metaphysical reasoning for a decision that had nothing to do with anybody but me. I felt I needed the world to know my intentions for my every move. You know what happened…..I was still misunderstood. People would still get their panties in a bunch or twist my words to seem negative.
So I stopped. I started making moves without answering others questions. Writing this blog, my move. Starting a podcast….my move. It was liberating. I stopped worrying what people were thinking about my decisions and actions and just started living. It helped me to make important without asking for permission. I guess this leads into the next one…..

Failure at Living up to others expectations

Lord knows I tried my hardest to fit into boxes others molded for my life. I really did, but it wasn’t comfortable. It always felt a pair of shoes that were ill fit. Just felt odd, like I was wearing a mask. It wasn’t until one day I looked in the mirror and cried because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I was uptight, stressed, and closed minded. How could I love anybody else if I didn’t love myself enough to be myself?
I began to take suggestions about how and what I should have been doing with a grain of salt. Sure I have the degrees and titles but what would be the purpose of acting like I was better than anyone I was trying to serve? So I began to make sure that I was happy with who I was to myself and others. Did I care if I met others’ expectations…nope. This is my life to live not theirs, and I am going to live it being true to myself.

Failure at Checking and responding to email

This one may not seem as deep as the others but let me help you out. Important information comes through my personal, work and business email daily. If I don’t check either one with consistency AND follow up it could mean loss of a sponsor, missed parent/student communication, missed opportunities, and the worst missed money. I actually lost a job because I didn’t follow up with an email. Yes missed money all because I didn’t take the time out to read.
Now I check my email three times a day. I make sure I follow up with my school’s administration, my parents, my readers/listeners, and other opportunities. As of now some of those don’t pan out but the majority of the time they do. So I make it a point to employ a 24 hour rule when it comes to email communication. I flag unanswered emails and make sure they are priority. The age we are in now, email is a vital part of effective communication. I will never drop the ball like that again.

What have you failed at that has made you more successful now? Please comment the lessons you have learned from failure. I love to know what you have done to progress into a better person.