#Lessonslearned Self Destructive Behaviors Is What I Used To Do

self destruction

Hey hey kids!!! I am still here, still going strong. #30daysofblogging has been a completely amazing journey. Day 15 is in full effect and the halfway mark. I had to take a brief break to recover from the weekend. No I wasn’t kickin it (lol waiting until the Girls Trip 2019), but Chris had his first catering job. I am super proud of him and the amazing job he did. If you are in the Houston/Dallas area and you need amazing food made by a professional chef contact All or Nunn Catering. He does food prep, intimate date nights and large parties. Okay enough with me gushing over bae, let’s talk about self destructive behaviors.

Since I started this blog I have been fighting some bad habits and behaviors. I knew I had to change some self destructive tendencies I had adapted into my life. Why, because they just made it easier to traverse through life. Now just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s right…and that’s my TED talk 🤷🏾‍♀️. I kid, but I’m going to be transparent about my foolishness.

Negative Self Talk

I wrote an entry earlier this year about the damage of negative self talk and how to move forward. Negative self talk is a cancer to your life. I know for a fact that the majority of my other self destructive tendencies stem from this one right here. Think about it, if you have nothing positive to say about yourself how can you believe what anyone else says about you. I used negative self talk to beat others negative criticism about me, and the crazy thing is that no one else was doing it but me. I had to shift my way of thinking about myself in order to appreciate the things that I have been doing as much as everyone else around me.

Failing to Take Action

I used to be the queen of planning things but never moving past the plan. So much so I was being honored with an award and right before I told everyone who was supposed to show up that I wasn’t coming. Why, because of failure to action. I didn’t want to do it because it would bring attention to me. And by bringing attention to me people would see that I wasn’t worth the award. Now do you see that stupid way of thinking? Just dumb….I don’t want to act because it will bring attention to me.

Oh here’s another one I fail to act because I’m afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I will not act. Therefore I wouldn’t know if my idea would work or not because I DIDN’T ACT. What foolishness is this. I’m in a rut because I refused to act and it’s no one else’s fault but mine. Chillleeee if y’all don’t give me an offering after this…..LAWD. My book is not done yet because of fear of failure. I don’t do Facebook/IG live because of fear of failure. I don’t act so I DON’T SUCCEED.

Hiding From Emotion

I was the emotionless queen for a while. I didn’t have appropriate emotional responses to certain situations. Instead of being sad anger was the only response I could show when I was hurt. I never cried l and I only showed love to my family and really close friends. And when I did cry it was usually because I was so angry and I knew I couldn’t do anything about it. How confusing is was this to others? Honestly I was the epitome of the stereotypical “Angry Black Woman”.

I started to see the effect it had on my relationships and knew I had to change. I realized showing emotions was not weakness and angry does not make me strong (but it did make me look crazy).

Sabotaging Relationships

Hello my name is Janae and I used to utterly DE-STROY relationships. You don’t do something I like? Gone. I get a bad vibe….skert skert (sorry I’m listening to Migos lol). Why, I think it has to do with showing emotions and being vulnerable. I didn’t want ANYONE think that they could do anything to hurt me. So relationships l, for me, were only temporary and based on my needs getting satisfied. Sure the other person might have thought I was being sweet and caring, but in reality I was counting down to the days I would ghost them (I didn’t say I have always been a great person). I didn’t learn it was possible to have a healthy relationship until I started to work on myself. That was when I decided to stop sabotaging my relationship with myself so that I could actually have healthy relationships with others.

That’s what this blog and podcast are all about. I really want people to see that I know where you’re coming from and I can get you to where you want to go. Life is hard, but when you add self inflicted pain from self destructive behaviors it becomes sad and lonely. Do yourself a favor and let that stuff go. You need to drop your guard and have healthy boundaries.

 

#LessonsLearned: My 2 Dads and My Daddy Issues

My two Dads

Day 10 of the #30daysofblogging challenge and I am officially doing so much better. No, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. If anything it means I need to keep doing what I’m doing. I love this journey that I have taken. I fill so much more fulfilled and encouraged. Thank you to all of those who have been reading my foolishness I really appreciate it. Now this entry is near and dear to my heart. So with having two dads I still had daddy issues. It wasn’t until I got older, and started this scam of adulting, did I begin to understand that my dads had to be take off the pedestal that I had put them on. As life happened to me it allowed me to see that life was happening to them but I was around to see it.

My two dads, both named Bruce, are amazing people. No they are not perfect but they each had a chance to sow into my life and honestly they still do. I think God did this on purpose because seriously who else in the world would have two dads with the same name raising a very strong willed, independent little girl. I needed that male guidance in my life to ensure that I didn’t think all men were trash.

Just Regular

Now having two dads did not stop me from having daddy issues, I wish. Nope, they were just trying to be the best dads they could be. Let me say this again this is in NO WAY bashing them. My father’s are m&*^f&*((*& amazing. I would absolutely go to war for them on any given day ( which means you will die). The biggest lesson I had to learn is that they were human, regular black men who are just trying to make it in this world. The world that sees them as a danger no matter how good, how loving, how innocent they are. They were trying to protect their families and themselves from all the dangers that were are right outside the front door.

Not Superheroes

As much as I wanted to believe that they weren’t, they were just regular men trying to live. I think all little girls believe that their dads are the superest of superheroes. We want to believe that they are above the cares of the world and their one and only job is to make us happy. Well my friends that is not the case. Dads are just men who are trying to make it the best way they can in this world. Fathers have the almost equally as tough as being a mom:they have to provide, protect, nurture and be a man. There’s no manual to that stuff. They feel just like everyone else. They hurt, they love, they mourn and when no one is looking they cry. Dads aren’t faster than a speeding bullet, they aren’t super strong, or have laser eyes. They are humans who make human mistakes.

I appreciate you

I appreciate them and all they have done for me. As I got older I all the resentment I had for the little things  went away. As an adult I understand that some things they were just working out for themselves. They had life trauma they needed to work through just like me but the difference is seeing a therapist is more acceptable now than back then. Mental health is now a priority and not some thing that people look down upon.

Say Something

If you haven’t gotten anything out of this you need to understand this: if your dad was present, supportive and loving in his own way, then you had a great father figure. Now this is in now way excusing s&*^)# behavior from anyone. If your dad sucked beyond measure, if he was absent or abusive call him out on it. Why, because you have a right to confront the issue. With that being said, I would definitely love to thank my 2 dads. My Bruces (lol) for all the love and support that they could give to me. I know you weren’t perfect and neither am I but I do appreciate you.

Well this entry was short and to the point lol I don’t want to belabor the point. Make sure you like, subscribe comment and share. It’s always appreciated. Also visit this link to listen to the podcast or get Confessions From A Red Couch merch. Day 11 will probably be just a quick update of things that have changed in the past 10 days since I started the challenge.

 

#LessonsLearned: I Don’t Have Time

I don't have time
Day 8 and away we go. Just a recap, #30daysofblogging is still going strong. I am in a better mental place AND my productivity is kicking booty. I got something I need to get off my chest though. My really good sister-friend Kimbrella uses one of my favorite phrases to state how she feels about foolishness “I DON’T HAVE TIME!!!” That’s the way I feel about certain things in life….I DON’T HAVE TIME. Anything that’s not productive or life changing is a waste of time I do not have. What’s the purpose of putting energy into things that aren’t beneficial to my life right now. I have enough on my plate as it is.
Things I DO NOT have time for:

Hyper judgmental people:

Why, WHY must we still be on this judgmental thing: Like it’s 2019, we’ve had a black president, taken multiple trips to the moon and outer space, even electric cars. People still have opinions about what others are doing with their lives. Guess what there’s more than one way to do things, so stop. Stop getting mad because people aren’t doing what you think they should do. Also how about you go judge ya mama because she probably ain’t doing nothing you want her to do either.

People who are just mean for the simple fact of being mean:

So I was looking through my comments and ratings for the podcast and somebody gave me a one star rating. Now if I wasn’t secure in myself I would have been shaken, but come on now lol 1 star hahahhaha that’s hilarious. Which leads me to this, why are you so miserable with your life that you have to make everyone else miserable? What is your purpose? Do you need a hug? Or maybe just something productive to do like actually doing something semi positive for someone else…..just maybe.

People who try to find you even though you’ve blocked them on pretty much everything:

If I block you guess what DON’T FIND ME ON ANYTHING ELSE. It means leave me alone. Don’t you find it strange that you are telling me to call you from LinkedIn and it’s not about a job opportunity. I don’t have time for your foolishness that’s why you were blocked in the first place.

People that are stuck:

Okay so you are stuck. You are in a place in your life that is uncomfortable and you don’t know your next move. We have all been there but you don’t have to stay in that position. You can make a plan and get out. It may not be easy but you can do it. Life is too short to dwell in a dead place and no one wants to constantly hear about it. So if you’re stuck…..MOVE something…anything just move.

People who lie about the most simple things:

My God in Heaven, why lie about the simplest things. Now I know sometimes people tell “white lies” to get out of tough situations, I get it. Is it right, nope but I get it. Now here’s my issue, when you lie all the freaking time for things that don’t even matter. Like I don’t get it. Here’s the issue, once you tell one lie, you have to keep lying. Look telling the truth may be hard but it’s the best way to go.
I hope this isn’t as petty as it sounded while I was typing it. But when I say I don’t have time, I mean I DON’T HAVE time. Honestly no one really has time for any of this foolishness. And neither should you. As I have told many of my students, life is too long AND too short to deal with any of the above or anything else you feel is just interfering with you living your best life. Make sure you listen to the podcast tomorrow which will be live on Facebook at 8 pm. We are going to talk about the journey to living a fulfilled life.

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#lessonslearned First Comes Love Then Marriage…Then a Kid?!?!?

My eye

Day 6 and awwaaayyyy we go!! I’m proud of myself. Never would I have thought I would have made it this long with consistency (yes I know it’s only been 6 days). I’ll talk about that in tomorrow’s entry though. Today I want to talk about my hopes and dreams of one day having a kid. I’m so happy that God blessed me with a happy marriage and 2 amazing bonus kids. I promise I will seriously hurt someone over these two. Honestly they are the reason we aren’t in a big rush to have a little chocolate bundle of joy. But I can’t help but think what the little superhero would be like (yep that what he/she will be…have you not met me?)

Now I have a couple of things that I need people to know before I even think about getting preggo.

If I don’t ask then shhhhhhhhh……

I see this all the time, people giving women unsolicited advice while they are pregnant or about raising kids. What kind of egomaniac do you have to be to do this? That person has a whole support system that are full of educated or experienced individuals. Who are you to interject ideas and opinions on anyone else? If I don’t ask you then guess what don’t tell me nothing. You may think you are helping out but you have know clue what the whole situation is behind that mother and child.

I will love on my kid as much as I want

DON’T TELL ME MY CHILD WILL BE SPOILED IF I HOLD THEM TOO MUCH. Look black babies enter this world with SEVERAL setbacks. Why would I damage that baby anymore than what the world is going to do to them? So yes I will comfort them when they are sad. No I will not let them cry it out every single time. Do you know that’s how sociopaths are created. This is how you teach your children healthy emotional relationships and attachment. Oh and I’m not just talking about if I have a girl, nope this will happen with my boy as well. We need to teach both our sons and daughters that it’s okay to show emotions and feelings. Maybe this will cut down on the amount of broken unemotional adults that are passing their brokenness to others.

They can make all the messes they want

Studies have shown that children that are allowed to make messes to discover make better connections. They become better problem solvers. You can teach babies how to be messy and how to clean. So if you come in my house and we are both covered in shaving cream or water  don’t be worried. We might be having a drum solo on all the pots in the middle of the living room, just put in the complimentary ear plugs and mind your business. My baby will know that not all messes are bad and you can clean up just about anything. This the reason why my house has never been or will ever be NOT child friendly

If they don’t want to go to you guess what….

I shouldn’t have to explain this but here we go. Kids still have a built in sensor of “I’m not comfortable” and adults seem to ignore that to make other adults feel better. I refuse to take a baby that isn’t reaching for me, why because that child isn’t comfortable around me. So don’t get offended if I don’t make my kid go to you. I will respect my child’s boundaries.

If you haven’t figured it…I’m going to be that extra parent. Just warning you now. So for those who keep asking when, just know I’m going to be super extra. Make sure you tune into the podcast this Wednesday. As always I post it to the podcast page the next day. Please make sure you subscribe and like as you watch or listen on any major listening platforms spotify, apple podcast, or google podcast  

 

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#lessonslearned I Wanna Do Over

Have you ever wondered what if your life went different? The “What ifs” are sometimes what keeps us moving forward in life. I always wonder what would happen if things went a tad bit different. I get that my past has shaped who I am today, but I still some times have a few “What if” questions that stay in the back of my mind. There are things in my life that I am extremely proud of: 2 Master’s in Education, owned my home home before 30, an amazing family, great sister friends, etc. I just really wanna do over!!!

Do Over: No credit card at 18….

I promise I am so happy that universities have stopped credit card companies from preying on college students. Now my credit card usage was okay, but that was a lot of responsibility to hand to me at 18. I didn’t turn 18 until the first day of classes my freshman year in college. My parents taught me a little about credit: make sure to pay your bills on time and not missing payments. To hand a high rate card to an unsuspecting immature 18 year old is like giving a gun to a baby. It’s not fair.

Do Over: No serious relationships until 21….

Okay this one is a reach but hear me out. I was really not ready for the relationship I had in college. I was still trying to find myself. Doing that and trying to date was craziness. Most of the fights we had were mostly because we were fighting to let our true self to be heard. I remember when we broke up I was sad because I knew I was losing a friend but I was free. There was a freedom to discover

the things I liked and disliked. A freedom to express myself the way I wanted and not try to keep myself as 18/19 year old for the rest of my life. Check out my post The Solo Act, my journey in random situationships.

Do Over: I would have JUST did it

I held myself back from a lot of things because of others.There was an invitation to try out for the US bobsled team, but I let my relationship keep me in Missouri. I was invited to go on an

backpacking tour out of the country but I stayed. It was always a struggle between making sure everybody else was okay and my feelings. Instead of doing what I do now, NOW I just act and think more about how it will bring value to my life. At the end of the day that’s all that really matters, how I feel about my life and how it turns out is the only thing that matters in the end
This “What ifs” are the reason why I live my life the way I do now. No more regrets, no more welllll, I’m just living my life to the fullest. I’m sure people don’t like but IDGAFF…..I’m going to make sure what I do honors me and makes this world freaking amazing. Check out the podcast and go look at some of the new MERCH!!

#LessonsLearned: I Want My 90s Television Back

Hey…Hello…Hi!!!

Welcome back to the red couch. Come on in and take a seat. Now we aren’t going to watch regular television. No, no, no….I hate that trash. I’m tired of seeing beautiful black women and men on television shows that encourage dissension, bitterness and utter chaos. Nope that ain’t me. I can’t tell you the last time I watched a Love and, Housewives, True… etc. All of it is garbage….like seriously I can only watch so much before I feel all that fake negative energy creep into my peace.

With that being said let me grab this wonderful Fire-stick remote so we can watch some 90s sitcoms. I’m not talking about Friends or The Nanny. Nope,

Sitting drinking my wine watching my 90s sitcoms
This is the way I watch my shows ❤

although it was great programming, they did not shape my wonderful preteen/teenage brain. I want to see television shows like A Different World and Living Single come back (and not just a reboot). I want shows that show brown men and women in a positive light. Shows that give us a better representation of what we can and should be.

Here are my reason’s as to why they need to come back:

You could see a person of color on television that wasn’t a criminal or just struggling to get by.

Of Course Tommy on Martin didn’t have a job, but you didn’t see him struggling. I loved Black 90s sitcoms for the simple fact that they showed people of color (P.O.C) thriving. They weren’t worried about living check to check or catching a case for doing something illegal. The characters in these shows were making their way. They were positive representatives of the community. They gave us younger generation a better norm to follow. We could now strive to be successful and not fall into the stereotypes that society was placing upon us.

We saw positive relationships between people of color the majority of the series.

From Whitley and Kim on A Different World to Khadijah and her girls on Living Single, we saw the characters supporting one another and offering sound loving advice. Even the men in these sitcoms showed true brotherly love. If you never watched an episode of Martin or Living Single, you are missing out on good quality brotherly love. Even through the goofiness and punch lines they showed that these characters genuinely cared for one another and wanted to see each succeed.

They supported being an entrepreneur, going to college, and even having a trade.

From Maxine Shaw attorney at law to Kimberly Reese the budding medical student, we saw a spectrum of what we could do to be successful.

It didn’t always have to be the traditional route, Khadijah James (Living Single) started her own magazine after graduating and doing odd jobs to raise capital for her investment. Overton Wakfield Jones (Living Single) graduated from trade school and became an independent contractor (handyman), Martin (Martin) became a talk show host after starting out his career as a radio DJ.

These characters helped us see there was more to being successful than just going to college. They helped us understand that no matter what you do, hustle, put in hard work, and things will happen for you. You can tell because most of us 80s/90s (early 90s like 90-93 lol) have been pushing through trying to make something of ourselves in this Orange fool’s ‘Merica. We are apart of the “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop” generation who believe in getting things done by any means necessary (well most of us).

They presented social and political issues on television

My goodness, the first time I heard about rape or date rape was on an episode of A Different World (season 2 episode 20). I saw innocent naive Freddie go out with Garth and he ignored her NO. It put me on alert. It helped me to understand my words should be respected whether I am on a date or at someone’s house. My NO will always mean NO and that was the final story. They also covered apartheid, AIDS awareness and combating the stereotypes that are held against black men and women.

Honestly, I don’t want a reboot of any of these shows. They fulfilled their purpose during their time. I just want to have more shows that focus on the Black issues in this day and age. Shout out to the writers of Insecure, Black-Ish. Boomerang, Grown-ish and Dear White People as well as various others who are trying to bring that vibe back to the mainstream.

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#lessonslearned: I’m Tired….

Hey yall!! Hope this first full week of May is treating you well. For me….I’m tired. I’m at a point where I want to dig a hole and just go sit in it. At some point people will stop asking me things or expecting me to do things and handle situations that I didn’t create. I honestly have cut down a bunch of obligations (including that big pile of laundry in my living room) because I know for a fact that my anxiety just can’t handle it. Self care is so much of a priority right now for the simple fact of my survival. But here are some things that are giving me joy.

1. The Podcast

I’m having fun developing the podcast. I have enjoyed creating content and presenting it. I’m having trouble marketing and getting it to my audience like I want to. I know I just started, but I gotta keep pushing for the 2, 200, or 2000 that are listening. Yet I’m STILL tired

Looking tired
My sister friend Sunshine and I on the latetest episode

Click here if you want to check it out

2. The BlogConfessions from a red couch podcast logo tired

I love writing, promise I do. I have been giving my readers a clear view of my thoughts for almost 4 years now. Y’all have been with me through heartbreak and triumphs. You’ve been an audience to my innermost thoughts and frustrations.

Writing this has been one the few things in life that has consistently giving me joy. It has helped me chronicle my journey up to this point. Am I going to continue? You damn right I am. Why wouldn’t I? Things get hard, bulls**t is bulls**t, but, this no matter what happens with it, will continue to be my favorite outlet. But guess what I am….TIRED

Check out some of my old post here. I hope you find some thing worth your time.

3. My Friends

My friends are freaking amazing. They support and cheer me on. I think they forget I don’t absolutely fit into one category. Yes, I love to be the friend that twerks and gets the party started. I might just be that petty friend that can make an observation that has everybody cracking up. As of recently I haven’t been that friend, and it’s heartbreaking that I can’t muster enough energy to do it. You have to always check on your friends that are always smiling and joking. Most of the times we are drowning……and just plain old TIRED

Other than that yall…..I’m mf tied. Marriage is hard work, life is hard work, managing my personal self care has been trash. I fight daily just to carve out time for myself. Most days it doesn’t happen because I’m fighting some outside bs that honestly has nothing to do with me. I just want to see that person I was about 3 years ago…..she was happy.

#Lessonlearned Confessions from the life of a Former Control Freak

Hey kids!!! I’m back from one of the greatest experiences in my life. I married my best friend and gained even more amazing family. Goodness the amount of love I felt on that day was just indescribable. It’s funny that it was only about 3 years ago when I thought I could never feel or would never allow myself to feel the love that I feel every single day now. It took some time, work, and prayer to get me to where I am today. Please believe I am so happy I’m here.

Okay, for all this “growth” let’s talk about where I came from. Not because I want to dwell in the past but I want to remember where I never want to go back to.

My life as a control freak or the politically correct term “type A personality” was absolutely full of umm stress and anxiety. It was utterly exhausting trying to control every single thing around me. At times I knew I looked like a crazy woman. Always trying to control my family to do what I wanted. Always wanting my students and athletes to be the best EVEN if it meant not giving an inch to let them actually have fun (well not my athletes…I made sure they had a good time 🤷🏾‍♀️ call me biased).

I knew changes had to be made and fast. Things were so bad that I couldn’t control my emotions. I could never have the appropriate emotional response to situations. I would laugh when I should have been sad. Instead of expressing my anxiety I would become enraged or just flat out break down. It was so bad I couldn’t even celebrate joyous occasions, always thinking the worst would happen instead of just enjoying the moment.

So here are ways that I began to deal with the control life:

1. I stopped thinking I knew how others would react. The dumbest thing in the world is trying to predict others reactions. You are not them (I had to scream this to myself in the mirror). Everyone is not you and you are not them. How you react to a situation is not the same way someone else will. Stop thinking you can control people’s reactions.

2. Stop making up situations in your head. It’s not reality its your own imagination. If you have a negative way of thinking then chances are EVERY situation you come up with is going to end horribly. For me this is so I wouldn’t get my hopes too high if things didn’t go my way which is utterly ridiculous because nothing has really been a life ending experience. Might not have felt good going through some things but I’m still here.

3. You can’t control people’s feelings about you. I have written a post about not being everybody’s cup of tea and there’s nothing you can do about it. And guess what most times you can’t change it, but it has nothing to do with you. You have to be able to keep on living regardless of the thoughts others have about you.

4. You can only control what you have direct influence over. Your thoughts, your actions, your emotions and your response. That’s it!! You can’t control anything else but this. So why not make sure all of these are filled with positivity, genuineness, truth and love. That’s all you can control.

Once I began living a this truth my life started changing for the better. Do I still have to remind myself of these things….umm yeah. It’s easy to fall back into the same pit falls but I don’t stay in them. I keep moving forward one day at a time.

Life with Him

We did it lol ❤

#lessonslearned: The Great Beginning

Hey kids!!! I kinda of jumped in this series #lessonslearned without really giving a background of why I even started this blog in the first place. So let’s go back down memory lane *cues Back down Memory Lane by Minnie Riperton* (Awwww yeah)

Confessions From A Red Couch was born out of frustration. I was frustrated with life. My job sucked, my relationship was dying, my mental health sucked and it was affecting my physical health. I was having frequent debilitating panic attacks and migraine headaches. I had lost some of my pillars of strength in life. I had just been diagnosed with a blood clot that appeared out of thin air. My hope was gone. My faith was gone. I couldn’t pray….matter of fact I didn’t even know what to pray. I was mad at everyone including God and felt there was no where to turn (depressing right).

So one Saturday night when I was confined to my house (Dr ordered time at home) I figured I would change my surroundings in the house. So I went to my library/front room (I call it the creamsicle room) and sat on my red couch and started writing EVERYTHING I was feeling that would have led me to commit suicide in that room. Every hurt, every pain, every frustration, EVERYTHING. I would cry, write and sleep (this was the cycle for 2 days) and when I finished I finally prayed. I finally opened my mouth and talked to God. I finally let God heal my heart and dry my tears. I finally let go and at the moment of release God presented me with the name “Confessions From the Red Couch”.

Now it still wasn’t easy. I always thought who in the world could want to read my ramblings. Who would actually read this foolishness? No one will be able to relate to me and my own personal pity party. Everytime I would write an entry someone would inbox me saying how my transparency helped them. Someone would always send an email about how they don’t feel alone in their situation.

I never expected this blog to really be anything, just a place to rant, but it helped save my life. God allowed me an outlet for not only me but for others. Am I rich from blogging? Nope. Do I do this for monetary gain? I want to some day, but for now I’m writing for the simple fact that I owe it to God to share my experiences with others. Are things better now than when I first started blogging? Yep, but it’s not perfect, and I’m okay with that. I’ve learned so much about myself and how to maneuver through life a little bit better.

Well….that’s all folks lol I really appreciate those who have stuck with me as a have traversed this thing called life for the past 4 years. Yall have stuck with me through a lot and for that I am thankful. Since the holiday season is upon us I’m only going to post once in November and December. I really need to spend time with my family and loved ones without any distractions. 2019 be ready for a totally revamped blog, a new podcast and some good old “merch” (aka merchandise). I love you guys be safe and keep being amazing ❤

I said yes to my dress all while being bossy lol
My blessings right here…..my hearts ❤
Me and my love…..✊🏾 Forever

#lessonslearned You Won’t Be Everybody’s Cup of Tea….

Hey Kids!!! Welcome back to the misadventures and fooleries of Confessions From a Red Couch. I am pleased that you have came back for more tales of life, romance, and the in between. Like I’ve said I plan to share my lessons I have learned throughout life. This post is no different. So well let’s begin shall we…..

#lessonslearned: You will never be everybody’s cup of tea!

Now look…I know myself and my personality and I can tell you this, I am not everyone’s cup of tea. I have been talked about, passed over, thrown away, and looked down upon my whole entire life. I’ve been promoted, demoted, and everything in between but I’m still living and loving. Why do I keep progressing? Honey I learned I’m not for everybody and neither are you.

Now I’m not saying that it’s okay to be a butthole (please don’t), it’s not your job to rub people the wrong way on purpose. It’s not okay to treat people with a nasty attitude. It’s not okay to be the negative Nancy or a sobby Susan (sorry if your name is Nancy or Susan, just well alliteration 🤷🏾‍♀️), your job in life is to be the best you you can be inspite of people’s attitudes toward you. This is what I have learned:

Other people’s perception of you are not who you are in total. Everyone we encounter gets a glimpse of who you are and build upon that. If someone sees you always happy that’s the perception they have of you. If someone always sees you losing it and cussing others out, that’s their perception of you. The small windows of prescription that we allow people to see are how people then perceive us. People who saw me as JUST a track coach have a different perception of me as a Science teacher. Do I try to correct their perceptions… nope. Why? It’s what they believe and until they see me in any other capacity then what’s the point. Their perceptions don’t change who I am or who you are.

People have a right to not accept you for who you are, but as long as you’re not being oppressed you keep moving foward. Look I know we as a society are trying to push that we are all special, but if we are all special… then who is truly special? Yes we all have purpose, we all have things that only we can accomplish but are we God’s only gift to the world? Nope. Do people HAVE to treat you like your ish has never stank? Absolute not. The only thing people honestly have to do is treat you with respect….DAS IT!!!

I say all this to say….you ain’t for everybody and it’s okay. Keep living, loving and being yourself. You will find your tribe and be their cup of tea while being able to spill all the juicy tea honey ❤

Just trying to be freshed faced and not looking 36 😘