A 6 months ago I had a dream that literally was screaming for me to move forward. No matter how much I feel my old issues are resolved they sneak up subconsciously to torment me.
In this dream I am mourning the loss of a relationship and refusing the possibility of a new one. All my exes encircled me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I was so confused considering I know most probably hate me, but then something caught my eye. Each ex wore a shirt that had a list as to why we could never be together. Insecurity, luster, greed, envy, shame, doubt, weak, angry….all were valid reasons….all reasons why we could never fit the puzzle pieces together. You can never force a round peg into a square hole (yeah I know I reversed it). I could never reduce myself enough to make them feel important enough to be with me.
So I woke up prayed, moved forward, and let go.
Before we get started let’s talk a little bit about dating….well not talk, I’m going to give dating tips based on my mistakes in the past. So here goes:
Dating Tip #1: Do not assume you are a couple without discussing with the other party. Make sure you talk about this with the person you are dating. A lot of times we start doing “couple things” when the other person is still on “single things”. Be a grown up and talk about your relationship goals in the beginning so both parties know what they are getting into and you won’t end up in a “situationship”.
Okay okay,with that being said can you believe we are already in the 3rd month of the year, 1/4th of the way through 2016? How has your year been? Me personally, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve gotten angry and I released a lot. I think what I’m trying to tell you is I have been living life in 2016. Getting rid of old baggage (hopefully not replacing it with new), holding on to things that are dear, and experiencing new and old feelings. I am accepting the things that feel right to me and rejecting the things that I know are not good for me. I am totally embracing the thought of self-care.
Okay What is this self-care?
I am making sure that I take care of myself mind, body and soul. Self care for me is taking myself into consideration before I make any decisions. It means being what’s called “selfish” and thinking about how an outcome will affect me as well as all parties involved. It has helped me say “no” more than I say yes. Self-care is me taking into consideration Janae.
How did this come about?
Well I guess we can say it started after my blood clot (yea I know old story….scary but old). It made me realize that the only person that is responsible for looking out for my health and well-being is myself….NO ONE ELSE. No one owes me anything in this world not even my family (even though I swear they love me more than I love myself some time lol). I have to make sure that Janae is stable every day, hour, minute, and second of my life. To ask someone to take responsibility for this is placing your life and future in someone else’s hands, even though you have no clue of their true intentions for your life (doesn’t sound all that appealing to an ex-control freak).
What are my ways to achieve self-care?
I take time to clear my mind and focus. I know the new term is “being mindful” (yep my therapist taught me this…..say what you want but don’t judge) but I call it being true to my moment. I take time to sit and reflect. I may reflect on the day, a particular moment of the day, or just what is happening at that exact moment. This helps me to figure out what’s happening in my life and what I can control and what I can not. It helps me put all things into perspective. It helps me to calm my mind and get to a state of calmness. Like I said I’m an ex-control freak, so everything in life seemed as though it was urgent….but most of these things I had not control over. Do you know how crazy it is to try to control person (parents I know how you feel lol)?
I totally watch what I put into and what I do to my body. Oh goodness before June 2015 I did not care what I did to my body as long as it made me feel good (no not drugs come on now man….). Alcohol (oh I still partake within reason), cigars (yes I used to partake), nasty greasy processed foods, omg and anything that was sweet and chocolate covered (Lil Debbie don’t owe me nothing) I was getting it in. Then I had looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the women I knew 2 years before that. Sure I maintained a look of beauty (Lots of make up and eyeliner) but inside I was not okay. My blood pressure was high, stress levels were off the chart and I could not sleep worth a damn. I was poisoning myself slowly in the name of self care….I mean self pleasure…..or maybe just a way to numb the feeling of being totally out of control. So I bought a fit bit, I get my rest and I make sure I eat great natural unprocessed food. Sounds simple and guess what….it is!! I just committed to a different life style and surrounded myself with people who want the same. So now when I get the urge to indulge I think about the way it will make me feel past the moment it has touched my tongue.
I was able to rid myself of toxic relationships (whether they left me or I left them). I never like ending relationships until I feel like they are detrimental to my health and even then I will hold on as long as I can. I lost two relationships last year and didn’t realize how good I was without them. Lol my blood pressure is down, stress level is normal, and I don’t have to worry about deciphering lies and half-truths anymore or playing detective to find out the real truth.
So ladies and gentlemen to sum this up I am taking care of myself. I’m listening to my body and making sure Janae is okay. Remember there is only one you in this world and its your job to make sure all of your needs are being met no one else’s. Nobody owes you anything in this world and they dang sure don’t have the responsibility of taking care of you. Have a beautiful March and we shall talk again soon!! Love yourself 🙂
March has been no make up month…..just another way to love the natural me 🙂