#Lessonslearned Self Destructive Behaviors Is What I Used To Do

self destruction

Hey hey kids!!! I am still here, still going strong. #30daysofblogging has been a completely amazing journey. Day 15 is in full effect and the halfway mark. I had to take a brief break to recover from the weekend. No I wasn’t kickin it (lol waiting until the Girls Trip 2019), but Chris had his first catering job. I am super proud of him and the amazing job he did. If you are in the Houston/Dallas area and you need amazing food made by a professional chef contact All or Nunn Catering. He does food prep, intimate date nights and large parties. Okay enough with me gushing over bae, let’s talk about self destructive behaviors.

Since I started this blog I have been fighting some bad habits and behaviors. I knew I had to change some self destructive tendencies I had adapted into my life. Why, because they just made it easier to traverse through life. Now just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s right…and that’s my TED talk 🤷🏾‍♀️. I kid, but I’m going to be transparent about my foolishness.

Negative Self Talk

I wrote an entry earlier this year about the damage of negative self talk and how to move forward. Negative self talk is a cancer to your life. I know for a fact that the majority of my other self destructive tendencies stem from this one right here. Think about it, if you have nothing positive to say about yourself how can you believe what anyone else says about you. I used negative self talk to beat others negative criticism about me, and the crazy thing is that no one else was doing it but me. I had to shift my way of thinking about myself in order to appreciate the things that I have been doing as much as everyone else around me.

Failing to Take Action

I used to be the queen of planning things but never moving past the plan. So much so I was being honored with an award and right before I told everyone who was supposed to show up that I wasn’t coming. Why, because of failure to action. I didn’t want to do it because it would bring attention to me. And by bringing attention to me people would see that I wasn’t worth the award. Now do you see that stupid way of thinking? Just dumb….I don’t want to act because it will bring attention to me.

Oh here’s another one I fail to act because I’m afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I will not act. Therefore I wouldn’t know if my idea would work or not because I DIDN’T ACT. What foolishness is this. I’m in a rut because I refused to act and it’s no one else’s fault but mine. Chillleeee if y’all don’t give me an offering after this…..LAWD. My book is not done yet because of fear of failure. I don’t do Facebook/IG live because of fear of failure. I don’t act so I DON’T SUCCEED.

Hiding From Emotion

I was the emotionless queen for a while. I didn’t have appropriate emotional responses to certain situations. Instead of being sad anger was the only response I could show when I was hurt. I never cried l and I only showed love to my family and really close friends. And when I did cry it was usually because I was so angry and I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. How confusing is was this to others? Honestly I was the epitome of the stereotypical “Angry Black Woman”.

I started to see the effect it had on my relationships and knew I had to change. I realized showing emotions was not weakness and angry does not make me strong (but it did make me look crazy).

Sabotaging Relationships

Hello my name is Janae and I used to utterly DE-STROY relationships. You don’t do something I like? Gone. I get a bad vibe….skert skert (sorry I’m listening to Migos lol). Why, I think it has to do with showing emotions and being vulnerable. I didn’t want ANYONE think that they could do anything to hurt me. So relationships l, for me, were only temporary and based on my needs getting satisfied. Sure the other person might have thought I was being sweet and caring, but in reality I was counting down to the days I would ghost them (I didn’t say I have always been a great person). I didn’t learn it was possible to have a healthy relationship until I started to work on myself. That was when I decided to stop sabotaging my relationship with myself so that I could actually have healthy relationships with others.

That’s what this blog and podcast are all about. I really want people to see that I know where you’re coming from and I can get you to where you want to go. Life is hard, but when you add self inflicted pain from self destructive behaviors it becomes sad and lonely. Do yourself a favor and let that stuff go. You need to drop your guard and have healthy boundaries.

 

#LessonsLearned: My 2 Dads and My Daddy Issues

My two Dads

Day 10 of the #30daysofblogging challenge and I am officially doing so much better. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If anything it means I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I love this journey that I have taken. I fill so much more fulfilled and encouraged. Thank you to all of those who have been reading my foolishness I really appreciate it. Now this entry is near and dear to my heart. So with having two dads I still had daddy issues. It wasn’t until I got older, and started this scam of adulting, did I begin to understand that my dads had to be take off the pedestal that I had put them on. As life happened to me it allowed me to see that life was happening to them but I was around to see it.

My two dads, both named Bruce, are amazing people. No they are not perfect but they each had a chance to sow into my life and honestly they still do. I think God did this on purpose because seriously who else in the world would have two dads with the same name raising a very strong willed, independent little girl. I needed that male guidance in my life to ensure that I didn’t think all men were trash.

Just Regular

Now having two dads did not stop me from having daddy issues, I wish. Nope, they were just trying to be the best dads they could be. Let me say this again this is in NO WAY bashing them. My father’s are m&*^f&*((*& amazing. I would absolutely go to war for them on any given day ( which means you will die). The biggest lesson I had to learn is that they were human, regular black men who are just trying to make it in this world. The world that sees them as a danger no matter how good, how loving, how innocent they are. They were trying to protect their families and themselves from all the dangers that were are right outside the front door.

Not Superheroes

As much as I wanted to believe that they weren’t, they were just regular men trying to live. I think all little girls believe that their dads are the superest of superheroes. We want to believe that they are above the cares of the world and their one and only job is to make us happy. Well my friends that is not the case. Dads are just men who are trying to make it the best way they can in this world. Fathers have the almost equally as tough as being a mom:they have to provide, protect, nurture and be a man. There’s no manual to that stuff. They feel just like everyone else. They hurt, they love, they mourn and when no one is looking they cry. Dads aren’t faster than a speeding bullet, they aren’t super strong, or have laser eyes. They are humans who make human mistakes.

I appreciate you

I appreciate them and all they have done for me. As I got older I all the resentment I had for the little things  went away. As an adult I understand that some things they were just working out for themselves. They had life trauma they needed to work through just like me but the difference is seeing a therapist is more acceptable now than back then. Mental health is now a priority and not some thing that people look down upon.

Say Something

If you haven’t gotten anything out of this you need to understand this: if your dad was present, supportive and loving in his own way, then you had a great father figure. Now this is in now way excusing s&*^)# behavior from anyone. If your dad sucked beyond measure, if he was absent or abusive call him out on it. Why, because you have a right to confront the issue. With that being said, I would definitely love to thank my 2 dads. My Bruces (lol) for all the love and support that they could give to me. I know you weren’t perfect and neither am I but I do appreciate you.

Well this entry was short and to the point lol I don’t want to belabor the point. Make sure you like, subscribe comment and share. It’s always appreciated. Also visit this link to listen to the podcast or get Confessions From A Red Couch merch. Day 11 will probably be just a quick update of things that have changed in the past 10 days since I started the challenge.

 

#lessonslearned: What About Your Friends….

I don’t know if ya’ll are going to get tired of me or not but here I am again. If you are new and reading then let me catch you up. In order to fight this battle against depression I am doing #30daysofblogging challenge. I am just trying to make sure I stay productive, transparent and true to myself. It’s really exciting to look forward to creating something new and committing to it each day. This entry is dedicated to some of the most influential people in my life, my friends. As the popular 90’s girls group would say “What about your frieeeennnnnndddddssss”. I posted an article on my Facebook account that talked about how the majority of your friends really don’t like you. Which is inconceivable (Name that movie in the comments lol) but I believe it.

I love each and everyone even the ones who judge and talk about me behind my back. Why, because at some place in their inner core they are still who they were when I met them. Now does this mean I deal with them the same, hell no. Did you not just read that first line? Just because I love someone does not mean that I can trust them. Baby life has shown me that when a person has shown you their actions believe that and not their lip service. I digress….this is not about that. I just want to talk about the different type of friendships you may encounter in life and some of the pitfalls that can come between the relationship if you let it.

The Childhood Friend:

This is your friend who has known you since before you could even think about adulting. The friend who can recall when you got your first bra, period, boyfriend and heartache. This is the friend who knows your secrets and will take them to the grave. She/He will have your back until the end and will never let anything come between your friendship….unless. The hard thing about this type of friendship is it hurts when they change on you and I’m not talking about the good kind of change. What destroys this relationship is when one of the parties begins to feel like you aren’t doing what they feel you should do.Quote about friendship

They stop being true themselves and you. They can’t accept the positive changes that are happening in your life because they want you to stay the exact same. If you get to this point make sure you try to rectify the situation and bring it to their attention. This friend will either hear you out and see your truth OR they will just continue to live the lie that they have created for themselves.

Friends Made In Crisis:

This is a friendship that’s starts through crisis. Through some kind of tragic life event and they support you through it. They offer amazing advice, a shoulder to cry on, or just a listening ear. These friendships create strong support systems. Now they hard part is can this friendship stand times of peace. This is usually when crisis friendships end. They can’t last unless something crucial is happening.

Co-worker Friends:

It is hard to make have friendships in the place where you work. often times you just want to go to work and go home. In the event where you do make friends with co-workers, it can make your work day go by with less stress and more support. No the downfall of this can be if that co-worker friend doesn’t know how to separate work from personal. It’s when they step outside the lines and bring up something extremely personal in front of other co-workers who don’t know personal details. This is when you have to set boundaries. Co-worker friends need to know everybody is not invited to the friendship party.

First Time Hit It Off Friends:

I honestly love these type of friends, they can be the BEST friends ever or your worst enemies (don’t judge me, I like a gamble). You meet a person at a gathering and you know immediately that ya’ll are just going to kick it forever in life. A month later you are on a girls trip like you’ve known each other for all of your life. The best thing about these type of friendships is that there’s no preconceived ideas about anything. Get to know that person for who they are and not what they used to be. Now this friendship can still be a little dicey. I mean sociopaths are charismatic when you first meet them. So you may have to slow things down to make sure they are who they say they are.

Friends by Association:

These aren’t really friends but they are friends of friends so they must be cool right. Ugghhh nope not at all. You have to be really careful, they could just be using someone else in the friend group. With this type of friendship I would keep my distance and get to know the person before you truly call them a real friend.

Well I hope this was informative. I can think of one person in each of these categories and how the friendship has impacted my life. I feel if you don’t have friends you need to evaluate your life and to see what is causing you to be so closed off. Friends are there to love you, support you, make bad decisions with and tell you about yourself. How can you grow as a person if you don’t have that in your life? Make sure you tune into the podcast next week. I think I am actually going to make it a viewer’s choice episode because I need something lighthearted and fun in my life.

#lessonslearned I Wanna Do Over

Have you ever wondered what if your life went different? The “What ifs” are sometimes what keeps us moving forward in life. I always wonder what would happen if things went a tad bit different. I get that my past has shaped who I am today, but I still some times have a few “What if” questions that stay in the back of my mind. There are things in my life that I am extremely proud of: 2 Master’s in Education, owned my home home before 30, an amazing family, great sister friends, etc. I just really wanna do over!!!

Do Over: No credit card at 18….

I promise I am so happy that universities have stopped credit card companies from preying on college students. Now my credit card usage was okay, but that was a lot of responsibility to hand to me at 18. I didn’t turn 18 until the first day of classes my freshman year in college. My parents taught me a little about credit: make sure to pay your bills on time and not missing payments. To hand a high rate card to an unsuspecting immature 18 year old is like giving a gun to a baby. It’s not fair.

Do Over: No serious relationships until 21….

Okay this one is a reach but hear me out. I was really not ready for the relationship I had in college. I was still trying to find myself. Doing that and trying to date was craziness. Most of the fights we had were mostly because we were fighting to let our true self to be heard. I remember when we broke up I was sad because I knew I was losing a friend but I was free. There was a freedom to discover

the things I liked and disliked. A freedom to express myself the way I wanted and not try to keep myself as 18/19 year old for the rest of my life. Check out my post The Solo Act, my journey in random situationships.

Do Over: I would have JUST did it

I held myself back from a lot of things because of others.There was an invitation to try out for the US bobsled team, but I let my relationship keep me in Missouri. I was invited to go on an

backpacking tour out of the country but I stayed. It was always a struggle between making sure everybody else was okay and my feelings. Instead of doing what I do now, NOW I just act and think more about how it will bring value to my life. At the end of the day that’s all that really matters, how I feel about my life and how it turns out is the only thing that matters in the end
This “What ifs” are the reason why I live my life the way I do now. No more regrets, no more welllll, I’m just living my life to the fullest. I’m sure people don’t like but IDGAFF…..I’m going to make sure what I do honors me and makes this world freaking amazing. Check out the podcast and go look at some of the new MERCH!!

#lessonslearned: 5 ways I stay motivated

Look sis…..this month has been crazy. I am a TEACHER in May and let me tell you I am on edge. I’m not focused, I am just trying to get my students to finish out the school year  and ON TOP of I’m trying to get this business off the ground. I’m overwhelmed and under motivated. Here are some ways I make sure that I can stay motivated and continue to be productive.

1. I schedule my month

I have learned to schedule my months. Since I am now an entrepreneur and work full time, I have to have some way of staying afloat. Planning out my month helps me know what needs to be written, what needs to be posted, and what I need to do for my actual job. I can look at it as a guide and know if I’m falling behind. Currently….I’m falling behind.

2. I randomly ignore that schedule (lol)

Yep sometimes you have to step away from that beautifully organized schedule. Of course I know it’s full of motivational quotes, positive affirmations, little doodles of flowers and stars and hearts, but it can still get overwhelming. Which brings me to my next point…..

3. I look at the big picture of the project and attack the smaller tasks.

You have to step away when you get frustrated. Look at the end result of what you are trying to accomplish. Take a look at your checklist, see what small things you have done and can do. Attack those smaller things that don’t need a lot of thought. Creating graphics, writing a thank you email, etc….these are things that don’t usually take a lot of thought and can be completed to meet your end goal.

4. I step away when I get frustrated or stuck.

The project will be there but you need to get a refresher. There are those whose mind can be productive for a certain amount of time. It all depends on the person. But if you’re feeling frustrated, take a break. Step away, go workout, go eat….do something that has nothing to do with your project. Your brains has become overwhelmed and you need to remove yourself for a little bit.

Maybe, as my Nana used to say, you just need to take a nap. On episode 003 of my podcast we talked about the importance getting rest. When things get confusing just take a nap, it helps your body and mind restart. Who knows you may even get inspiration from a dream that will help you become more motivated.

5. I check in with someone about my progress

I love to have people I can confide in about things I am doing who are GENUINELY invested in what I am trying to do. When I run my ideas by them they will give good advice and that’s what I need them for…good advice.. They can tell me if I’m on the wrong track, if I’m about to knock it out of the park, or if I need to tweak something to fit my idea. There’s nothing wrong with using your support circle, that’s what they are therefore and they should keep you motivated.

This is how I keep going with everything else that is happening in life. Sure I may ignore one aspect fro a little too long but that is why I have a support system that helps me get right back into place. When it’s all said and done it’s still my responsibility to continue to stay motivated and move forward.

#Lessonlearned: Improving dating In the 21st Century

I know….I know! You’re thinking “Girl aren’t you married” and “This has nothing to do with improving any type of relationships”. But, let’s think about the purpose of dating apps, they are supposed to deliver potential partners to singles in their area What you really get is a modge podge of foolishness. If dating apps did what they advertise then we would have more successful relationships. Instead you get a site that allows con artists, criminals, creeps, perverts and the like to prey on those who are just looking for suitable companions. Yes….why yes, I have had my fair share of foolishness on dating app (check out the post When did the Roles Reverse).This is my way of telling dating apps and sites that they need to do better!

Automatic background checks

This headline alone says it all: Dating App Killer . He used a popular dating site to lure unsuspecting women in, and well you can read about the rest. The issue is he had a past of violence against women. I feel that in order to cut down on issues like this there should be a link to a county’s arrests records. Sounds Big Brother-ish, but this will cut down on the amount of criminal activity that can happen when using dating apps. And it’s already avaliable for free!

Marital status check

Read these words as I type: STAY OFF DATING APPS IF YOU ARE MARRIED!!!! Aht aht!! Stop dating while married. You’re ruining it for the rest of the single folks and giving them trust issues. If you want to cheat they have an app for that, use that one. Stop it!! Dating apps can link county records to find marriage and divorce decrees. I am just now figuring this out, and it could have saved me a lot of frustration when I was in the dating game.

Employment/ entrepreneurial status

I understand employment status should not mean you can’t date. If you don’t have to work, that’s one thing. If all you have to offer is penis or vagina, then you should really just focus on yourself. There should be a way to check this. If there is a way to check someone’s living situation you can definitely check who they say they are employed with, or even if they have a valid DBA.

5 latest post on social media

In this day and age social media is a great indicator of someone’s personality. Yes, I know you are thinking people aren’t their true selves on social media, but it does give you a glimpse into the way their mind works. Seeing a person’s social media can help you see a persons interests or if they are just posers (fake woke, extreme right, sexist, etc).

Rating system after each date

I don’t know how fair this would be, nor do I care. I think you should be able to rate the person honestly after the first encounter. Of course, it would be based on certain criteria, and then there should be an overall experience rating. If you’ve watched the show Four Weddings then you know what I’m talking about. The people with the lowest ratings get kicked off the app. I don’t care some people just shouldn’t date.
You have to do a little searching on your own. Be diligent about who you date and what you’re getting yourself into.
Resource Link: Harris County Records

#LessonsLearned I Failed at….

 

 

Happy April!! I have missed you guys since the last post. But here we are back together again. I want to talk about something that very few of us like to talk about. Failure!!! The big F word. I wrote an earlier post about recovering from failure. Failure can be a driving factor to succeed or to do nothing. Most of the times we run from failure because it’s not fun to say we didn’t get the desired outcome. failure is the biggest teacher in life. It has taught me so many lessons, most were quiet and no one really noticed. Some were public and embarrassing. What I have learned is this, when you fail it’s not the end of the world. So here are some areas where I royally blew it and how it taught me to succeed and do better.

Failure at Explaining myself

A long time ago I felt it was necessary to explain my intentions. I wanted people to hear why I did xyz and what my emotional, physical and metaphysical reasoning for a decision that had nothing to do with anybody but me. I felt I needed the world to know my intentions for my every move. You know what happened…..I was still misunderstood. People would still get their panties in a bunch or twist my words to seem negative.
So I stopped. I started making moves without answering others questions. Writing this blog, my move. Starting a podcast….my move. It was liberating. I stopped worrying what people were thinking about my decisions and actions and just started living. It helped me to make important without asking for permission. I guess this leads into the next one…..

Failure at Living up to others expectations

Lord knows I tried my hardest to fit into boxes others molded for my life. I really did, but it wasn’t comfortable. It always felt a pair of shoes that were ill fit. Just felt odd, like I was wearing a mask. It wasn’t until one day I looked in the mirror and cried because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. I was uptight, stressed, and closed minded. How could I love anybody else if I didn’t love myself enough to be myself?
I began to take suggestions about how and what I should have been doing with a grain of salt. Sure I have the degrees and titles but what would be the purpose of acting like I was better than anyone I was trying to serve? So I began to make sure that I was happy with who I was to myself and others. Did I care if I met others’ expectations…nope. This is my life to live not theirs, and I am going to live it being true to myself.

Failure at Checking and responding to email

This one may not seem as deep as the others but let me help you out. Important information comes through my personal, work and business email daily. If I don’t check either one with consistency AND follow up it could mean loss of a sponsor, missed parent/student communication, missed opportunities, and the worst missed money. I actually lost a job because I didn’t follow up with an email. Yes missed money all because I didn’t take the time out to read.
Now I check my email three times a day. I make sure I follow up with my school’s administration, my parents, my readers/listeners, and other opportunities. As of now some of those don’t pan out but the majority of the time they do. So I make it a point to employ a 24 hour rule when it comes to email communication. I flag unanswered emails and make sure they are priority. The age we are in now, email is a vital part of effective communication. I will never drop the ball like that again.

What have you failed at that has made you more successful now? Please comment the lessons you have learned from failure. I love to know what you have done to progress into a better person.

 

#lessonslearned Guide to Ending Toxic Relationships

Hey kids!!! Welcome back to another session on the red couch. To my faithful readers, I thank you once again for returning for more of my ramblings. To my new readers I would like to say welcome and thank you for reading. Now let’s take this ride together and see what happens.

Toxic relationships,no matter how much we try to avoid them, happen. Whether it’s family, friends or a significant other we have all encountered at least one toxic relationship. But here’s the truth you don’t always hear…..YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY IN IT!! You have an absolute right to make sure your peace is never disrupted and no one EVER has a right to take that away from you, doesn’t matter who it is (stop letting your mama/daddy drive you crazy).
Here are ways to identify a toxic relationship

  • You are always the one giving in the relationship: You are giving the rides. You are paying for everything. You are giving emotional and physical support. You do all the giving and they suck it all up like a vacuum cleaner, never giving you anything in return but fake compliments and a raggedy thank you….sometimes.

  • They never show up when you need them: Got something special you want them to come to….well it ain’t happening. They will give you every excuse in the book why they can’t support you and it’s mainly because they can’t make it about them.

  • Can we say issa NARCISSIST?!?!! If it ain’t about them then it doesn’t matter.

  • Never ending drama that’s never their fault. So you start to notice their stories are always filled with drama about how someone did them wrong? They always make sure they look like the innocent one in the story, which means they leave out what they did in the situation.

I’m pretty sure you can identify at least one person that you call a friend, family member or significant other that has taken you on the toxic rollercoaster. I’ve been on that ride a time or two, but I realized that I didn’t need any of that foolishness in my life. So I began to reevaluate the relationships and took steps to get out (I stopped casting my pearls to the swine).

  • I affirmed my decisions to leave that person alone. Look at some point I knew if I wavered then I would get stuck in the same toxic cycle. I allowed myself to be okay with letting it go.

  • I set boundaries. Honey when they tried to come with weak apologies and empty promises I countered with what I wasn’t EVER going to allow them to do. Call it an ultimatum if you want but I knew they couldn’t stand up to those boundaries. It helped me to protect myself and my peace.

  • I had an understanding that things were ending with that individual because it was about me and my peace and not about them or their feelings.

  • I made sure I was less dependent of that person and their lack of support. I could support and love myself so much more than they ever could.

  • I surrounded myself with positive individuals that I knew would support and love me just like I would support and love them.

Toxic relationships are real and they do affect the majority of us. The key thing to do is to identify the toxic relationship and get out of it as soon as you can.

Thanks for reading!! I hope this helps you or someone else you know. Make sure you follow me on social media to get access to the live podcast that records biweekly. This week I will be talking about this exact subject with my good friend and guest Kimbrella ❤

IG: @RedCouchConfessions

Facebook: @confessionsfromaredcouch

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#Lessonlearned Confessions from the life of a Former Control Freak

Hey kids!!! I’m back from one of the greatest experiences in my life. I married my best friend and gained even more amazing family. Goodness the amount of love I felt on that day was just indescribable. It’s funny that it was only about 3 years ago when I thought I could never feel or would never allow myself to feel the love that I feel every single day now. It took some time, work, and prayer to get me to where I am today. Please believe I am so happy I’m here.

Okay, for all this “growth” let’s talk about where I came from. Not because I want to dwell in the past but I want to remember where I never want to go back to.

My life as a control freak or the politically correct term “type A personality” was absolutely full of umm stress and anxiety. It was utterly exhausting trying to control every single thing around me. At times I knew I looked like a crazy woman. Always trying to control my family to do what I wanted. Always wanting my students and athletes to be the best EVEN if it meant not giving an inch to let them actually have fun (well not my athletes…I made sure they had a good time 🤷🏾‍♀️ call me biased).

I knew changes had to be made and fast. Things were so bad that I couldn’t control my emotions. I could never have the appropriate emotional response to situations. I would laugh when I should have been sad. Instead of expressing my anxiety I would become enraged or just flat out break down. It was so bad I couldn’t even celebrate joyous occasions, always thinking the worst would happen instead of just enjoying the moment.

So here are ways that I began to deal with the control life:

1. I stopped thinking I knew how others would react. The dumbest thing in the world is trying to predict others reactions. You are not them (I had to scream this to myself in the mirror). Everyone is not you and you are not them. How you react to a situation is not the same way someone else will. Stop thinking you can control people’s reactions.

2. Stop making up situations in your head. It’s not reality its your own imagination. If you have a negative way of thinking then chances are EVERY situation you come up with is going to end horribly. For me this is so I wouldn’t get my hopes too high if things didn’t go my way which is utterly ridiculous because nothing has really been a life ending experience. Might not have felt good going through some things but I’m still here.

3. You can’t control people’s feelings about you. I have written a post about not being everybody’s cup of tea and there’s nothing you can do about it. And guess what most times you can’t change it, but it has nothing to do with you. You have to be able to keep on living regardless of the thoughts others have about you.

4. You can only control what you have direct influence over. Your thoughts, your actions, your emotions and your response. That’s it!! You can’t control anything else but this. So why not make sure all of these are filled with positivity, genuineness, truth and love. That’s all you can control.

Once I began living a this truth my life started changing for the better. Do I still have to remind myself of these things….umm yeah. It’s easy to fall back into the same pit falls but I don’t stay in them. I keep moving forward one day at a time.

Life with Him

We did it lol ❤

#lessonslearned: The Great Beginning

Hey kids!!! I kinda of jumped in this series #lessonslearned without really giving a background of why I even started this blog in the first place. So let’s go back down memory lane *cues Back down Memory Lane by Minnie Riperton* (Awwww yeah)

Confessions From A Red Couch was born out of frustration. I was frustrated with life. My job sucked, my relationship was dying, my mental health sucked and it was affecting my physical health. I was having frequent debilitating panic attacks and migraine headaches. I had lost some of my pillars of strength in life. I had just been diagnosed with a blood clot that appeared out of thin air. My hope was gone. My faith was gone. I couldn’t pray….matter of fact I didn’t even know what to pray. I was mad at everyone including God and felt there was no where to turn (depressing right).

So one Saturday night when I was confined to my house (Dr ordered time at home) I figured I would change my surroundings in the house. So I went to my library/front room (I call it the creamsicle room) and sat on my red couch and started writing EVERYTHING I was feeling that would have led me to commit suicide in that room. Every hurt, every pain, every frustration, EVERYTHING. I would cry, write and sleep (this was the cycle for 2 days) and when I finished I finally prayed. I finally opened my mouth and talked to God. I finally let God heal my heart and dry my tears. I finally let go and at the moment of release God presented me with the name “Confessions From the Red Couch”.

Now it still wasn’t easy. I always thought who in the world could want to read my ramblings. Who would actually read this foolishness? No one will be able to relate to me and my own personal pity party. Everytime I would write an entry someone would inbox me saying how my transparency helped them. Someone would always send an email about how they don’t feel alone in their situation.

I never expected this blog to really be anything, just a place to rant, but it helped save my life. God allowed me an outlet for not only me but for others. Am I rich from blogging? Nope. Do I do this for monetary gain? I want to some day, but for now I’m writing for the simple fact that I owe it to God to share my experiences with others. Are things better now than when I first started blogging? Yep, but it’s not perfect, and I’m okay with that. I’ve learned so much about myself and how to maneuver through life a little bit better.

Well….that’s all folks lol I really appreciate those who have stuck with me as a have traversed this thing called life for the past 4 years. Yall have stuck with me through a lot and for that I am thankful. Since the holiday season is upon us I’m only going to post once in November and December. I really need to spend time with my family and loved ones without any distractions. 2019 be ready for a totally revamped blog, a new podcast and some good old “merch” (aka merchandise). I love you guys be safe and keep being amazing ❤

I said yes to my dress all while being bossy lol
My blessings right here…..my hearts ❤
Me and my love…..✊🏾 Forever