#lessonslearned: 5 ways I stay motivated

Look sis…..this month has been crazy. I am a TEACHER in May and let me tell you I am on edge. I’m not focused, I am just trying to get my students to finish out the school year  and ON TOP of I’m trying to get this business off the ground. I’m overwhelmed and under motivated. Here are some ways I make sure that I can stay motivated and continue to be productive.

1. I schedule my month

I have learned to schedule my months. Since I am now an entrepreneur and work full time, I have to have some way of staying afloat. Planning out my month helps me know what needs to be written, what needs to be posted, and what I need to do for my actual job. I can look at it as a guide and know if I’m falling behind. Currently….I’m falling behind.

2. I randomly ignore that schedule (lol)

Yep sometimes you have to step away from that beautifully organized schedule. Of course I know it’s full of motivational quotes, positive affirmations, little doodles of flowers and stars and hearts, but it can still get overwhelming. Which brings me to my next point…..

3. I look at the big picture of the project and attack the smaller tasks.

You have to step away when you get frustrated. Look at the end result of what you are trying to accomplish. Take a look at your checklist, see what small things you have done and can do. Attack those smaller things that don’t need a lot of thought. Creating graphics, writing a thank you email, etc….these are things that don’t usually take a lot of thought and can be completed to meet your end goal.

4. I step away when I get frustrated or stuck.

The project will be there but you need to get a refresher. There are those whose mind can be productive for a certain amount of time. It all depends on the person. But if you’re feeling frustrated, take a break. Step away, go workout, go eat….do something that has nothing to do with your project. Your brains has become overwhelmed and you need to remove yourself for a little bit.

Maybe, as my Nana used to say, you just need to take a nap. On episode 003 of my podcast we talked about the importance getting rest. When things get confusing just take a nap, it helps your body and mind restart. Who knows you may even get inspiration from a dream that will help you become more motivated.

5. I check in with someone about my progress

I love to have people I can confide in about things I am doing who are GENUINELY invested in what I am trying to do. When I run my ideas by them they will give good advice and that’s what I need them for…good advice.. They can tell me if I’m on the wrong track, if I’m about to knock it out of the park, or if I need to tweak something to fit my idea. There’s nothing wrong with using your support circle, that’s what they are therefore and they should keep you motivated.

This is how I keep going with everything else that is happening in life. Sure I may ignore one aspect fro a little too long but that is why I have a support system that helps me get right back into place. When it’s all said and done it’s still my responsibility to continue to stay motivated and move forward.

#LessonsLearned: I Want My 90s Television Back

Hey…Hello…Hi!!!

Welcome back to the red couch. Come on in and take a seat. Now we aren’t going to watch regular television. No, no, no….I hate that trash. I’m tired of seeing beautiful black women and men on television shows that encourage dissension, bitterness and utter chaos. Nope that ain’t me. I can’t tell you the last time I watched a Love and, Housewives, True… etc. All of it is garbage….like seriously I can only watch so much before I feel all that fake negative energy creep into my peace.

With that being said let me grab this wonderful Fire-stick remote so we can watch some 90s sitcoms. I’m not talking about Friends or The Nanny. Nope,

Sitting drinking my wine watching my 90s sitcoms
This is the way I watch my shows ❤

although it was great programming, they did not shape my wonderful preteen/teenage brain. I want to see television shows like A Different World and Living Single come back (and not just a reboot). I want shows that show brown men and women in a positive light. Shows that give us a better representation of what we can and should be.

Here are my reason’s as to why they need to come back:

You could see a person of color on television that wasn’t a criminal or just struggling to get by.

Of Course Tommy on Martin didn’t have a job, but you didn’t see him struggling. I loved Black 90s sitcoms for the simple fact that they showed people of color (P.O.C) thriving. They weren’t worried about living check to check or catching a case for doing something illegal. The characters in these shows were making their way. They were positive representatives of the community. They gave us younger generation a better norm to follow. We could now strive to be successful and not fall into the stereotypes that society was placing upon us.

We saw positive relationships between people of color the majority of the series.

From Whitley and Kim on A Different World to Khadijah and her girls on Living Single, we saw the characters supporting one another and offering sound loving advice. Even the men in these sitcoms showed true brotherly love. If you never watched an episode of Martin or Living Single, you are missing out on good quality brotherly love. Even through the goofiness and punch lines they showed that these characters genuinely cared for one another and wanted to see each succeed.

They supported being an entrepreneur, going to college, and even having a trade.

From Maxine Shaw attorney at law to Kimberly Reese the budding medical student, we saw a spectrum of what we could do to be successful.

It didn’t always have to be the traditional route, Khadijah James (Living Single) started her own magazine after graduating and doing odd jobs to raise capital for her investment. Overton Wakfield Jones (Living Single) graduated from trade school and became an independent contractor (handyman), Martin (Martin) became a talk show host after starting out his career as a radio DJ.

These characters helped us see there was more to being successful than just going to college. They helped us understand that no matter what you do, hustle, put in hard work, and things will happen for you. You can tell because most of us 80s/90s (early 90s like 90-93 lol) have been pushing through trying to make something of ourselves in this Orange fool’s ‘Merica. We are apart of the “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop” generation who believe in getting things done by any means necessary (well most of us).

They presented social and political issues on television

My goodness, the first time I heard about rape or date rape was on an episode of A Different World (season 2 episode 20). I saw innocent naive Freddie go out with Garth and he ignored her NO. It put me on alert. It helped me to understand my words should be respected whether I am on a date or at someone’s house. My NO will always mean NO and that was the final story. They also covered apartheid, AIDS awareness and combating the stereotypes that are held against black men and women.

Honestly, I don’t want a reboot of any of these shows. They fulfilled their purpose during their time. I just want to have more shows that focus on the Black issues in this day and age. Shout out to the writers of Insecure, Black-Ish. Boomerang, Grown-ish and Dear White People as well as various others who are trying to bring that vibe back to the mainstream.

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#Lessonlearned Confessions from the life of a Former Control Freak

Hey kids!!! I’m back from one of the greatest experiences in my life. I married my best friend and gained even more amazing family. Goodness the amount of love I felt on that day was just indescribable. It’s funny that it was only about 3 years ago when I thought I could never feel or would never allow myself to feel the love that I feel every single day now. It took some time, work, and prayer to get me to where I am today. Please believe I am so happy I’m here.

Okay, for all this “growth” let’s talk about where I came from. Not because I want to dwell in the past but I want to remember where I never want to go back to.

My life as a control freak or the politically correct term “type A personality” was absolutely full of umm stress and anxiety. It was utterly exhausting trying to control every single thing around me. At times I knew I looked like a crazy woman. Always trying to control my family to do what I wanted. Always wanting my students and athletes to be the best EVEN if it meant not giving an inch to let them actually have fun (well not my athletes…I made sure they had a good time 🤷🏾‍♀️ call me biased).

I knew changes had to be made and fast. Things were so bad that I couldn’t control my emotions. I could never have the appropriate emotional response to situations. I would laugh when I should have been sad. Instead of expressing my anxiety I would become enraged or just flat out break down. It was so bad I couldn’t even celebrate joyous occasions, always thinking the worst would happen instead of just enjoying the moment.

So here are ways that I began to deal with the control life:

1. I stopped thinking I knew how others would react. The dumbest thing in the world is trying to predict others reactions. You are not them (I had to scream this to myself in the mirror). Everyone is not you and you are not them. How you react to a situation is not the same way someone else will. Stop thinking you can control people’s reactions.

2. Stop making up situations in your head. It’s not reality its your own imagination. If you have a negative way of thinking then chances are EVERY situation you come up with is going to end horribly. For me this is so I wouldn’t get my hopes too high if things didn’t go my way which is utterly ridiculous because nothing has really been a life ending experience. Might not have felt good going through some things but I’m still here.

3. You can’t control people’s feelings about you. I have written a post about not being everybody’s cup of tea and there’s nothing you can do about it. And guess what most times you can’t change it, but it has nothing to do with you. You have to be able to keep on living regardless of the thoughts others have about you.

4. You can only control what you have direct influence over. Your thoughts, your actions, your emotions and your response. That’s it!! You can’t control anything else but this. So why not make sure all of these are filled with positivity, genuineness, truth and love. That’s all you can control.

Once I began living a this truth my life started changing for the better. Do I still have to remind myself of these things….umm yeah. It’s easy to fall back into the same pit falls but I don’t stay in them. I keep moving forward one day at a time.

Life with Him

We did it lol ❤